Just need guidance:

Take back your power- things feel out of control, it's time to ground yourself and take back that power. There is something more hidden that you do not see, ask to see the truth of the matter. Focus some energy on seeing through the veil.

 I did a min-meditation. The voice showed me two things. On thing I don't want and who I am not and another of who I am and what I desire. And then I heard her say that I already chose and somehow I managed to choose wrong. I chose what I don't want but will likely become because I am to afraid to choose what I desire. I'm banking on my husband going back to work and it looks like it will take more time, so my dreams slip away. I need that comfort zone, that safety net, yet the passion card demands that I follow it. but because I am choosing to depend on him, nothing will change until he get's where he needs to go.

I hear the voice that say's "your gifts"
spiritual understanding and claicognizance or clear knowing. I may not know what to do but I do know that this isn't right. The way our lives are now. This is not what I'm destined for, it's not what I am supposed to do. The universe is giving me a little extra time, but I'm being warned that time is running out. I will loose my job soon because I am not meant to be there. I know this, I can feel it. I must prepare now before it is to late. I wait, but soon my time of waiting will be over and he will not be where he is supposed to be because he needs me to transition before he does. I know his job will not be to close by. he will need the car. I feel the time will be after christmas. christmas will be fine.
It makes you feel good that they need you right now, but those who do not know this will not see this. This will be the end. (work wise) You do not find fulfillment, not real fulfillment. Focus that energy where it is needed.

I feel you calling me. My soul longs to be near you. When will I ever realize that I am not alone? The winds whisper to me, calling me to come back. I feel you. My soul longing only to be free, to fly. I dance in your essence, becoming one with your energy. The magick surrounds me, healing my soul. Why have I turned my back on you, by doing so I have forsaken myself. I am in you and you in me. We are one. We are mystical. We are magickal. We are powerful. We are ancient, sacred.

Message of the Phoenix

I just had a reading today. It was kind of a reality check for me and chucking my responsibility aside. This has been an on-going struggle for me. I asked the psychic if there any spirits around me. He is used to dealing with crossed over spirits, so I know this one was uncomfortable. He picked up on the angelic energy, which he also doesn't work alot with. Michael is a protective angel I work alot with and was encouraged to work with him more. This makes sense because of the layers of protection i use. I have been feeling to get more connected to Angels. I have been wanting to get more connected to the spiritual realm, but I just haven't. I can make u every excuse in the book, but the reality is there is a art of me that stopped caring but I don't know why. I feel defeated, I question whether this is all real or some made up fantasy in my head. It's so real yet seems so unreal. I KNEW she was here. I could feel her. I knew she was young and I KNEW she was wondering why I wouldn't help her. The psychic validated it all. It was funny because I asked him what she wanted and I already knew what he would say. I had to chuckle, but it really hit home because I knew, I knew I knew and yet there is still a small art f me that this is crazy.

When did I stop caring? Why did I stop caring? I wear so many damn hats, and things are just so damn complicated. It's not that I lost site of my physical priorities, I just laced them on the front burner, and put everything else aside. My family has to eat. We need a roof over our heads. And I know this is a HUGE source of my apathy. Going to work everyday while someone else stays home and takes care of my kids. We've switched roles and there is a huge part of me that is pissed. I know it sounds stupid, but I can't hel the way I feel. I have this huge responsibility of financially,emotionally,mentally and spiritually, for a family of 5, not including the dog and cats, and I'm failing miserably. Then I am also given this huge spiritual responsibility to send these souls to the light to cross over. I don't even have the time and energy to actually help them. I'm burnt out. But that's not even the biggest problem, the biggest problem is that I'm depressed because I know I'm failing miserably and most of all I am so angry at myself for not being strong enough to deal with it. And that is the core of the issue. Getting out of my own self and gathering enough strength to take care of it all.

I've lost all faith in myself. I have no idea how I got here and I have no idea how to get out of it. I constantly feel like I am treading water, and then I allow myself to sink, and then I rise again. Kind of like the phoenix. Which has been a symbol I have been seeing lately as well. I really should pay more attention. I'm beginning to see the symbolism now. The birds flying right in front of my windshield, we live in phoenix, death and rebirth,setting fire to the rain. The phoenix represents death and rebirth. Fire overcoming water. Resurrection. Immortal.

The message of the Phoenix for me is to rise again and starting now, so I shall!

The Mystic Within

Posted by Mystic Angel January 14 - # 

Before reading this, please understand that this is not a tell-all for everyone. This is merely my own journey and realizations for my own path and may hold no significance to the rest of the world. Another chapter in my own journey, if you will.

I've been taking a little time to examine what a Mystic really means to me. Realization often comes in layers. I often see it, feel it, yet understanding is a journey in of itself. Yesterday I was driving to work and again thinking about my life purpose. I understood that I came back to this planet for love, to find the other half of my soul. I also came back, so I thought for a specific reason, to help people. Yet I have no vision, so what does that really mean? Then I thought, was is a Mystic? I came up with the term " one who walks their own path". I always assumed it meant finding one's way to getting closer to their Divine. Not even "enlightenment" which I also determined that all that means is a state of realization, and even that runs in layers. I like to call it the "aha moments" for though I hear it or even know it, I often don't understand the profound meaning of it.
I've been on this spiritual journey my entire life. I have gone through hills and valleys searching for understanding of it all. It's not to often that I often reflect upon it all, the greater picture. Most of the time I cannot see that far. I've accepted that fact that I will not ever see all or even know all. But for this stage in my life, at this moment it feels important for me to understand who they Mystic within me really is. Am I some spiritual guru who's been called to be the next modern day prophet? Highly doubtful:) In fact, though I have some pretty out there views on things, and definitely not the part of the popular belief system, it makes perfect sense. It's like the puzzle is finally coming together and I think I'm finally starting to get it.
I've been trained sense childhood that the spirit is a completely separate component of our human selves, in fact, though it is a part of us, it's almost like it's ow person. It's the thing that makes us connected to our "higher self" . Somewhere along the way everything seems disconnected, though somewhere inside I know they all work together. I've been wanting to re-connect with the fire I once had in my spirituality, yet I don't feel so spiritual. I feel spiritually lost, in a sense, even though I feel more "enlightened" then ever :) Again, the paradox. So I've been looking at spiritual things, forums, magick, prayers, healing meditation and understanding that life doesn't give me nearly enough time to take care of everything. So lately I have planing some of that to the side and I have been spending more time with my family. I have been more involved and dedicated to work in order to get a promotion I don't really want so we can afford to live and simply pay bills, and move closer to my mother in-law sense she now has cancer. At this time in my life, this is my purpose which leaves little time for spiritual endeavors and is quite depressing. It goes completely against the vision I saw.What kind of Mystic lives a life without mysticism? How can a Mystic be a Mystic is they have no time to connect spiritually? No time to meditate? No time to clear the mind long enough to accomplish anything?
So back to yesterday. As all this crap piles up in my head, I was thinking about my family. LIt was a good day and I even left early so we could spend time together. It turned into a nightmare and the entire night was shot. Today I saw the topic and as I was writing I realized that I have had phases in my life that focused on finding spirit, I've had phases that focused on finding my soulmate, I've had times where there was compassion, times of plenty and times of feminine. Times where I could clearly see magick and life walk hand in hand for some seriously miraculous things manifest. The veil between spirit and the world soon vegan to lift and I vegan to see the spirituality in all things. And then it dawned on me this morning, my journey is not to find God, for God is always with me, my journey is to understand this life, this world around me, on every level possible. I am already to connected to spirit, it was a birthright, but understanding it and still seeing it in this world. Understanding that spirit doesn't go away, it is always with me, it is who I am regardless of what happens around me. I've always looked for God in spirit, yet rarely seen him in this world. I'm beginning to understand that this world is the physical manifestation of him. It's not about religion or even beliefs, for these things change, but when we see through the eyes of the soul, we see everything. I'm not meant to escape my humanity, I'm meant embrace it. We all are. I know understand why the phrase I often use, "To know God, you must know thyself".
I was always taught that embracing humanity, embracing my human self was wrong, sinful, something God didn't like. I'm beginning to understand that God created this humanity within us. To truly walk the path of a Mystic, one must truly decide to walk the path of self. I had to see God in all things before I could see God.
When I was a kid, I was afraid of God, yet I wanted to feel him, and I felt the pain and anguish of a lost soul, one no longer alive. I felt the comfort of an angel. I felt what it was like to be alive and I felt what it was like to be dead.  When I got older, I wanted to know his love. I went through a few really bad relationships and still desired to find real love. Through the people who I would learn hate from, I was given the most sacred gift, a family.
I wanted to see God. I saw the spray of the ocean and felt it's power. I saw death and destruction and people coming together to help pick up the pieces. I saw a murdered child and still saw love and forgiveness in his eyes before he departed.
I see it now. I finally get it. God is everything and everywhere. The ability to see the Divine in all things, mental, emotional, physically, within myself and within everything around me. I don't have to connect and disconnect if I can see the Divine in all things. Sermons, crosses, pent's, churches, all of it, these are merely tools to help us on our journey. Tools made for those who need it, but not meant for all. Everything I have seen, everything I have learned, everything i have ever felt came from this world around me. This planet , this physical world is merely one realm of many yet it's all centered around it. I've been walking through the veils to get to different places, yet they are all right here, together, working as one.
There is so much life within death and so much death within life, but in order to live in the light we must first be able to see it, in both life and death. I always knew that not much changed as the body passes, but the journey of this life is the point.
So again I say, If you really want to know God, you must first know yourself. The closer you get to who you are, the closer you get to the Divine.

Another Step

  Looks like Friday is the day I go back on Oranum. On one hand I'm kind of excited, but on the other hand I also suffer from a serious case of stagefright. It's important that I go back for my family and for those I can help online. It's hard to separate help from business. It's hard not to look at it as a job when I charge people. Unlike many of the other psychic's there, I refuse to charge a ridiculous amount. I've set limits to this. I won't beg people to go into private chat. I help however I can within the parameters I am giving. There are so many people out there that need help, they can't afford $3.00 a minute. I wish I could afford to do it for free.
  So much has changed though. We all struggle to find peace in the midst of this chaos, myself included. I struggle everyday. I struggle with fear. I struggle with financial stress. I struggle with the unknown and that which is known. I struggle alot with my faith.

We had an assignment a few days ago with the FIND ME group. (For the record, we do NOT charge) It was a case that involved a missing girl. She had been missing for over thirty years. No trace of her. One moment she was right there and the next, just gone. The missing children's cases are always the hardest, yet the most rewarding. Usually if I feel them in spirit, they rarely understand what has happened to them. They are usually filled with so much forgiveness or just in their own little beautiful worlds. And that is what makes this gift a gift, to be able to share that with them. But then I tap into the families who are left behind to wonder what happened to them. Most of them will never be able to move forward in life. They always are lost inside of their own grief, struggling each day to hold on to just one little spark of hope yet afraid for the answers to finally come, if they ever do.

These moments often put me back into perspective and remind me what I do have. It's not much but I have three beautiful, healthy children who are safe at home. Each night I get to kiss them good-night, each day I can tell them I love them. And though it's a struggle to take care of them, trying to balance all of their needs, I would rather have that struggle then to never have that struggle again.

Sometimes I think back to my younger years and what I put my parents through. l ran away from home....alot. Sometimes weeks at a time. My parents were angry, but they were also petrified. Having to come home and your child never coming home that night. Not knowing where they are at and wondering if you will ever see them again. As a parent now, I couldn't imagine being in that position. As an Empath, I know because I feel it everytime I do these readings.

God will take care of us, just as he will take care of the children who don't make it home. Sometimes I wonder if I believe this, but in the core of my being I know this. He will never give up on us and I can't give up either. They depend on me to be strong, emotional, spiritually and physically strong. For my family, they need me. As a collective, they need all of us to never give up hope on finding them and bringing them home.

I just have to remember this. I'm a pretty slow learner. I just have to take it one day at a time. One step at a time. Some steps will be a sprint across an open field other steps will be like treading through quick sand. But no matter easy or how difficult each step is, the point is that we took just one more step and we are one step closer to wherever life takes us.

Breathe of Life

    Lately I have been doing alot of soul searching, trying to find that missing piece in my soul. My journey for spirituality has been long and cold. So many battles, so many wounds, so many questions and so many dead-ends. My journey for answers have recently left me stripped of all belief. I had to loose to myself in order to find myself .I had to break free from what I was trained to believe and to follow my own heart to God. For most of my life I searched for spiritual truth and have lost the greatest gift of all...belief.
    I was driving to work this morning and the sun was rising above the mountains ahead and I felt something. I'm not sure I can describe it, but I remembered that feeling when I was 8. It was the day my parents and I moved to Louisiana. It was early morning and they had come to my school. The sun was rising above the mountains and I felt this powerful light, mystical energy and I knew that there was more out there then this planet. Something greater, stronger. I connected to an energy that was so powerful and beautiful that there there was no doubt in my mind about anything. I didn't know what exactly I knew, I just knew that at that moment I was....there. I was no longer in this world of stone, I was wrapped in the energy of pure light. It was so beautiful, so peaceful, and magickal, it felt as if anything and everything was possible, and I knew that it was.
     On my way to work, I felt it and I remembered. When I was young I believed and I believed because I felt it with every part of my being. It's ironic how I have come full circle and I had more knowledge and wisdom as a child. I didn't need answers, I just felt it, embraced it and I knew everything I ever needed to know. I didn't need to consciously know, I just needed to feel it. Angels were looking down on me that day and God smiled upon me. For a brief moment I truly experienced heaven. And I felt it again today, but more important I remembered. And I felt that same energy surge through my entire being. I didn't need to think about it, I just needed to embrace it and so I did, for that brief moment.
       I've spent so much time walking the veils of the dead, I truly forgot what it was like to walk among the living. I knew I needed to walk alone in the dark, to learn and to grow, and to understand where I came from. I was born the in the realm of Angels, I think we all are and when we come down here we forget where we came from. The veil is so thin and the connection is right at our finger tips all we have to do is reach for it. I used to think I was cursed as if God had turned his back on me, but remembering that memory and experiencing it yet again, I was watched over, protected, ....loved. I don't know why I stopped believing, all I know is that I did and finding out why really doesn't seem to matter anymore because now I know that his Divine light is always there and it's real.
      Mysticism isn't about finding answers to the unexplained, it's experiencing it, embracing it and walking with it no matter where it leads. I can't explain and after searching for logical answers, I don't want to explain it because it takes the mystery and magick out of it until not even belief exists. When we loose that belief , we loose ourselves and the soul begins to die. And I think that is why I came back. I don't want to tell people how to live their lives, I want to help guide them through the veil into Divine light and to remind them where we come from, and to embrace the power we possess inside. Life, not life of the body, life of the soul.
      

Back to Avalon

So I've asked for help. On this post I will share my journey. I call this a writing meditation.

She whispers to me " Come, come and take my hand, travel with me through this sacred land
The land lied beyond the soul "
  We cross through the vail and there is a large green valley before me surrounded by tall mountains. I often come here as it brings forth so much peace. The sun is rising from behind the top as shimmering lights surround me.
    " A new dawn is upon us. Upon you, What will it bring? "
    " I don't know" I say. " Likely the same thing that it always brings just another day."
    "what would you like it to bring?"
    " I'm not sure. To much thinking  makes my brain hurt."
    " That is because you are following the mind. Follow the soul." She say's to me.
    " At this moment all I want to do is to keep walking towards that light. It calls to me. I do not know what it brings, I just know that it is meant for me. To heal me."
    " Then that is what you must do."
    " I'm afraid of it. I'm afraid that if I walk to that light, that I will not awaken. I'm afraid it will take my soul to the summerlands."
    " That is a different type of light. However, the fear is the same. Are you afraid to heal? "
    " I'm afraid of being afraid. I'm afraid of loosing myself. Yet there is a part of me that wants to be lost and to stay lost."
    " Then you are not ready? "
    " I just heard a sound right next to me. We're not alone. It does not feel of the light, but I can't see it"
    " Is this what is stopping you?"
    " It is what makes me afraid."
    " Are you afraid of your gift?"
    " yes".
    " what are you afraid of?"
    " I'm afraid of it consuming me. I'm afraid of not being able to control it. If I loose myself in it, what is I stay lost?"
    " Isn't that what you wanted, to stay lost?"
    " Only part of me. "
    " And why do you desire this?"
    " because the beauty is that solitude is peaceful. but the nightmares are worse."
    " There is both?"
    " yes, I see both, I live both. If my dreams become reality, so do my nightmares. I am not given one side but must experience both."
     " So what do you think you will experience with the light?"
     " peace that comes through death"
     " So you are afraid of death?"
     " Are you ready to live?"
     " yes, but I am not ready to die. And one always comes with the other. It's not always a physical death, it could also be a spiritual death."
     " But aren't you there now? Isn't that why you are here?"
     " Yes. "
     " So now that you have already experienced spiritual death wouldn't this light bring spiritual life? "
     " yes, that would make sense."
  The dawn has arrived as the light envelopes me. Washes me clean. I am surrounded by Divine peace and love. I do not feel worthy. There is still a part of me that is afraid. She tells me to let go, to let go of the fear. I rise above the ground, I am being carried. There is such a freedom up here. At this moment I an not afraid of falling. I should be but I am not. There is trust. I begin to grow wings and she sets me free. This freedom is so empowering. I feel like I can do anything.
    " when you rise above the things that chain you, all you will feel is freedom. Do you know why you feel so free?"
    "because my trust in my Divine was stronger then my fears. I trusted and was lifted up and carried until I could fly again on my own."
     "Now when you return will you be able to take that with you?"
     " I need to. I will. I don't really want go back just yet. When I do I feel so alone."
     " You are never alone. Come, take my hand as we travel to healing waters. Step under the waterfall and allow the blessed water to wash you clean."
     I can feel the water run down over me. It is cool.
     "let go" she tells me. And so I do. I can feel everything fall away. It's cleansing. I needed this. When it is finished, I stand back in the light and allow it to fill my soul. In this moment, in this sacred place anything is possible. I can feel it. I am empowered, I am powerful, I am clean and pure, I am strong. In this place I believe because I can feel the endless possibilities.
      " This place isn't very far. You carry it with you everywhere you go. All you have to do is keep the door open. Allow if to flow from behind the door. It's is mystical and it will always be mystical. Allowing it to flow into the physical world does not take the mystery away, it makes it more mystical, it makes it magickal. You are a Mystic, this will never change. Embrace this power from within for it is your power. It is both given and created. You are one. There is no separation. You are in the Divine and the Divine is within you always. It is the nature of all things. Hidden yet open. Hidden for only you can see it. Open for it envelopes every aspect of your life if you allow it to. Are you ready to return? "
       " Yes, for now I know where to find it. Everywhere."
       " Take this blessing with you." She blows shimmering powder on me. It is filled with love, peace and so many other things. Imagination, passion, healing, life.
   Thank you for your help. Thank you for your hope. Thank you for everything. I didn't get your name, I say to her. She smiles and disappears. No name is uttered. Truly my Guardian Angel.