Lately I have been doing alot of soul searching, trying to find that missing piece in my soul. My journey for spirituality has been long and cold. So many battles, so many wounds, so many questions and so many dead-ends. My journey for answers have recently left me stripped of all belief. I had to loose to myself in order to find myself .I had to break free from what I was trained to believe and to follow my own heart to God. For most of my life I searched for spiritual truth and have lost the greatest gift of all...belief.
I was driving to work this morning and the sun was rising above the mountains ahead and I felt something. I'm not sure I can describe it, but I remembered that feeling when I was 8. It was the day my parents and I moved to Louisiana. It was early morning and they had come to my school. The sun was rising above the mountains and I felt this powerful light, mystical energy and I knew that there was more out there then this planet. Something greater, stronger. I connected to an energy that was so powerful and beautiful that there there was no doubt in my mind about anything. I didn't know what exactly I knew, I just knew that at that moment I was....there. I was no longer in this world of stone, I was wrapped in the energy of pure light. It was so beautiful, so peaceful, and magickal, it felt as if anything and everything was possible, and I knew that it was.
On my way to work, I felt it and I remembered. When I was young I believed and I believed because I felt it with every part of my being. It's ironic how I have come full circle and I had more knowledge and wisdom as a child. I didn't need answers, I just felt it, embraced it and I knew everything I ever needed to know. I didn't need to consciously know, I just needed to feel it. Angels were looking down on me that day and God smiled upon me. For a brief moment I truly experienced heaven. And I felt it again today, but more important I remembered. And I felt that same energy surge through my entire being. I didn't need to think about it, I just needed to embrace it and so I did, for that brief moment.
I've spent so much time walking the veils of the dead, I truly forgot what it was like to walk among the living. I knew I needed to walk alone in the dark, to learn and to grow, and to understand where I came from. I was born the in the realm of Angels, I think we all are and when we come down here we forget where we came from. The veil is so thin and the connection is right at our finger tips all we have to do is reach for it. I used to think I was cursed as if God had turned his back on me, but remembering that memory and experiencing it yet again, I was watched over, protected, ....loved. I don't know why I stopped believing, all I know is that I did and finding out why really doesn't seem to matter anymore because now I know that his Divine light is always there and it's real.
Mysticism isn't about finding answers to the unexplained, it's experiencing it, embracing it and walking with it no matter where it leads. I can't explain and after searching for logical answers, I don't want to explain it because it takes the mystery and magick out of it until not even belief exists. When we loose that belief , we loose ourselves and the soul begins to die. And I think that is why I came back. I don't want to tell people how to live their lives, I want to help guide them through the veil into Divine light and to remind them where we come from, and to embrace the power we possess inside. Life, not life of the body, life of the soul.
I was driving to work this morning and the sun was rising above the mountains ahead and I felt something. I'm not sure I can describe it, but I remembered that feeling when I was 8. It was the day my parents and I moved to Louisiana. It was early morning and they had come to my school. The sun was rising above the mountains and I felt this powerful light, mystical energy and I knew that there was more out there then this planet. Something greater, stronger. I connected to an energy that was so powerful and beautiful that there there was no doubt in my mind about anything. I didn't know what exactly I knew, I just knew that at that moment I was....there. I was no longer in this world of stone, I was wrapped in the energy of pure light. It was so beautiful, so peaceful, and magickal, it felt as if anything and everything was possible, and I knew that it was.
On my way to work, I felt it and I remembered. When I was young I believed and I believed because I felt it with every part of my being. It's ironic how I have come full circle and I had more knowledge and wisdom as a child. I didn't need answers, I just felt it, embraced it and I knew everything I ever needed to know. I didn't need to consciously know, I just needed to feel it. Angels were looking down on me that day and God smiled upon me. For a brief moment I truly experienced heaven. And I felt it again today, but more important I remembered. And I felt that same energy surge through my entire being. I didn't need to think about it, I just needed to embrace it and so I did, for that brief moment.
I've spent so much time walking the veils of the dead, I truly forgot what it was like to walk among the living. I knew I needed to walk alone in the dark, to learn and to grow, and to understand where I came from. I was born the in the realm of Angels, I think we all are and when we come down here we forget where we came from. The veil is so thin and the connection is right at our finger tips all we have to do is reach for it. I used to think I was cursed as if God had turned his back on me, but remembering that memory and experiencing it yet again, I was watched over, protected, ....loved. I don't know why I stopped believing, all I know is that I did and finding out why really doesn't seem to matter anymore because now I know that his Divine light is always there and it's real.
Mysticism isn't about finding answers to the unexplained, it's experiencing it, embracing it and walking with it no matter where it leads. I can't explain and after searching for logical answers, I don't want to explain it because it takes the mystery and magick out of it until not even belief exists. When we loose that belief , we loose ourselves and the soul begins to die. And I think that is why I came back. I don't want to tell people how to live their lives, I want to help guide them through the veil into Divine light and to remind them where we come from, and to embrace the power we possess inside. Life, not life of the body, life of the soul.
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