Where Are You?

Dear God,
Where are you? I can't see you , I can't feel you, I feel like I'm stuck in this dungeon all over again, falling further down the rabbit hole. How many times are we going to have to loose it all? I used to think it was because of my ex and his insanity, but it's been my entire life. It never stops, it never ends.

I can't do this. I'm in a situation where I have to financially support my family and I work my ass off, yet it's not enough. It's not enough so much that we are loosing our home! It's not actually our home, it's a rental, but you get the point. None of this makes any sense to me. I do healing, yet, for others it works like a charm, but for my husband...nothing! So now we have to depend on these quack doctors and everything they do just makes it worse! They have completely disabled him yet they tell him to get a job and blow us off, we're not their problem!  The whole plan to come down here was so we could work and afford to simply survive, and we would have been fine, but no, that would be to easy. 

I'm loosing faith in alot of things, and I'm beginning to think I truly am cursed. It's not the people in my life, it's me. And when our physical lives get thrown up-side down, so does the paranormal increase. I don't know what to do, I don't know what I can do. How can I help other people if I can't even help us? I'm called to be a minister, but at this moment, I can't even minister to the dead!

For some reason,while on a short break, it was like a veil lifted and I'm seeing things more clearly now. If I can I will explain more later, but it's starting to make sense, on a deeper level. Again, with the greater good. I can't take this personally, by doing so I'm defeating my purpose and we will fail. I see this now, and I won't allow my family to fail.

Premonitions

Sometimes having psychic abilities can really suck,especially when the prediction that is coming true is your own. I did a year forecast last October on Samhiem for this year. I predicted a move in August which is now coming to pass.I was hoping it would be a move up but deep down I knew it would because our financial ituation would be worse, which was also predicted. The cards showed a negative change in income
and hardship for a few months and then a move and sure as shit, everything has come to pass, just as I saw it.
The good news is that change will help us financially but will take a few months for us to see,so in this sense,I should be happy, but I feel like I'm being forced to walk through the fire once again. Nothing is ever balanced. It's like either our finances are ok, and something else is lacking, or our finances suck and have to leave a job I really like.The older I get, the harder it becomes. It almost feels like a life theme for a lesson I never seem to get.It's always the same thing, the same story, yet it  feels like I have no control, like I have no say in any of this. It's like in life your merely dealt a certain hand and the lesson is merely learning to deal with what you get. Just like the song say's, ,it's not getting what you want but wanting what you got.

I used to look at my premonitions as a curse, then when I started developing my abilities, I started seeing them as an opportunity, like a universal head's up to make changed before they happen, but no matter what I do, the scene always play's  out exactly as I see it and no amount of magic or praying or even pleading ever changes it. People say premonitions and predictions are subjective and change, but not once has that been the case for me. I'm beginning to feel that they are not subjective and do not change, but merely giving me  a little time to brace myself for the inevitable.

I guess the lesson here is to be careful what you ask for. You ask to see the future and you will  be shown. The Universe doesn't care if you like it or not, it is what it is.  Life is like the ocean, some days are beautiful and calm, some foggy and cold, sometimes the storms are merely clouds passing through and sometimes it's tsunami's ripping through, destroying everything in it's path. But we're survivors and this to shall pass. I'm not going to cry or even get angry, I'm going to stand here with my head held high knowing that this merely another storm and we will make it just like we did every other storm and all of the others to come.