In just one tiny moment your entire life change. I used to hate those tiny precious moments because I wanted to hold on to them forever. The pain of simply loosing that moment, my soul grieves. No matter how long I could hold on to that moment, the moment would just naturally pass, gone. Even though we carry that moment in our heats, it's just not the same when it's gone. Waiting so hard for that one tiny precious moment in time, spending years on blood,sweat and tears, just for moment to come and then pass so quickly. I used to think that all that work simply wasn't worth it, that the grief was to much to handle when it was gone, but it's those tiny little moments that we hold so close to our hearts, that move us deep inside. That one tiny moment when we realize how precious time really is.
We travel the path of time the moment we are born, yet I have also traveled the path where time ceases to exist. It's in this place where I am all and all is me. This is the place where power is at it's highest for this is the place I am most connected. This is the place where I reach your soul and I am whole, yet even the absence of time also ends therefore is also slave to time, for though those moments last as long as I like, they still end. But one critical thing is missing, the ability to touch and feel, the ability taste, the ability to make love, though it can be felt in spirit, it can never replace the caress of gentle hand across your face, the wetness of tears on your fingertips, the softness of a newborn. I know there is something within this I am meant to to learn. I know that all of these are connected, yet I haven't realized yet what or even how. So much power in spirit, yet it lacks the glue that binds life. It's not meant to be done independently, it's meant to be worked together, it's meant to be experienced together. Both good and bad, pain and ecstasty. It's a gift that the spirit world is void of, yet understands better then we ever will. I think I have always known this. I often live for a moment, moments I would spend a lifetime waiting to experience.
I've grieved death since childhood, because I somehow knew that to die, I would loose this gift. I would loose my ability to not only feel the depths of love, but to express it. I've listened to many spirits tell their stories, yet their message is always the same, appreciation for the physical world.
This where things get blurred for me. It's hard to experience life to it's fullest potential when we are bound by our physical needs and the inability to sustain that. I guess this is the price we must pay. We become numb, shut-off from one another, and maybe that is the point, learning to connect regardless of the situation we are in. To appreciate those things that we hold so close to our hearts, helping us figure out what matters most. Finding our own reason for life. I know I came back for love, to find love. The kind of love that reaches to the core yet I found alot of pain. I am learning that pain is indeed a part of love, and for me, this pain is essential in order to not only find what it is I am seeking, but to keep it. Love is my purpose. Not just romantic love, but pure love, love that last beyond time and space. Love is the core of life. Love is the key. Happy love, sad love.
I have to remember what I am fighting for. It doesn't end here. I'm not done. It's what pushes me. So when did I stop opening my heart? More important..why? Because I felt like noone saw me. I started feeling like the world's dumping ground, like noone cared about me and a part of me stopped caring about myself.
But the look in their eyes, that instant trust, knowing that I would not hurt them, that one moment, and knowing that it was me they choose. It's like handing over your most precious thing, the one thing that noone else knows and yet, you, this total stranger , they hand it over to you without a second thought. It's these moments that I live for. That moment in time. And at that moment, nothing else matters. I've become selfish. I wanted someone to wipe my tears, to feel my pain, but noone did and I became angry. I didn't understand why everyone else was important but I wasn't. I didn't understand why God would send them to me but would send me noone. But he did, he sent me himself, the only one who could handle it.
We travel the path of time the moment we are born, yet I have also traveled the path where time ceases to exist. It's in this place where I am all and all is me. This is the place where power is at it's highest for this is the place I am most connected. This is the place where I reach your soul and I am whole, yet even the absence of time also ends therefore is also slave to time, for though those moments last as long as I like, they still end. But one critical thing is missing, the ability to touch and feel, the ability taste, the ability to make love, though it can be felt in spirit, it can never replace the caress of gentle hand across your face, the wetness of tears on your fingertips, the softness of a newborn. I know there is something within this I am meant to to learn. I know that all of these are connected, yet I haven't realized yet what or even how. So much power in spirit, yet it lacks the glue that binds life. It's not meant to be done independently, it's meant to be worked together, it's meant to be experienced together. Both good and bad, pain and ecstasty. It's a gift that the spirit world is void of, yet understands better then we ever will. I think I have always known this. I often live for a moment, moments I would spend a lifetime waiting to experience.
I've grieved death since childhood, because I somehow knew that to die, I would loose this gift. I would loose my ability to not only feel the depths of love, but to express it. I've listened to many spirits tell their stories, yet their message is always the same, appreciation for the physical world.
This where things get blurred for me. It's hard to experience life to it's fullest potential when we are bound by our physical needs and the inability to sustain that. I guess this is the price we must pay. We become numb, shut-off from one another, and maybe that is the point, learning to connect regardless of the situation we are in. To appreciate those things that we hold so close to our hearts, helping us figure out what matters most. Finding our own reason for life. I know I came back for love, to find love. The kind of love that reaches to the core yet I found alot of pain. I am learning that pain is indeed a part of love, and for me, this pain is essential in order to not only find what it is I am seeking, but to keep it. Love is my purpose. Not just romantic love, but pure love, love that last beyond time and space. Love is the core of life. Love is the key. Happy love, sad love.
I have to remember what I am fighting for. It doesn't end here. I'm not done. It's what pushes me. So when did I stop opening my heart? More important..why? Because I felt like noone saw me. I started feeling like the world's dumping ground, like noone cared about me and a part of me stopped caring about myself.
But the look in their eyes, that instant trust, knowing that I would not hurt them, that one moment, and knowing that it was me they choose. It's like handing over your most precious thing, the one thing that noone else knows and yet, you, this total stranger , they hand it over to you without a second thought. It's these moments that I live for. That moment in time. And at that moment, nothing else matters. I've become selfish. I wanted someone to wipe my tears, to feel my pain, but noone did and I became angry. I didn't understand why everyone else was important but I wasn't. I didn't understand why God would send them to me but would send me noone. But he did, he sent me himself, the only one who could handle it.
