Last night was another rough night. I had another nightmare. I dreamt that my husband were going to bed and my son walks in. Next thing I know all the neighborhood kids were in our room. I started seeing shadows on the wall, orbs flying around and things moving. Suddenly the lights went out and I gathered all the kids together and instinctively I placed a protective shield around us. Inside the shield, the kids were in like a type of trance and i told them to place another shield around themselves individually. It was strange because I have never done that in a dream before. It almost felt like a conscious act. The spirit activity was getting insanely active as more obs shot across the room, shadows were everywhere, moving around, but they couldn't get to me or the kids. Another daughter walked in and said that one her friend's parents were in the living room. I went out to talk to them and they were dropping off both their daughter and son for a sleepover. I didn't want to take them. I already felt overwhelmed by all the kids already there and having to protect them. Next thing I know, there are several more kids there and I remember thinking that there was no way I would be able to protect them all. The shadows and obs were now chaotic in the living room and kitchen, yet the parents never even noticed. Some parents dumped their kids off at my house and left. The first set I saw sat in our living room and watched tv oblivious to everything going on. More and more kids kept coming. It was so out of control. I told my daughter to start sending this kids home. It was after 11:52 pm and the kids had school the next day. But more kept coming until the house was filled with neighbor kids. The more kids that that came, the worse the spiritual activity. finally I hear sirens outside and it is the fire department putting a fire out in my bedroom through the window. They told me that noone was hurt but none could leave because it was a criminal investigation. I woke up scared, searching for the shadows on my wall.
I have had spirit dreams in the past, this is nothing new, but they often leave me waking up terrified of the supernaural. I am proud that I was able to put the shield up in my dream. Spirit dreams for me often are about spirits trying to communicate. In this case, these were a combination of uncrossed spirits and lower realm entities. The activity has been building, and I have been meaning to cleanse, I guess this is my warning to do so soon!
I used to have lucid dreams when  was a kid. I wasn't able to control what I dreamt but I was able o control the dream itself, make conscious statements and action in a sub-conscous world. I thought i had lost that ability but I guess not.
I am wondering what the dream means. The only thing I can think of was earlier yesterday evening, I found out about the eclipse for today. I wanted to magickally embrace the energy to make some positive changes in my life. I also wanted to gain more psychic power being that I feel I have been in a rut. I was thinking about creating the ritual but figured I would simply ask. Ask and you shall receive. I think my desire opened that door for me, because in my dream, I could see them, all of them. Some it was through their actions, some orbs and some shadows. I never saw faces, but I could pin-point each one ,making it easier for me to get a sense of how many. I know there are some here, it's harder to pin-point them. I know I am not taking the proper time to read the energies. My conscious mind seems so cluttred with work and day to day stuff that anything lately seems almost impossible to tap into.
It's like i go to work and there are people around me all day. Everything is always so loud. Background noise, alot of activity, people talking, yelling, and everything else under the sun. I channel this energy into doing my job in front of me trying to block the rest of the stuff going on around me. But i still lack stillness. When I get home, my husband wants to talk, the kids want to hang out, tv's going, internet going and no matter what I do i just can't seem to get any quiet time alone. I don't blame anyone for this, but I know it strongly contributes to my block. I guess I depend on these dreams more then I realize.
My day's off are always the hardest. I usually have to much time to think about my life and how it's not where I feel it should be. I hate Arizona, I always have. I hate only having two seasons. I hate never having any money to go out and do things that I want to do. I feel trapped. We all do. I don't have any real direction in my life. I feel that there is a purpose with the gifts I have, but it doesn't bring us any financial gain. Not that I expect payment from the supernatural world, but it's hard to put the time and energy into my calling when I don't have hardly any left at the end of the day. The days seems to run in together and I feel that we are never moving forward. I know my husband feels the same. With his back, we just need him healed. It's that simple. It's so hard to balance everything.
So,back to the dream, what does it mean? Well, there are a whole lot of children and parents who don't seem to give a crap in our neighborhood. Their kids are always coming to our house to play with our kids. I bring them in when they are locked out of their house so they can call their parents. If they are not home, I let them hang out until their parents gets home. It bother's me though. I was kind of latch key kid myself, but I was always able to get in the house. And I was older, middle school. Some of these kids are like 8. So I understand the kids part and needing them to protect them. i also understand that the shadows and stuff could represent apathetic parents. So the theme, I got. But the energy I don't. It was fear. Fear of the spirits.

Time

In just one tiny moment your entire life change. I used to hate those tiny precious moments because I wanted to hold on to them forever. The pain of simply loosing that moment, my soul grieves. No matter how long I could hold on to that moment, the moment would just naturally pass, gone. Even though we carry that moment in our heats, it's just not the same when it's gone. Waiting so hard for that one tiny precious moment in time, spending years on blood,sweat and tears, just for moment to come and then pass so quickly. I used to think that all that work simply wasn't worth it, that the grief was to much to handle when it was gone, but it's those tiny little moments that we hold so close to our hearts, that move us deep inside. That one tiny moment when we realize how precious time really is.

We travel the path of time the moment we are born, yet I have also traveled the path where time ceases to exist.  It's in this place where I am all and all is me. This is the place where power is at it's highest for this is the place I am most connected.  This is the place where I reach your soul and I am whole, yet even the absence of time also ends therefore is also slave to time, for though those moments last as long as I like, they still end. But one critical thing is missing, the ability to touch and feel, the ability taste, the ability to make love, though it can be felt in spirit, it can never replace the caress of gentle hand across your face, the wetness of tears on your fingertips, the softness of a newborn. I know there is something within this I am meant to to learn. I know that all of these are connected, yet I haven't realized yet what or even how. So much power in spirit, yet it lacks the glue that binds life. It's not meant to be done independently, it's meant to be worked together, it's meant to be experienced together. Both good and bad, pain and ecstasty. It's a gift that the spirit world is void of, yet understands better then we ever will. I think I have always known this. I often live for a moment, moments I would spend a lifetime waiting to experience.

I've grieved death since childhood, because I somehow knew that to die, I would loose this gift. I would loose my ability to not only feel the depths of love, but to express it. I've listened to many spirits tell their stories, yet their message is always the same, appreciation for the physical world.

This where things get blurred for me. It's hard to experience life to it's fullest potential when we are bound by our physical needs and the inability to sustain that. I guess this is the price we must pay. We become numb, shut-off from one another, and maybe that is the point, learning to connect regardless of the situation we are in. To appreciate those things that we  hold so close to our hearts, helping us figure out what matters most. Finding our own reason for life. I know I came back for love, to find love. The kind of love that reaches to the core yet I found alot of pain. I am learning that pain is indeed a part of love, and for me, this pain is essential in order to not only find what it is I am seeking, but to keep it. Love is my purpose. Not just romantic love, but pure love, love that last beyond time and space. Love is the core of life. Love is the key. Happy love, sad love.
 I have to remember what I am fighting for. It doesn't end here. I'm not done. It's what pushes me. So when did I stop opening my heart? More important..why? Because I felt like noone saw me. I started feeling like the world's dumping ground, like noone cared about me and a part of me stopped caring about myself.

But the look in their eyes, that instant trust, knowing that I would not hurt them, that one moment, and knowing that it was me they choose. It's like handing over your most precious thing, the one thing that noone else knows and yet, you, this total stranger , they hand it over to you without a second thought. It's these moments that I live for. That moment in time. And at that moment, nothing else matters. I've become selfish. I wanted someone to wipe my tears, to feel my pain, but noone did and I became angry. I didn't understand why everyone else was important but I wasn't. I didn't understand why God would send them to me but would send me noone. But he did, he sent me himself, the only one who could handle it.

Betrayal... When self is more important that someone else.
I don't get it, I just don't, I'm pissed, I'm hurt, I should have known. What I don't get is how some lame ass doctor get's what you don't.  Everything I do is for you, but I won't let any one treat me like that without coming back at them,  by throwing it back in their face, because for people like, that's the only way they will get it and he did, but you didn't and that's what hurts the most. I could have gotten over him being a dick, what I can't get over is you letting him. He pulls this shit on me and I'm supposed sit there and take it but God forbid I do the same exact thing and I'm the one looking like the asshole. It's not right. Once I told him that he did the same exact thing to me and he disrespected me first, he got it.  Then when I told him that I was there for you, then he really got it, because he realized that we were both there for one reason and one reason only....you! But you, you don't get that, the only thing you get is me being a bitch and he's the nice guy that got bullied by me.
He doesn't see your pain, you want him to see your pain, all he has to do it look at me. This anger is your pain, I'm merely a reflection of that.  I'm the one that this there when you are in pain, I'm the one doing healing on you or trying to comfort you when your down, everything you ask I do, but I won't allow anyone to treat me like shit , not even for you.
I would never allow someone to talk to you like, never. If I had to see a doctor, I would never let them blow your opinion off.
I don't know, I gotta go to work so I'll deal with this later,......

Where Are You?

Dear God,
Where are you? I can't see you , I can't feel you, I feel like I'm stuck in this dungeon all over again, falling further down the rabbit hole. How many times are we going to have to loose it all? I used to think it was because of my ex and his insanity, but it's been my entire life. It never stops, it never ends.

I can't do this. I'm in a situation where I have to financially support my family and I work my ass off, yet it's not enough. It's not enough so much that we are loosing our home! It's not actually our home, it's a rental, but you get the point. None of this makes any sense to me. I do healing, yet, for others it works like a charm, but for my husband...nothing! So now we have to depend on these quack doctors and everything they do just makes it worse! They have completely disabled him yet they tell him to get a job and blow us off, we're not their problem!  The whole plan to come down here was so we could work and afford to simply survive, and we would have been fine, but no, that would be to easy. 

I'm loosing faith in alot of things, and I'm beginning to think I truly am cursed. It's not the people in my life, it's me. And when our physical lives get thrown up-side down, so does the paranormal increase. I don't know what to do, I don't know what I can do. How can I help other people if I can't even help us? I'm called to be a minister, but at this moment, I can't even minister to the dead!

For some reason,while on a short break, it was like a veil lifted and I'm seeing things more clearly now. If I can I will explain more later, but it's starting to make sense, on a deeper level. Again, with the greater good. I can't take this personally, by doing so I'm defeating my purpose and we will fail. I see this now, and I won't allow my family to fail.

Premonitions

Sometimes having psychic abilities can really suck,especially when the prediction that is coming true is your own. I did a year forecast last October on Samhiem for this year. I predicted a move in August which is now coming to pass.I was hoping it would be a move up but deep down I knew it would because our financial ituation would be worse, which was also predicted. The cards showed a negative change in income
and hardship for a few months and then a move and sure as shit, everything has come to pass, just as I saw it.
The good news is that change will help us financially but will take a few months for us to see,so in this sense,I should be happy, but I feel like I'm being forced to walk through the fire once again. Nothing is ever balanced. It's like either our finances are ok, and something else is lacking, or our finances suck and have to leave a job I really like.The older I get, the harder it becomes. It almost feels like a life theme for a lesson I never seem to get.It's always the same thing, the same story, yet it  feels like I have no control, like I have no say in any of this. It's like in life your merely dealt a certain hand and the lesson is merely learning to deal with what you get. Just like the song say's, ,it's not getting what you want but wanting what you got.

I used to look at my premonitions as a curse, then when I started developing my abilities, I started seeing them as an opportunity, like a universal head's up to make changed before they happen, but no matter what I do, the scene always play's  out exactly as I see it and no amount of magic or praying or even pleading ever changes it. People say premonitions and predictions are subjective and change, but not once has that been the case for me. I'm beginning to feel that they are not subjective and do not change, but merely giving me  a little time to brace myself for the inevitable.

I guess the lesson here is to be careful what you ask for. You ask to see the future and you will  be shown. The Universe doesn't care if you like it or not, it is what it is.  Life is like the ocean, some days are beautiful and calm, some foggy and cold, sometimes the storms are merely clouds passing through and sometimes it's tsunami's ripping through, destroying everything in it's path. But we're survivors and this to shall pass. I'm not going to cry or even get angry, I'm going to stand here with my head held high knowing that this merely another storm and we will make it just like we did every other storm and all of the others to come.

The Light

I know that we often go through hard times and often it is because there is a lesson to be learned, but somehow that excuse just doesn't cut it. True understanding must come from within, but the path of spiritual knowledge doesn't pay the bills. The balance between the physical and spiritual are often blurred. Mankind had evolved so much, I often wonder why we left simplicity behind. People used to take care of one another, now it's a free for all.
The greatest gifts are always free, but society has a way of robbing us from even that. Even mother nature has a price tag now a days. God always seems to provide one way or the other,it will be interesting to see how it will e done this month. The ship is sinking quickly and I have no idea how I'm going to keep it afloat. All I know is that today I was presented with a choice, do I finally put away my boxing gloves and conform to the rest of the world, or do I hold on to what is left of my soul and do what I feel is right and just, even if it means my family will sink? I can't...no, I won't compromise my integrity, I won't bow down and submit to the things I despise, I will not sell my soul for easy money. I do not judge those who can do this, but for me, my soul dies even considering it. But we can't loose everything either, for the first time in many years, I am once again  relying solely on faith.
Emotionally, I'm a wreck. I'm always so tired. This whole situation has taken a toll on me and I am not recovering as quickly as I did in the past. I normally allow myself the release to merely sink into the abyss and then climb back out again but that is a pleasure I can't afford to indulge in this time. Everyone needs me to e strong once again. It's hard when you feel so weak. I'm thinking my " away with the blues" spell may work.
It's funny because my husband keeps saying the reason why we are so poor all the time is because we are so pure. We always do what we feel is right inside and never compromise that, but after solidifying my decision right now, there is a light within my soul and I  know that I am on the right path for me,for us. The path less taken is always a difficult road to walk, but the riches that come with it, not even money can buy. The only way to e true to our God,gods, is to be true to ourselves.
Even though the road is dark, there is a light within that will always shine because I am the keeper of this light and I know the importance of not allowing it to go out. This light I keep close to my heart always. It is what guides my path and those who choose to follow. It is for all who choose to accept. It breathes life, it is life, it is the soul, the core of who we are.
I'm being called into a circle now. Take this with you are leave it be. May the blessings of the Divine e upon you.

The Eye of the Storm

Life has cast me inside yet another whirlwind. Tossing and turning , spinning us all around. Things have happened so quickly the last couple of months we never really had a chance to recover. We are still within the midst of the storm, we see no end to it any time soon.
We have been provided for and to be perfectly honest I do not know how we made it without loosing everything, and for this I am greatful. I have asked for this storm to pass, but instead I was taken into the middle of it, the eye,last night.
The day started out very unstable. I have felt the pull of energy the last few days and then Friday night found about the super moon, which made sense with the amount I was picking up on. The day started taking a turn for the worse as one thing piled on after another. I was frustrated and angry. I knew with the energy so strong this could be channeled, but I also knew I was not grounded enough to channel it into something positive. My husband came up with an idea to have a campfire in the backyard. This completely lifted everyone's mood. He began to gather some firewood and the kids some stones to create a ring. At 9 we started the fire under the moon. It was so beautiful.
     We did a little fire divination and my daughter saw her spirit animal which was the butterfly. My son's was the fish. I found another one of mine, which is the red dragon, right in the fire. The log had it's body and face, including the eyes and the smoke was coming from his nose. I was told that I actually have 4 and each one represents each element. I knew of the Raven, snow olw,  and the wolf, but now the dragon and then it dawned on me that each DID represent a different element. Raven and owl, for me represents air because it is a bird and flies. The Wolf always represented earth because it walks upon the earth and is grounded to it. The Dragon always represented fire to me. And a couple of weeks ago, I was drawn to a white Orca. I felt he was also leading me.
I started talking about energy a little bit to my chldren and so we raised some of the energy in order to make the fire bigger. We each took turns and my kids got to invision different things and watch it happen.My daughter invisioned other small fires and more tiny flames appeared and then disappeared after she broke the connection. My son wanted it to spiral on top of a log and the fire began to wrap around the tip.  We tried it as a group. Didn't work so well because our energy together wasn't in sinc. But it was fun to try. This really set a positive tone to the evening and helped me ground my energy a bit.
    I wish I had a bit more time. I could stay there for hours alone if I could.
But in the midst of the storm I was shown the eye and the eye is that of peace, direction and intention. It is a place in time where time stands still and all things are possible. Within this place nothing else exsist then the energy around you. It is yours to choose on how to use it. Last night, I intended it to be used for other things but instead it was used to help my children see the greatness within themselves.  To see how powerful they truy are.
   Each gift that is given to us is eternal. Once we receive it, it becomes a part of us. Now the eye is with me always. It is my refuge inside of every storm that will ever come. Had I been taken out of the storm, it would have only protected me once. But by taking me to the center and giving me the eye, I am protected from every storm forever.
If you are ever offered this gift, it would be wise to accept it. There is no greater peace then the peace that is found in the midst of total chaos. There is no greater moment then a moment where time stands still. And when you pray, do not pray for escape from the storm pray for the center, the eye, for it is the eye where your power tries lyes.

Morning Prayer

Posted by Mystic Angel PR. Thu at 10:39 AM - # 

As I dip into the sacred pools, I wash away all that alienates me from feeling the love of the Divine. I wash away sadness and despair, you no longer have a home in my heart. I release the one's that bind my soul. You no longer have power over me. From this moment forth, I am free of the chains that bind me. The love and light of the Divine envelopes me with peace of mind and joy within my soul.
I walk the path of the Mystic's before me. Divine love is the light that guides me, surrounds me and shelter's me.  I walk the path of the sacred which leads me to the sacred pools of healing. I am comforted by the mighty wings of the Archangels, those which carry me to the loving arms of the Divine. I fear not for I am a child of the light, therefore I am light. I am a child of the Divine, therefore I am Divine.  No matter the shadows of night come before me, I will continue my path in light, in love and in stregnth. None shall stop me from seeking the Great Mystery of Old, the sacred path of the Divine, for it is blessed and I am blessed.
With the power of Divine love and light I now surround myself and family with the power and energy of the highest light. I banish all darkness from our site. I banish all that is not Divinely sent, those who wish to cause harm upon us. I banish all sickness and alignments that prevent us from Divine Healing. I banish fear, for fear is not of the Divine and has no place here.
In this circle full and round
Divine light now abound.
With your love and with your peace
all that is undivine now release
Ocean waves, Burning Fire
Bring forth now Thy hearts desire
Sacred pools wash us clean
Through the sacred power of the Holy Three
We are now free!
As Thy will so shall it be!!

Morning Journal Entry 2/29/2012

• Posted by Mystic Angel PR. Wed at 9:49 AM - # 
    I am a little tired. We woke up and then fell back asleep.I had kind of a weird dream but I normally do when I fall asleep after it is light outside. The last part of my dream was about moving to Oregon. I was alone again, just the kids and I. My dad was with me. Then I was trying to call my mom and ended up calling Sharon instead. She was really rude to me and said "no, I'm am not in need of a psychic medium" and hung up on me. Obviously there are some worries about rejections from friends who are extremely religious. We all must walk our own path. Sometimes path's are not got a good fit for another and one must break the ties. So if she ever feels like she needs to with me because of who I am then I will let her leave in love and peace. A part of me has already left though, when she lumped psychics with being creatures "evil". Maybe there is a small part of me wondering if I am on the right path but Jesus never followed the masses either.He taught the love of God. When I meditate and feel the energy that I felt last night, I know within the core of my being that this is truth and this is what we are supposed to evolve to. Jesus understood God's love, and the depth of it. If I am experiencing this I can only imagine what he knew. But he never back down. He died trying to show us God's love. He was brought down for that specific reason. Whoa! I was just focusing on Jesus and his picture on the candle on the night stand and a black orb just got out from the top of the dresser. The energy feels so much lighter now. Thank you Jesus!
  It makes me wonder how many of us who are sent down here for that reason. So many Angels, humans, fairies to keep the balance. Religion has always been such a strong belief that people go to war over it, which seems to defeat the entire purpose,lol. Bu, it not my battle. My job is to continue down this path and to embrace the love of God and to spread it. I had an awesome meditation last night. Hmmm, I am picking up another spirit. This one feels human, female, sad. I was told right now by Jesus that more will be coming. There is so much peace and love in this room right now.
     I've been learning the balance. It's one lesson that must be experienced, but aren't they all. I wondered how a fierce love could bring both strength and peace and last night I saw that it could. I can't explain how it is done, but it is. But the key is that the fierceness of that love, the catalyst is not fear, it's power brought on by that love. Just like when I left Pennsylvania with my kids. The driving force for that was not anger for my ex, that happened later, it was love for my children and doing everything in my power to make sure we would survive. There was power and strength brought on by my love for them. Last night I was able to experience that on a greater scale. It's an amazing feeling. There was no feelings like I was merely a tool, I was simply one with that energy. I received it and sent it out, like one unit. There was no separation. There was no doubt, there was no second guess. The Divine spoke, the Divine showed me and I merely followed the guidance within and without. I also understand the other side a little bit better now, looking hindsight. The power of the Divine, or should I say the power of the light is dependent upon the combined energy of all and working together as one powerful supernatural unit, unity is essential . The power of the lower realm is selfish and depends on the power of oneself.
      Jesus wasn't kidding when he was telling us about the power we have access to. I write copy and paste what happened last night, though it will do no justice compared to the actual experience. It's all beginning to make sense. The whole and how to use all the abilities as a whole. There was no thought or even wondering which ability to tap into first. All I did was let go. Immediately, I astral projected to certain places where he spoke to me and I could hear him, showed me people and I knew what energy needed to be sent and them moved on to the next, it just flowed and my spirit flowed with it, free, without restraint, without conscious thought, without doubt, just pure Divine energy in form. I hope one day I can put into words the experience or be able to help someone be able to experience this as well.
      However, with knowledge comes responsibility, all that I describe is done through Divine presence. I guess that it why it is hidden within until we are ready to understand it, for the only access to it is through Divine love. This is probably why Jesus said that the dark has no control over us. It's not a conscious choice, it's pure Divine presence. The same energy that spirits feel when they cross over I am sure. Everyday I learn more.
    Anyway's, here is my journal entry from last night. In no way does this do any justice, and may not even make any sense, but I will post it anyway's.
  
  My Lord, what shall I do today? He gently smiles and shows me the earth and all of the people. "Take your pick. There is so much to be done." I see visions of pain, despair, hopelessness and sickness. As a Priestess, it is my duty to serve. I have been called and I am willing to respond. My service is to God. Tonight I send peace and love to the land of Syria and then to the earth.
  As I travel, I become one with the energy of love and peace. I am one with Divine light and energy. I am one with night sky as my wings take me to where I need to go. I travel to the land of Syria and the to Germany. Such beauty and peace. People's faces come to me, those who are brought forth in order to bring healing and comfort throughout the night. The energy flows around them and surrounds them with that which is needed at the moment. The human needs are often like the ocean tides, they come and then leave again, to come back with yet another need. I know who I am now and what I am capable of achieving for the good of all. We are all given powerful gifts and which, if used divinely create miracles for others near and far. I thank thee oh Lord for your precious gift that is shared. Thank you for allowing me to experience the depths of both humanity and that of your precious love and light. In this realm I feel both your power and strength fueled by only love. Your love is fierce, yet so gentle. In your eyes, none are unworthy of that love. Your love transcends all understanding. There is nothing you would not do to make sure that love is given and shown and you have chosen us to carry that love within and to give that love to others. I am slowly beginning to understand and in this moment I can see it, feel it. None are denied your presence nor are they denied your love.
  

Failure Club

Posted by Mystic Angel PR. Tue at 2:45 PM - # 

I responded to someone's post this morning about being an "expert" in failure. Something happened just a few moments ago that is forcing me to rethink this. The last few years I have learned to accept failure as a part of my life. I chalked it up as part of the "family curse". Amongst others that seem to be passed down. i have been learning to walk in the shadows and to accept that this is part of who I am, including failure.
  My dad has failed in every business venture he has ever tried. I knew the real reason fo this was because of his desire not to be a successful business man but to simply escape from his current reality. I have also led the life of a gypsy and have felt the sting of failure on many occasions. Failure as a wife, failure as a daughter, failure as a friend, failure of being the rock. But my biggest failure was being a mother.
   I was 17 when i had my oldest daughter. i was emancipated and on my own. I was in an abusive relationship which ended when my oldest was 6 months. I was determined to make something of myself so I could take care of her and I. i went back to school and graduated from Nursing School, but unable to find work afterward in California. I went from one bad relationship to another. Nine years and two more children later, the marriage ended and my children and I had to make it on our own once again. At that point in my life, failure wasn't an option. We packed what little we could in the car and traveled from one side of the country to the other with nothing more then a hope and a determination of a better life. It was a rough journey, but we made it. I often felt guilty because I never had the means to provide all of the material items they needed. Even now, I can't even afford the basics. But if there was one thing I always wanted for my children was to learn to never give up on themselves. To know that they are important and to never give up, EVER and i would never give up on them!
    My theme has been to accept this, but I was one to never give up. I wouldn't accept failure. I didn't care what it took, but if I failed, then they would fail and I wasn't about to let that happen. But the guilt has always eaten at me and this is the root of the failure.
     My oldest daughter is now in collage and I couldn't be more proud. She asked me for my help on another assignment. The assignment was to write a paragraph of someone who has been a major role model in your life, aside from a celebrity. So she wrote about me. She wrote how my determination and equality had inspired her. The ability to keep pushing and never giving up and to never allow herself or anyone else to look down on her. This essay was very humbling for me to read.
     I realized that I never failed as a mother, in fact, I succeeded because i gave her the most essential tools that she will ever need to survive in this life. I taught her how to endure. I taught her how to be strong. I taught her how to never take no for an answer. I taught her to love herself even when she felt noone else did. I taught her to never give up.
    I never failed  because she learned exactly what I wanted to teach her.

Spirit Crossing 2/13/2012

• Posted by Mystic Angel PR. February 14 - # 
  Tonight I was asked to cross over spirits. I often do it once or twice a month and in my meditation this morning was asked to make it tonight. We have a pretty fool-proof and awsome system going on.
  Looking hindsight, at the first spirit I encountered as a 5 year old, I was already trying to cross over spirits. I remember looking at him and then looking towards heaven, encouraging him to go. That's when he showed me his version of what heaven would be like and all hell broke loose, literally. But that's another story. But I was thinking about that the other night. This is one of my purposes and all of the lessons I have learned from the past has brought me to this point now. My method is very different then most because I did learn from an early age on how dangerous the spirit realm can actually be. After years of panic attacks and physical attacks, I learned some of the most common sense things, and it all boils down to energy. In order to call upon the light, I had to know the light, I had to merge with this light, become one with it. I had to learn what it truly means to be of the light. Even if I am not always that connected, at that very moment, it's essential.
  Through trial and error and watching others do the same thing, I realized that confrontation, with good intentions or not are pure energy. Often when we confront the dark, our fears often turn into anger, domination, a pissing contest if you will. Many people use the authority of the Divine, but love is the key. In order for me to learn to love, I had to first learn to accept what I fear and to shed light upon it, not fight it or suppress it. This is often done with the spiritual realm and the veils between light and dark become clouded, confusing and dangerous. Often it is our emotions that are fed upon. When we give this energy to the darker entity, the feed off of it like candy. But when we are so engulfed in the light and our focus is soley on love and help for that person, we shine that light into the dark and the shadows move away. No confrontation, no harrassment and the goal is achieved.
  The method that was actually shown to me by the Divine is actually a very controlled setting because the biggest problem I had was the darker and more malisious entities not wanting to loose those souls. It's like a mixed drink, a little bit of lost, a little bit of more malious eneties, shadows, all of it. And this is when attacks happen most often. I didn't realize my sensativity until I went to that one church where the field was filled with all of them and it felt like a mess, like people asking to be attacked. Now I'm saying this is the only way or the best way, it's just best for me and may help someone else who may have the same problem I did. But basically, the first thing I do is open and secure my circle. I do a cleansing of myself and then I do it for everyone in my house including the animals after securing the home with a very strong protective shield. Once everything is cleansed and secured, I envision a lit path. There are two veils, one to the light and the one they enter through. I keep the veils closed and then cleanse the path and add a strong protective shield around it. I ask the Archangels to come and protect the enterance from anyone who is not ready to cross over or who wasn't guided by the Divine. Then I have more angels protecting the entire path. Some are there to protect, some to help welcome and guide them down the path or to simply minister to them. Once this is set and secured, I open the veil to the light and ask Jesus to stand at the entrance. The path now become flooded with love and light as I continue to balance the flow of energy as well. At this point my energy has merged with the light energy or God's love and light that we are like a gigantic beacon. It is so peaceful that my animals don't even freak out anymore. Once this is set, I tell them that the only one's allowed down this path are the one's ready to cross over. They must stay on the path and are not allowed to veer from it or to bother anyone here. There are some that will say a few word to me, which is great, but these controls are set to protect everyone. So I open the veil on that end and then they come through. At this point most have already released their baggage and are simply ready. There are usually a few who are ready but fearthey may not be worthy or feel that Jesus would not forgive them. This happend to me twice tonoght. I told them if they have forgiven themselves, then Jesus will also forgive them. Some were even pets. I tell them that this path is protected and they are welcome to come through to go to the light. I have had a couple who have changed their minds and went back. But I know that when they are ready, they will go at their own time. The Angels always tell me when to close the veil on the other side and so I do.I place a lock and the door is sealed shut. Then they will continue through until they cross over.
       Tonight was purely amazing. There were so many of them. I watched as loved one's already crossed over met them on the path and guided them through. One was a homeless man and his dog came and met him on the path. That was it, he had to have been the happiest man on the planet. Sisters and brother, loved one's who died in combat, widows, children, orphans. There was one little boy looking for his mother. I told him his mother wasn't here yet. He said that his mother told him to go to Jesus, so I pointed to where Jesus was standing and the kid took off and ran right up to him. He stood by him the entire time. There were many orphans that came through. They appeared to be from an orphanage. Angels took their hands and guided them to Jesus as well and they all stood next to him at the entrance, hand in hand. And then I saw the most beautiful thing, many of the families that came to meet their loved and walked to the light, started taking the children as if they were adopted parents and families. One here, two, three there, until the children were gone. Those who had noone were now taken in my other people who would love and care for them, bringing them into their soul family. It was so amazing.
       Grampa's message:
  My grandfather arrived. It was actually quite interesting to see him since I wasn't sure he would be ready to cross over. He wanted me to give a message to my family. He wanted to say he was sorry for all the things he did. He grew up in Germany during a time where strict house rules were in force and abuse was a common thing. As he got older and took a wife, started having children, he passed on what he learned. He also became an alcoholic and abused his wife and his kids. Because of the type of man he was, most of the family hated him. His wife also left him after the kids were grown. When he came to me he was so ashamed of what he did. He wasn't sure if he would be forgiven. He was the one I told, "if you can forgive yourself, Jesus will forgive you to". He was so determined to come back and do it right the next time. He wanted to make it up to the family and vowed to come back as a new man. There was so much love in his heart at that moment. I never realized how much he really loved my grandmother until that moment. He said that she was his life and he died inside when she left. I felt that, but there such a determination about his energy and the conviction in his words. A family member of mine will have a baby boy soon. He plans to reincarnate into this child and make up for every thing he did wrong in his life. He wants to be able to show them how much he truly loved each and every one of us. I put a blessing around, one that will be carried for his next incarnation. He told me that the family "curse" was fear. Fear was his demon and that of the family. He told me I was very brave to do this and to free myself of the fear.  He told me he loved me very much and then went up to Jesus. Jesus took him in his arms and my grandfather cried so hard. Jesus pointed towards the light and said "Welcome" and my grandfather walked in a new man.There was a bright glow around him. He was finally free.
  
  Ester's Message:
    Ester is someone I met many years ago at church. Everyone practically worshiped the ground she walked on. She seemed to be so close to Jesus it was like she had her own phone line to God. Practically every woman in my singles group wanted to be just like her. I knew something was off, but I could never pin-point it. At that point, I didn't pay much attention to my intuition. But I saw a pattern in her that I should have picked up but never did. On her 21st birthday, she committed suicide. I felt so guilty, I should have seen it sooner. I later found out that all of the family suffered with severe depression and abuse while growing up. She had come to me a few months ago. She started walking down the path and then disappeared. I didn't think she crossed over. I knew how tortured she was and it saddened me that she was so close but changed her mind. She came again tonight. She also asked if there was room for forgiveness, to me, to her family, to Jesus. She knew the people she hurt but explained that she was trapped in her own self misery that she couldn't love anyone, least of all herself. All she wanted was to be free and this is why she did it. However, it took her 16 years to work through the guilt and the pain. Mostly the guilt of what she had done. God had given her life and yet she took it away. She didn't want the life that was given. Now Jesus was standing before her and she wasn't sure if he would accept her apology. I told her that we all forgive her and to forgive me as well. Her message is now that she had found love, she is able to love all of those she left behind in a way that she couldn't before. She wanted everyone to know that she is now happy, the happiest she had ever been and has vowed to come and guide everyone, including myself. I told her I could use all the advice I could get. She kissed me on the left cheek and went towards Jesus. He had his arms open and like a small child she literally jumped right into the. Tears of joy ran down her face. She took his hand and looked at me one last time. Her smile was so radiant.
     She was the last.
  
  I closed the veil and decided to talk to the Divine myself. Thanked them for their help and for allowing me to be a part of such a wonderful thing. I bowed before them and told them that I was happy and willing to serve however I can. At that moment, I saw the shackles on my arms fall off. And then the shackles on my legs also fell off and disappeared. I was told that this is why my job was so important. This is what it means to be a medium. We are the middle ground of both light and dark, the are the medium, the bridge between light and dark.
  I re-cleansed the path as well as my house and the family and pets, and drew in more Divine light and energy into the home. Our house is so peaceful right now. Filled with so much love and peace.
  
  Anyway's this was such an amazing experience I thought I would share it. Thank you for reading. Blessed Be.
  

A Message from the Faries

Posted by Mystic Angel January 16 - # 

I had no idea how hard my heart has become. Ever since I broke down the wall, I guess I made a choice to rebuild it once again and never even realizing it. I felt led to spend a little time working with Fairy Oracle. The First card I pulled was the crone. I had no idea where this meditation was going to lead to, but it sure hit home when I got to the end. I wanted to share this with you. It never ceases to amaze me how Spirit communicates with us, always revealing the most profound yet simply things. If you want to know what it means to be "enlightened" it's nothing more then the gift of realization.

These are the 4 cards from heart of the Fairy I pulled.
The Crone- the fairy if wisdom.
The Question- The waterfall and pull acts as a wishing well to reveal the answers of which the seeker requests.
The Tempatation- the opposition force that holds one back from following the destined path.
The Farie of Youth- the inner child within that longs to be free again.

As i look into the sacred pool, I see my reflection, that of myself as a child. She is fearful, fearful of what? Everything. She fears the shadows, she fears life, she fears change, and she fears the end. It is difficult for her to understand that in order to have a new beginning, some things must first end and receive closure. At this moment, she does not want to leave. She does not want to get older or to leave the magickal place behind. It is safe. It is full of endless possibilities. I see her looking around as if she is searching for something. She appears to be lost and afraid, yet there is a familiarity to this that she can't deny. She feels alone, though she wishes for companionship, she finds comfort in the solitude. There is a sense of peace within the loneliness.
   She see's something shining in the distance. She walks towards this treasure. As she draws near, a creature, a snake hangs down from the tree. She recognizes this as the temptation. She really wants this object, this light that shines so brightly. It brings peace and beauty. She see's tall buildings, people walking up and down the sidewalk, life. A very busy life with normal people in a normal world.  But there is fear, for she knows that if she takes it, then all that she knows will fade and her life will completely change. She begins to walk away, looking behind her shoulder. She wonders if she is ready. She finds a rock and perches upon it. In front of her is a beautiful field with large mountains off in the distance. Fireflies dance in the dusk lighting a path through the grass. She glances over one last time towards the shiny object. For some reason, this time it doesn't seem to call her anymore.
She walks through the golden grass down the path set before her. She does not know where she is heading, but she knows that where she is going is where she should be. The sun sets and the stars began to twinkle in the sky. She see's the man up in the sky with a bow and arrow pointing the way. She begins to realize how vast the universe is and how small she is. She layes in the grass just gazing up in the sky in awe and wonder. As she begins to fall asleep a covering made out of soft green grasses cover her and keep her warm for the night. Feeling safe, she falls asleep.
    The sun begins to rise as a new day begins. She continues down her her path and again she's the shiny object. Again, she passes it by, choosing to walk alone, in this wondrous place. Sure the nights seem darker here, but the stars shine so bright. Te shiny object could never compare. Day after day, year after year, the child grows into womanhood. Still continuing down the same path. Through deep valleys and high peaks, through great sorrow and grief to profound joy and simplicity. Still she has no destination in mind, no place to call home, but she is content. Many years have passed since she saw the shiny object that seemed to promise normalcy and humanity. Then one day, it appears before her once again. She holds it tightly within her hands. She see's someone in it. The face of an angel. Her heart wells up. She longs to be there with him. But serpant comes back and tells her she can have this if she so chooses, but she would have to leave this world behind. Her heart begins to break and she slowly begins to walk away. He moves in front of her holding the object again. Again she looks within and see's great houses and fancy cars. Beautiful things. She isn't highly impressed ans walks away again. The third time he gets in front of her and again ask's her to look. She tell's him "no" but he put's it in front of her again. "Look". This time she saw horrendous things. She saw hurricanes and destruction. She saw people hurting one another. She saw loneliness and pain. Her heart broke.  Then she saw the angel again and in the midst of all the pain, she saw love. She asked herself. "What purpose do I serve other then myself by wandering around here?" I am alone, but I am content. I am afraid, yet I am strong. I have traveled to the bottom of many canyons, across the greatest rivers and have seen to tops of many mountains. But what purpose does this truly serve? The serapant transformed into an old woman and a veil appeared next to her. With her old hands she lifted the veil and the young woman walked through.
     Busy streets and careless people.She received strange stares from some as others walked passed her as if she were invisible. Never had she felt more alone then among the crowd. A world made up of concrete and steel replaced the lush green grass and open fields. She quickly regretted her decision and wanted to turn back, but the veil was gone. She was blinded by sorrow and pain, grieving the loss of all that she had and not understanding the point of all of this. No longer seeing the beauty or the magick of this place.
      She often wondered if she made the wrong choice. Feelings as if life had no purpose.
One day the old woman returns . The young woman appears worn and weary, filled with sadness and grief. The woman asks her why she was deceived? Where was the angel she was promised. Where was the love she saw. The old woman pulls out the shiny object and ask's the young woman to look at it. Again, she saw looks and see's the world dark and bleak, filled with sadness and loneliness. She tell's the woman" I see nothing different then my life now". The old woman tells her that the shiny thing is nothing more then a mirror reflecting  what there is inside. If you could dream about the life that you would choose for yourself what would it be?" The young woman looked again and saw three shining beautiful faces. The faces of her children. Next to them was the angel. The faces of her husband. The old woman pointed and the young woman saw them coming towards her. The buildings began to disappear and was soon transformed into the beautiful field with the mountains in the background. The old woman looked her and asked why she choose to go into a world filled with pain and sorrow?Filled with emptiness and grief. The young woman answered" for love."
But I still do not understand. The old woman smiled. "Life without love held no purpose to you, so you left the place of safety and comfort and risked everything for that love. The building of concrete reflected the confines of your heart. As you can see off in the distance some of the stones still exsist, but your world is no longer covered in concrete and stone. It is now lush and green, with a little bit of stone that was built to house you and your family. Now that you have love, you have a purpose, you have a reason for living. And that love speads. The old woman cast her arms towards the field as other people began to walk toward her. Some bore the scars of their own jounrneys. But each filled with joy and peace.
   Through your grief and pain, your desire for love still burned. That love spread through one person, who then found love and spread to another, and another. That love saved your angel, your husband and now your children. This world, this beauty around you, this is a reflection of the love within. Do not be afraid to share it, to give it nor to accept it. You have been wondering what your purpose is, isn't it obvious? You entire purpose is to love and that love will manifest in many different ways. You fought the shadows for love, you traveled between time and space for love, and you helped those in need because of love.
     You have grown hard. You've surrounded your heart in concrete once again. The wall you worked so hard to destroy you have slowly been building up once again. This isn't the life you had envisioned and the reason why is because your shadows keep blinding you from the love within. It's not light, for light only comes from one source, love. Without love, there would be no light. The stars were made to give you light within the darkness, but without love, noone would care if you could see or not. Love is the root of everything. Once you learn this lesson, then will your life began to change. Then your life will have purpose and meaning once again. It doesn't matter what you do, for whatever is done without love holds no meaning to anyone.See your world through the eyes of love, my dear Angel and you will find what you seek.

Dark Moon Candle Divination Posted by Mystic Angel January 20 - #

I have been feeling kind of low this evening. I don't feel that I am living up to my potential. I went in search on what it means to be a Mystic. Ironically, I find myself looking up the typical stuff, mysticism, psychic and all that other wonderful stuff. But that is not what makes me a Mystic, what makes me a mystic is my continued search of self-discovery. I seem to make a common mistake, looking for outside souces to fill that which is within. I will never find what I seek there, so I must go inward. But the path of self discover, I have learned today isn't always going to magickal, sometimes it's mundane and it is up to me to put the magic in it. So I did a candle divination this evening. I will put the symbols here.
The first thing I noticed was an Angel up in the sky and it appeared to have a cord attached below. This is a reminder of who I am but that I am not just connected to the higher realm, I am connected also to the earth. I am always afraid that if I get to involved in the spiritual, I will loose my humanity, but I think that I have forgotten who I am. I am a creator of the Divine and I will never loose my attachment to this earth because I am connected to this earth and those within it, always. There is no ascending and descending, it's merely going from one road to another, but all roads lead to the same destinations. High, low, within, without, it's all connected, there is no separation. My higher self, the angel within travels with me down below, here on earth, but when I rise again, I am still grounded. I feel the message is that I do not have to be afraid, for they both are a part of me. When I turned the angel over, I saw a strange looking man with only one eye. The man represents pain and the ability to not see clearly. I am often blinded by so much pain, that I cannot see who I really am, I caanot fully see for I am blinded by one eye, yet the other eye still does see and allows me to see what I must this evening.
The second symbol I received is that of what appears to be a boat floating in water. It was attached to the angel. The boat represents safty , for it keeps you safe in the water and allows you travel to places you would not otherwise be able to travel to. The fact that it was attached is another safty net, which represents a fear for traveling down the path of the unknown. I prefer to stay where it is safe. Over time the boat broke off and traveled alone, free to roam where it chose to go. The message here is freedom from fear. When I turned the boat over, I saw the face of a wolf which represents power, courage and strength, also a totem animal of mine.
The third symbol I saw was an apple which represents wisdom. The boat floated towards the apple at one point, and feel that by letting go of fear of the unknown and traveling down my path, I will find much wisdom through my travels. My safety net holds me back from moving foward. I am in constant search of wisdom yet I need to allow myself the freedom to explore, for this is when and how I learn. I do not learn through books, I learn through life experiences. When I flipped it over, I saw a witches hat, for this is one area that I have been studying for several years and this is a major part of my path. This is where my spirituality is established and where faith grows quickly and freely. I am reminded not to abandon this path for it is a part of my just like everything else. These are tools that help me along my spiritual path and this is the connection point of my spiritual path.
The last symbol I received was the letter "E". When I turned it around it looked like a tiny fetus, which represents eternal life and new beginnings.
This all that I have from this reading but it has been quite beneficial. I know I must let go of fears and in time, this will come to pass.
When we ask, we will always be given the answers we seek. I am not lost as it feels, for now it has been revealed my deepest fears, giving me the stregnth to continue down my path.And for this I am blessed.

Living Life To The Fullest

Posted by Mystic Angel Tue at 8:52 PM - # 

   I often sit and think about life, the beauty, the pain, the smiles, and  the tears. I used to seek happiness for the pain in my heart was so great, but now that I have some measure of happiness, I have discovered that true happiness is not get rid of the pain, but to embrace it. To embrace everything, to embrace it all. I have spent a lifetime running from pain, yet have drowned in it and somewhere along the line, I learned that pain is not the opposite of happiness, it's part of what creates it.
    I have climbed the steps of heaven just to dive off of it into the depths of hell. I have found heaven in that hell. I have found life among the dead. I have found the greatest of love through anger and fear. I never knew how fragile the soul until I saw how hard my heart had truly become. You don't ever realize how warm and bright the sun is until you have been without it.
   Sometimes I wonder if people realize how precious life truly is. Has anyone every seen a beautiful tear? Has anyone truly let go of their heart enough to find out how deep love can truly go? We often look to those who have alot of money to inspire us to and show us how to live life to fullest, but the man who has the greatest understanding of how to live life is the man and woman who have nothing. They truly understand the worth of a dollar. They understand the simple things in life for it is all they have.I have never been closer to my husband and kids until I lived in a motel with them for 14 months. I never knew Christmas until that year and we had hardly anything, yet it was the best christmas ever because we shared it looking for starfish and hermit crabs in the tidepools on Montery Bay. We had no money for 5 star dining, but we had something better, Panda Express and ocean front dining, for free.
   If you truly want the love of Romeo and Juliet, allow yourself the risk of getting your heart stomped to the ground.  If you want to live life to the fullest wipe the tears from a dying child. If you want to  find your life purpose, spend a year loosing yourself. If you want to find happiness, embrace the pain you have endured.

A Message from the Faries

These are the 4 cards from heart of the Fairy I pulled.
The Crone- the fairy if wisdom.
The Question- The waterfall and pull acts as a wishing well to reveal the answers of which the seeker requests.
The Tempatation- the opposition force that holds one back from following the destined path.
The Farie of Youth- the inner child within that longs to be free again.

As i look into the sacred pool, I see my reflection, that of myself as a child. She is fearful, fearful of what? Everything. She fears the shadows, she fears life, she fears change, and she fears the end. It is difficult for her to understand that in order to have a new beginning, some things must first end and receive closure. At this moment, she does not want to leave. She does not want to get older or to leave the magickal place behind. It is safe. It is full of endless possibilities. I see her looking around as if she is searching for something. She appears to be lost and afraid, yet there is a familiarity to this that she can't deny. She feels alone, though she wishes for companionship, she finds comfort in the solitude. There is a sense of peace within the loneliness.
   She see's something shining in the distance. She walks towards this treasure. As she draws near, a creature, a snake hangs down from the tree. She recognizes this as the temptation. She really wants this object, this light that shines so brightly. It brings peace and beauty. She see's tall buildings, people walking up and down the sidewalk, life. A very busy life with normal people in a normal world.  But there is fear, for she knows that if she takes it, then all that she knows will fade and her life will completely change. She begins to walk away, looking behind her shoulder. She wonders if she is ready. She finds a rock and perches upon it. In front of her is a beautiful field with large mountains off in the distance. Fireflies dance in the dusk lighting a path through the grass. She glances over one last time towards the shiny object. For some reason, this time it doesn't seem to call her anymore.
She walks through the golden grass down the path set before her. She does not know where she is heading, but she knows that where she is going is where she should be. The sun sets and the stars began to twinkle in the sky. She see's the man up in the sky with a bow and arrow pointing the way. She begins to realize how vast the universe is and how small she is. She layes in the grass just gazing up in the sky in awe and wonder. As she begins to fall asleep a covering made out of soft green grasses cover her and keep her warm for the night. Feeling safe, she falls asleep.
    The sun begins to rise as a new day begins. She continues down her her path and again she's the shiny object. Again, she passes it by, choosing to walk alone, in this wondrous place. Sure the nights seem darker here, but the stars shine so bright. Te shiny object could never compare. Day after day, year after year, the child grows into womanhood. Still continuing down the same path. Through deep valleys and high peaks, through great sorrow and grief to profound joy and simplicity. Still she has no destination in mind, no place to call home, but she is content. Many years have passed since she saw the shiny object that seemed to promise normalcy and humanity. Then one day, it appears before her once again. She holds it tightly within her hands. She see's someone in it. The face of an angel. Her heart wells up. She longs to be there with him. But serpant comes back and tells her she can have this if she so chooses, but she would have to leave this world behind. Her heart begins to break and she slowly begins to walk away. He moves in front of her holding the object again. Again she looks within and see's great houses and fancy cars. Beautiful things. She isn't highly impressed ans walks away again. The third time he gets in front of her and again ask's her to look. She tell's him "no" but he put's it in front of her again. "Look". This time she saw horrendous things. She saw hurricanes and destruction. She saw people hurting one another. She saw loneliness and pain. Her heart broke.  Then she saw the angel again and in the midst of all the pain, she saw love. She asked herself. "What purpose do I serve other then myself by wandering around here?" I am alone, but I am content. I am afraid, yet I am strong. I have traveled to the bottom of many canyons, across the greatest rivers and have seen to tops of many mountains. But what purpose does this truly serve? The serapant transformed into an old woman and a veil appeared next to her. With her old hands she lifted the veil and the young woman walked through.
     Busy streets and careless people.She received strange stares from some as others walked passed her as if she were invisible. Never had she felt more alone then among the crowd. A world made up of concrete and steel replaced the lush green grass and open fields. She quickly regretted her decision and wanted to turn back, but the veil was gone. She was blinded by sorrow and pain, grieving the loss of all that she had and not understanding the point of all of this. No longer seeing the beauty or the magick of this place.
      She often wondered if she made the wrong choice. Feelings as if life had no purpose.
One day the old woman returns . The young woman appears worn and weary, filled with sadness and grief. The woman asks her why she was deceived? Where was the angel she was promised. Where was the love she saw. The old woman pulls out the shiny object and ask's the young woman to look at it. Again, she saw looks and see's the world dark and bleak, filled with sadness and loneliness. She tell's the woman" I see nothing different then my life now". The old woman tells her that the shiny thing is nothing more then a mirror reflecting  what there is inside. If you could dream about the life that you would choose for yourself what would it be?" The young woman looked again and saw three shining beautiful faces. The faces of her children. Next to them was the angel. The faces of her husband. The old woman pointed and the young woman saw them coming towards her. The buildings began to disappear and was soon transformed into the beautiful field with the mountains in the background. The old woman looked her and asked why she choose to go into a world filled with pain and sorrow?Filled with emptiness and grief. The young woman answered" for love."
But I still do not understand. The old woman smiled. "Life without love held no purpose to you, so you left the place of safety and comfort and risked everything for that love. The building of concrete reflected the confines of your heart. As you can see off in the distance some of the stones still exsist, but your world is no longer covered in concrete and stone. It is now lush and green, with a little bit of stone that was built to house you and your family. Now that you have love, you have a purpose, you have a reason for living. And that love speads. The old woman cast her arms towards the field as other people began to walk toward her. Some bore the scars of their own jounrneys. But each filled with joy and peace.
   Through your grief and pain, your desire for love still burned. That love spread through one person, who then found love and spread to another, and another. That love saved your angel, your husband and now your children. This world, this beauty around you, this is a reflection of the love within. Do not be afraid to share it, to give it nor to accept it. You have been wondering what your purpose is, isn't it obvious? You entire purpose is to love and that love will manifest in many different ways. You fought the shadows for love, you traveled between time and space for love, and you helped those in need because of love.
     You have grown hard. You've surrounded your heart in concrete once again. The wall you worked so hard to destroy you have slowly been building up once again. This isn't the life you had envisioned and the reason why is because your shadows keep blinding you from the love within. It's not light, for light only comes from one source, love. Without love, there would be no light. The stars were made to give you light within the darkness, but without love, noone would care if you could see or not. Love is the root of everything. Once you learn this lesson, then will your life began to change. Then your life will have purpose and meaning once again. It doesn't matter what you do, for whatever is done without love holds no meaning to anyone. See your world through the eyes of love, my dear Angel and you will find what you seek.
    

The Pools of Avalon

The Pools of Avalon

    I've never done things the traditional way. I have experienced things that would land most people in a mental hospital, and often keep my experiences to myself for the very reason that most people would not understand and think I was completely nuts.
     I have walked in between the veils since childhood. As a child is was just natural. It wasn't something I thought about or could even explain, it simply.. was. Now that I am older I have an ever greater understanding of this, but that knowledge has come at a great price, belief. Now that the logical mind is aware of the spiritual nature of things, it often creates chaos and disbelief. It causes doubt as I try to logically comprehend something that isn't meant to be understood. I have been trying to swim upstream instead of simply allowing the waters of life to flow naturally. When I wasn't aware, the energy just flowed. Now that I try to make things logical in my head, none of it makes sense, and then I no longer seek knowledge, I seek affirmation for the things I once knew to be true and now disbelief, or at least walk skeptically upon it.
     I found this picture that I have on my desktop background. I will try to post it at the end of this blog. But the rushing waters in this sacred place, I can't help but to feel the energy flowing through this place. Logically, I would be nuts to think that such a place would even exists, it's just a picture after all, the results of another person's creation. But I was so drawn to it. I could hear my Angels speak to me, telling me to close my eyes and to place myself as if I was standing in front of it. So I did. The water was so blue, so peaceful and so calm. I could feel the gentle breeze across my face and the air so pure. I envisioned my husband next to me. He wasn't in physical form, but in spirit, like a ball of light that moved into my arms. So I let go of all of the logical and followed the flow of Spirit. We step waist high into the water. We dipped into the water, intentionally realizing the things that burdened him. I didn't second guess, I didn't doubt, I just knew. I continued to dip him in 7 times. In my arms I raised him to the heavens and a beam of light came down and surrounded him. When we were done, we walked back up the stairs. Again he stood next to me, but this time in physical form. Again, we went into the water, repeating everything from before. This time the intention was set for more physical healing or at least a decrease in pain. When we were done, he stood up high next to me and he walked up the stairs once again. We walked through the veil and back to here.
     When I came back from my meditative state, he got out of bed and had no pain. His thoughts were cleared and his emotional state was so much better. He had hope again. I had no illusions that this would last forever, but it was meant to help him out while we are going through all of this, a temporary relief. After that, it's up to the Divine. So a few days ago, my oldest child was feeling low. I can always tell, the remarks, the looks and especially, "leave me alone" and isolation that usually lasts a couple of days. I often worry as she has a history of attempted suicides. So once again I opened the vel and entered into the healing pools. This time taking her with me. We went into the waters and I invisioned the waters cleansing her from the energy that brought her down. I asked that whatever she needed would be restored. We spent quite a bit of time there. When the light shone all around I knew her healing was complete. We ascended to stairs and again through the veil. The next morning, she was her again. She was happy and peaceful, she seemed to enjoy life again and that light still shone around her.
      I revisited this place again last night, this time bringing all of my family, including the pets. There has been a little tension between the animals lately as well as between my kids. Again, I opened the veil, and again we descended into the healing waters. The peace that overcomes in completely indescribable. Today, there was hardly any bickering between the kids, they have gotten along all day long. The animals, at least two of them , out kitten skittles and our dog buddy snuggled up together on the floor. My husband felt better physically and mentally. I did an extra hand's on healing and it instantly brought his pain down from a 9 to a 5.
     I call this place the pools of Avalon.The holy place of Divine light and essence. I'm beginning to understand the difference between the mind and the spirit and , how when used together as a whole, can create miracles. I have always seen this, but somehow I have lost my belief in it. I see it now though. I see it all so clearly. The way's of Spirit isn't the way's of man, or at least isn't the ways of logic, at least not for me. For some this may be so, but I am meant to learn and discover My path. It's kind of funny how many times I have come full circle just to find out that what I was seeking, i already knew,lol. What I am also beginning to realize is that each time I walk full circle and start out at the beginning all over again, I am stronger for I have learned. I've learned not just how, but now I know why and to me, knowing why is power. It gives me more strength because now I see the purpose in these things. I see the results of what I am called to do and that it is not in vain.
      It's funny because I always thought I was to much in the spirit and not grounded enough on the earth. I always knew somehow that I needed to find balance between the two. What i have found out is actually the opposite. I am to grounded to this earth and that which I can see that I have somehow left behind the spirit, therefore leaving faith behind. I now know why.  I only knew a darker spiritual realm. It wasn't by choice, it was part of my purpose. I understand why I had to go so deep and so dark, because in the depths of hell, lies the key to heaven, the pools of Avalon.