I was standing outside tonight enjoying the solitude of the dark moon. . yeah, i know it's in it's beginning stages of waxing, but it was dark when i stepped outside. Though I enjoyed the evening with the kids at the skate park, when we got home the blanket of depression began to cover me once again. I don't know how it has the power to rob me of my happiness, but without warning or even reason, it shows no mercy.
As I stood outside I began to wonder what it was that my heart must forever grieve. The darkness began to surround me once again, but oddly enough, I felt comfort from the dark, I always have. I never looked forword to daytime, it was the night that called to me. Gazing at the stars i began to realize how mysterious they are. And then i soon realized the source of my own sadness, mystery, the mystery and magic that lives within each and everyone of us.
As children the imagination is free to roam wherever the heart leads, all things are possibly and fairies dance amoung the glades. Children dance the spiral circle with all of creation, but as we began to grow older, somehow our magic is replaced by the illusion of adulthood. We soon realize that the world is no longer the mystical enchanted place we once played in, but a cruel land full of hardship and pain. We drown in the reality that the world bestows upon us and we begin to loose our sence of self, our own reality and soon the magic begins to die. Over time the raging fire of desire is snuffed out by impossibilities and death of the soul.
So why dous my heart grieve? because the mystery of life has vanished and the magic has run bare.
I began to think about when I broke down the wall . Among the vast amount of emotions that flooded out like a tsumami , to this day I am still cleaning up the wreckage. But it dawned on me that all those thing i held inside is what made my own mystery, the hidden things that worked behind the scenes that were secret and sacred. Amoung all of the wreckage, all those things i held secret were now exposed to the world, and i handed all of it over willingly. Was there nothing left? Standing into the darkness of the night,, i dove back into the depths of my soul. Among the dark, a little light shone brightly in the corner. As walked silently across the deserted ruins, i gathered up my little treasure and held it closely to my heart. Not all was lost, in fact the most cherished was spared...the beautiful gift of magick.
