So I've asked for help. On this post I will share my journey. I call this a writing meditation.
She whispers to me " Come, come and take my hand, travel with me through this sacred land
The land lied beyond the soul "
We cross through the vail and there is a large green valley before me surrounded by tall mountains. I often come here as it brings forth so much peace. The sun is rising from behind the top as shimmering lights surround me.
" A new dawn is upon us. Upon you, What will it bring? "
" I don't know" I say. " Likely the same thing that it always brings just another day."
"what would you like it to bring?"
" I'm not sure. To much thinking makes my brain hurt."
" That is because you are following the mind. Follow the soul." She say's to me.
" At this moment all I want to do is to keep walking towards that light. It calls to me. I do not know what it brings, I just know that it is meant for me. To heal me."
" Then that is what you must do."
" I'm afraid of it. I'm afraid that if I walk to that light, that I will not awaken. I'm afraid it will take my soul to the summerlands."
" That is a different type of light. However, the fear is the same. Are you afraid to heal? "
" I'm afraid of being afraid. I'm afraid of loosing myself. Yet there is a part of me that wants to be lost and to stay lost."
" Then you are not ready? "
" I just heard a sound right next to me. We're not alone. It does not feel of the light, but I can't see it"
" Is this what is stopping you?"
" It is what makes me afraid."
" Are you afraid of your gift?"
" yes".
" what are you afraid of?"
" I'm afraid of it consuming me. I'm afraid of not being able to control it. If I loose myself in it, what is I stay lost?"
" Isn't that what you wanted, to stay lost?"
" Only part of me. "
" And why do you desire this?"
" because the beauty is that solitude is peaceful. but the nightmares are worse."
" There is both?"
" yes, I see both, I live both. If my dreams become reality, so do my nightmares. I am not given one side but must experience both."
" So what do you think you will experience with the light?"
" peace that comes through death"
" So you are afraid of death?"
" Are you ready to live?"
" yes, but I am not ready to die. And one always comes with the other. It's not always a physical death, it could also be a spiritual death."
" But aren't you there now? Isn't that why you are here?"
" Yes. "
" So now that you have already experienced spiritual death wouldn't this light bring spiritual life? "
" yes, that would make sense."
The dawn has arrived as the light envelopes me. Washes me clean. I am surrounded by Divine peace and love. I do not feel worthy. There is still a part of me that is afraid. She tells me to let go, to let go of the fear. I rise above the ground, I am being carried. There is such a freedom up here. At this moment I an not afraid of falling. I should be but I am not. There is trust. I begin to grow wings and she sets me free. This freedom is so empowering. I feel like I can do anything.
" when you rise above the things that chain you, all you will feel is freedom. Do you know why you feel so free?"
"because my trust in my Divine was stronger then my fears. I trusted and was lifted up and carried until I could fly again on my own."
"Now when you return will you be able to take that with you?"
" I need to. I will. I don't really want go back just yet. When I do I feel so alone."
" You are never alone. Come, take my hand as we travel to healing waters. Step under the waterfall and allow the blessed water to wash you clean."
I can feel the water run down over me. It is cool.
"let go" she tells me. And so I do. I can feel everything fall away. It's cleansing. I needed this. When it is finished, I stand back in the light and allow it to fill my soul. In this moment, in this sacred place anything is possible. I can feel it. I am empowered, I am powerful, I am clean and pure, I am strong. In this place I believe because I can feel the endless possibilities.
" This place isn't very far. You carry it with you everywhere you go. All you have to do is keep the door open. Allow if to flow from behind the door. It's is mystical and it will always be mystical. Allowing it to flow into the physical world does not take the mystery away, it makes it more mystical, it makes it magickal. You are a Mystic, this will never change. Embrace this power from within for it is your power. It is both given and created. You are one. There is no separation. You are in the Divine and the Divine is within you always. It is the nature of all things. Hidden yet open. Hidden for only you can see it. Open for it envelopes every aspect of your life if you allow it to. Are you ready to return? "
" Yes, for now I know where to find it. Everywhere."
" Take this blessing with you." She blows shimmering powder on me. It is filled with love, peace and so many other things. Imagination, passion, healing, life.
Thank you for your help. Thank you for your hope. Thank you for everything. I didn't get your name, I say to her. She smiles and disappears. No name is uttered. Truly my Guardian Angel.
She whispers to me " Come, come and take my hand, travel with me through this sacred land
The land lied beyond the soul "
We cross through the vail and there is a large green valley before me surrounded by tall mountains. I often come here as it brings forth so much peace. The sun is rising from behind the top as shimmering lights surround me.
" A new dawn is upon us. Upon you, What will it bring? "
" I don't know" I say. " Likely the same thing that it always brings just another day."
"what would you like it to bring?"
" I'm not sure. To much thinking makes my brain hurt."
" That is because you are following the mind. Follow the soul." She say's to me.
" At this moment all I want to do is to keep walking towards that light. It calls to me. I do not know what it brings, I just know that it is meant for me. To heal me."
" Then that is what you must do."
" I'm afraid of it. I'm afraid that if I walk to that light, that I will not awaken. I'm afraid it will take my soul to the summerlands."
" That is a different type of light. However, the fear is the same. Are you afraid to heal? "
" I'm afraid of being afraid. I'm afraid of loosing myself. Yet there is a part of me that wants to be lost and to stay lost."
" Then you are not ready? "
" I just heard a sound right next to me. We're not alone. It does not feel of the light, but I can't see it"
" Is this what is stopping you?"
" It is what makes me afraid."
" Are you afraid of your gift?"
" yes".
" what are you afraid of?"
" I'm afraid of it consuming me. I'm afraid of not being able to control it. If I loose myself in it, what is I stay lost?"
" Isn't that what you wanted, to stay lost?"
" Only part of me. "
" And why do you desire this?"
" because the beauty is that solitude is peaceful. but the nightmares are worse."
" There is both?"
" yes, I see both, I live both. If my dreams become reality, so do my nightmares. I am not given one side but must experience both."
" So what do you think you will experience with the light?"
" peace that comes through death"
" So you are afraid of death?"
" Are you ready to live?"
" yes, but I am not ready to die. And one always comes with the other. It's not always a physical death, it could also be a spiritual death."
" But aren't you there now? Isn't that why you are here?"
" Yes. "
" So now that you have already experienced spiritual death wouldn't this light bring spiritual life? "
" yes, that would make sense."
The dawn has arrived as the light envelopes me. Washes me clean. I am surrounded by Divine peace and love. I do not feel worthy. There is still a part of me that is afraid. She tells me to let go, to let go of the fear. I rise above the ground, I am being carried. There is such a freedom up here. At this moment I an not afraid of falling. I should be but I am not. There is trust. I begin to grow wings and she sets me free. This freedom is so empowering. I feel like I can do anything.
" when you rise above the things that chain you, all you will feel is freedom. Do you know why you feel so free?"
"because my trust in my Divine was stronger then my fears. I trusted and was lifted up and carried until I could fly again on my own."
"Now when you return will you be able to take that with you?"
" I need to. I will. I don't really want go back just yet. When I do I feel so alone."
" You are never alone. Come, take my hand as we travel to healing waters. Step under the waterfall and allow the blessed water to wash you clean."
I can feel the water run down over me. It is cool.
"let go" she tells me. And so I do. I can feel everything fall away. It's cleansing. I needed this. When it is finished, I stand back in the light and allow it to fill my soul. In this moment, in this sacred place anything is possible. I can feel it. I am empowered, I am powerful, I am clean and pure, I am strong. In this place I believe because I can feel the endless possibilities.
" This place isn't very far. You carry it with you everywhere you go. All you have to do is keep the door open. Allow if to flow from behind the door. It's is mystical and it will always be mystical. Allowing it to flow into the physical world does not take the mystery away, it makes it more mystical, it makes it magickal. You are a Mystic, this will never change. Embrace this power from within for it is your power. It is both given and created. You are one. There is no separation. You are in the Divine and the Divine is within you always. It is the nature of all things. Hidden yet open. Hidden for only you can see it. Open for it envelopes every aspect of your life if you allow it to. Are you ready to return? "
" Yes, for now I know where to find it. Everywhere."
" Take this blessing with you." She blows shimmering powder on me. It is filled with love, peace and so many other things. Imagination, passion, healing, life.
Thank you for your help. Thank you for your hope. Thank you for everything. I didn't get your name, I say to her. She smiles and disappears. No name is uttered. Truly my Guardian Angel.
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