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Thursday, September 15, 2011

Another Step Out Of The Rabbit Hole

I have realized that some of most deepest and profound moments come in our darkest hour. This dark moment began last night. At the time I didn't know the origin. I should have been in 7th heaven but after a moment of peace and joy, everything began to fall apart once again. I started feeling off. Soon after I became overwhelmed, and then depressed. The depression stayed with me thoughout the day and I couldn't understand why.
  My goal was to open my circle this night and bawl my eyes out. So much sadness and pain within needing to be released. So I opened my circle. I tried connecting with the Divine. It took some time but I finally was able to open my spirit enough to let some of the light in. The Divine must have known my struggles for I was asked to face the candle of the east after connecting to the candle before me. I turned to the right and associated that candle with the earth and all of it's inhabitants. I was asked to connect to all of the energies of the earth, to include the elements, the plants and creatures and human. This came quite easily and flowed so easily. I stayed there for several minutes connecting the energy of the divine, my spirit or higher self and the energies of the earth.
   When I was finished there was a gold cord that connected from the divine to the earth. All the energies became one. I was asked to move to the candle of the self. This candle represented myself. The human, the soul, the physical body and all that is within me. I sat there quietly for some time, afraid to connect. There was a part of me that was reluntant to do so, but finally it was like my spirit took over me and as I connected and healed the energy of the earth, I connected and began to heal myself. I looked up and saw myself in spirit. So beautiful, filled with love and compassion, beauty, stregnth and power. We begin to merge as one. I realized then that the block was not the energy without, but within. The need I sought was healing within. I didn't realize how much healing I needed. So my spirit began to heal my soul. The energy connected and I began to feel whole and complete. My biggest area of healing is fear. I will be needing to spend more time healing myself. The Divine then asked me if I noticed which order I placed the candles. Their candle first, then the candle of the earth, and then the candle of me, which I was reluctant to even face. I have spent so much time and energy healing so many people, that I often seek a quick fix for myself. Yet I have never took the time to heal myself. So I was asked to switch the candles. It was time to place myself next for if I am whole and complete, if I am healed, then I will have the strength the heal the earth, the people that I am called to heal and the world around me.
   The cord then began to connect to the last candle, the candle of the west. The last candle forms a perfect circle. The circle represents a full circle and connection. I was shown the energy of that connection of all things. The energy began to mesh as one and I finally began to understand how it is supposed to be. The cord circled around the last candle and merged with the first candle, creating a perfect circle.
    It's difficult to understand the depth of this knowledge, but for someone like me, I have to feel it, experience it. I look forward to this path of healing. I will be doing this ritual for the next few nights with the hopes that the healing with continue to help me see my true self.

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