A Soul's Journey

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Today's been a yucky rainy day which always seems to get me down but always brings an opportunity for some introversion (hmmm, is that even a word?,lol). Usually when I get things down on paper it seems to give me more clarity. Today is one of those days when I think I could use all the clarity I could get.
  I spend alot of time analyzing my life. As each day goes by, I get older and I feel that if I spend to much time thinking I will run out of time to actually do the things I want to do. But my biggest problem is really deciding what it is that I want to do with my life. I see where this road has brought me and it has been a very long journey. I look at my life on where it is and where I invisioned I would be at this point in life, and it dousn't quite measure up. I think I followed in my dad's footsteps. My dad spent his entire life working towards one thing after another and putting so much energy into things just to watch it fall apart right in front of him. Sometimes, I think that the dreams only live within our imaginations and are not meant to be accomplished.
     My heart bleeds for my dad because I know the sting of failure. I know that his dreams are now dependent on me accomplishing what he could not, but I don't know if I can, for I have spent a lifetime with the same problem...failure and self-sabotage. The demons that seem to pass down from each generation have finally caught up to me and I see it seeping down into my children. The most dangerous kind , the kind that eats at the soul until there is nothing left but a shell.
  I've spent an entire lifetime running, running from what I really didn't know at the time. I know realize that I run from everything I fear.Ironically, people would tell me that I was the strongest person they knew, little did they know that I am afraid of everything. My strength didn't come from my ability to defeat the unknown but rather to hide behind the fortress of steel that I have been building since childhood.
   Five years back, I decided that it was time to tear the wall down and the floodgates , years  of repressed emotions, finally overcame and I have been drowning ever since. Instead of trampeling over everything life throws at me, I now cower in the corner like a small child waiting for the storm to pass.The wall is completely down and I have nowhere left to run and hide. I feel lost and I am faced with the truth  of that which is inside. How do you conquer something you can't see? How do you defeat yourself?
     Not all of it has been a curse, however. I understand who I am now. I understand my gifts are the greater purpose behind my exsistance. I'm beginning to understand that I may not be the person I always envisioned but I am the person I was created to be and all of the gifts I possess are simply manifestation of who I am deep inside. This is what we all manifest. It's not how much money we have or if we become employee of the month, president of the whatever, none of this matter's. We're no here on a life journey, but rather a soul journey. It seems like a very simple revelation, but when you truly find the strength to travel to the depths of the soul, it will seem like the coldest place in your entire being, the darkest space filled with pain and suffering but this is the core essence of who we are, and this is where our beauty truly shines and where our purpose lyes for everyone.And this is the only thing that matter's.

Posted by Mystic Angel

First Post

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

First Blog

WHOOHOO! This is my FIRST blog on Blogger and am so excited to be here. I actually signed up for the account a little while back but couldn't figure out how to change the template and I hated this one, so I ditched the blog and moved on to bigger and better things like YOUTUBE.
 See, not only am I a Psychic but I am also a DREAMER and have spent a lifetime chasing those dreams. I realized when I was younger that in order to make those dreams come true I'm going to have to work hard at it. The problem is is that working hard doesn't always pan out the way we would like, but that's ok because one great man invented the internet and no matter how lame my videos are or how stupid my blogs can get , I will always be a world famous psychic and dreamer..OK maybe not famous, but definitely worldwide.
    Oh yeah, back to YOUTUBE. So I started off as a talk show for Mystic Realm on Blog Talk Radio, but alot of things happened and I had to stop it for awhile. I recently decided to go back into and I get a message a day later telling me I have to pay if I still want my hour show. If not, then I get a 30 minute show at like midnight!! C'mon, who's going to want a FREE PSYCHIC READING at midnight!! So anyway's, i revamped my web-site and decided to go to Livestream. I wanted to start a show on Missing Children. As a psychic for the group FIND ME, this has inspired me to get more involved. So I spent 3 hours trying to make the show, but every 2 or so minutes the software would go kupooi on me and I was left with several 2-5 minute features on these children. So I chucked the whole idea out the window thinking that the universe had other plans, so I went to YOUTUBE and started my show there. The only thing is, is that instead of doing a show on missing children, I never really settled on a show , so my show, which should be labeled, the "Psychotic Ramblings of a Psychic" is now a bunch of random stuff.
    Looking back, my whole life is about random stuff, there is nothing consistent about me to include my eye color, hair color, skin color, ( you can't see it in the pic, but I have alot of red in my pale skin) and even my spitituality is all over the place. So I figured my blog should be under the same uniformed format.
     I can't promise what will be on here from day to day, sometimes I'm in "psychic mode" other times I'm in "haunted mode"  and other times the light begins to shine and I am in 'enlightened mode". But whatever mode I am in for the day, I can promise that nothing on this blog will ever be consistent.  But maybe I will add an Angel Message to each blog, so even when I'm in a "rambling about nothing mood" there can still be something to it.
   " Ok, ladies and Gent's , today's message is : Spend some time with a good laugh today. Laughter lightens the heart and lifts the mood.
   One suggestion would be to look up " face exercises on YOUTUBE. Seriously, you'll be laughing all day and may even get your boss to laugh a little , which is ALWAYS a good thing.

Blessed Be,
Mystic Angel

My Take On the Ascention

My views of the ascension or rapture or whatever you choose to call it, for me has changed. Most people believe that we will eventually hit a state of perfection in which time we will stay in heaven or "Utopia" for ever. For me, it seems to be a continious cycle of being born, living, dying and then choosing. this is where it get's complicated. Since i was raised christian, i still hold some of the christian beliefs, but in different way's. I think when we die we choose to cross over or stay "earth-bound" , meaning we are not ready to restart "the cycle". When we stay earthbound, we are seperated from the light because we have choosen not to go where we are supposed to and this has alot to do with attachments, lack of closure, or whatever, it vary's depending on that person's choice. If this person chooses to stay, they are no longer protected under the higher realm and will remain in this state until they are ready to cross over. when they finally do cross over, i think they have more choices. Like they stay in the light or heaven, whatever maybe even a state of limbo for awhile until they choose to come back. some will come back immedietly, some will wait for soul families and other's will come back as guides to pass on the knowledge thet they have learned thus far, ect. Then the cycle repeats it'sself, but no cycle or situation is ever the same because things are always changing even the evolution of the soul. We were born with the need to constantly change and to learn and to grow and i don't think this will ever end, whether it be here on earth or utopia. I don't think there is such as thing as perfection because we will always have our human nature and will never gain the same status as our creator. Who's to say the "All" isn't growing and learning as well, experiencing new things, ect. and maybe the meaning for perfection is simply getting to a state of love , cmpassion, forgiveness and balance, being able to tame the darkness and shedding the desire for earthly things? I know it sounds crazy, but i gusees for me, the thought of perfection or everyone living in heaven or utopia as perfect beings only signifies and end, because once that is complete, then what, we sit up there being happy and perfect? we stop learning. When we get to the point of where we stop evolving and we go as far as we can, then our mission is complete and this marks the end, but since the soul never dies, it must change, where, into the "collective? We are to individual for that, we are goverened by free will, we're not Borg's from Star Trak, we're individuals. many will disagree, and that's ok, because nobody knows for certain anyway's. Some say we will know when we get there, but this cycle has been repeated so many times and we still don't know. Maybe there is no end, maybe when we are finally done, it's because we choose not to learn anymore. who know's, if there is no time in the afterlife or up above, who's to say we don't continuiously ascend and decend? Maybe we are given this pass to ascend above because we have choosen the path of the light and we learn from above and below. I do believe in a supreme being, i always will, but i'm now discovering the depth of free will and how it dousn't get taken away when we loose our earthly bodies. My point is is that i don't believe the cycle of learning , discovering and growing ever stops. And time dousn't exsist in this state of heaven, then it's easy to see the past, present and future as a contunious thing, and forever is infinatly, because those wrods describe time and there is no time. I think our ability to descend has very little to do with judgement and more of a choice, because if God, or the higher being knows love, is love and light , then he will have full understanding of our human nature and i think he allows us to choose the love and light or the darkness and when we are ready then we can go "to the light". if this makes any sense. Everything is engineered and already programmed within our souls, and our souls know the duality, it's part of our make-up, we have an intimate understanding of each side, but much of it is hidden and lost within our conscious minds when we are born. But the bottomline is "we choose", i know some believe in Christ as God's son and some believe he was a great prophet, whatever your personal belief is, he states that the kingdom of heaven in not above, but within, and if you look at the teachings of many other prophets and guru's, spiritually "enlightened" they will tell you the same thing, so heaven and hell may not be a physical place but more of a place of being. I still believe there are different spiritual dimentions because we can barely co-exsist on earth,lol, but i think we walk in between the veils, hell even now some of do it, which means we are are capable of it, so who's to say we won't be able to cross those veils when our bodies no longer exsist? again, this is where the "passes" are given, like your heart or soul has to be in a certain place before veil or door can be opened. it's complicated but instead of looking at it like school and each dimension is higher and higher to utopia, i look at it as a cooridor with a million doors and when we learn certain things we are handed the key to that door and are allowed access to it. other's are off limits until we find the other key's because we may not be ready to enter it. and i've rambeled on forever, however, i don't claim this to be " truth" but it's my truth and your job is to find your own spiritual truth , this is simply an opinion. I wish you the best of luck on your journey to enlightenment where ever that journey takes you

RE: Context of a Spiritual Message

Here is a responce that I gave on one of my forums in regards to the context of a spiritual message.

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I'm a little confused by the question myself.. sorry hun, but if your looking in regards to readings and if there is a specific format to how spirit communicates. If this is the case, Spirit will communicate differently in each reading and no two readings will be alike unless you tell spirit you need a specific format in order to understand it, and even then it may veer from that,lol. Here's what I do, I will usually connect to spirit and simply receive whatever information I get. If i get something that feel's important, then i will focus my attention on that one area to get more information. Sometimes it's quite clear and sometimes it's not, but you will go as far as you feel comfortable going. Let me see if I can explain this. Human emotions are like an onion and there are layers of it. When a reader dous a reading, they often pick up the energy on the outer layer of emotion. This is usually the easiest layer to get to because it is already exposed, and though it may expose some tramtic things or even great things about the person's life, it's usually a more generalization.This is where the alot of reader's get stuck. They often pick up this information and get caught up on the amazement of the person being reading that the focus of the reading is often lost. Sure the client is in awe and may even be happy to have someone "know" these things, but what they usually come for is some guidance and help which is often "forgotten". Spirit dousn't usually work on the first layer other then to help you sift through what area needs the most focus. For a professional this can be difficult because the client may have a simple question and you may pick up on other things. I'll come back to this. But anyway's, spirit usually guides you to where the person truly needs the message or guidance, which is usually at the core of the soul. After revealing the first layer, they are more likely to open up and allow you to get to the deeper layers. This is usually targeted in the area's that will matter most to the soul, such as love, feelings of inadequacy, and deeper-rooted experiences and emotions that may be the block for all areas of their life. How far you go will mostly depend on how far spirit wants you to go, or how far you want to go. Alot of reader's may not want to go that deep, but in order to truly help them and deliver the messages from spirit that they need, this is necessary. Sometimes you will find some resistance from the client, but usually once you hit this point, they want you to keep going, because their is usually a desire to heal. At this point, the emotions may come rushing out and they will spill everything. The whole point of the reading and the help they get may simply be halping them to unlock this part of themselves and listening to them while helping them through it. Usually, they will get a a certain point and stop, spirit will usually intervene at this part to give them their message which is often very simple, basic, loving and encouraging. These are the readings that matter and these are the readings that change people's lives. This works well with cold or general readings. For people who have a specific question, it's a bit easier to sift through these layer's, unless spirit has another agenda. you pretty much set the tone for every reading. If you are in a hurry , your mind isn't focused on helping, it's focused on a time limit which will effect your reading. If your sole purpose is to help , it will be easy to go through the layers and it will be like reading an open book. You won't please everyone, but that's ok, they may simply not be willing to deal with these things right now. Most people will go see a professional psychic because they want validation for their feelings. If they have their hopes on building a successful buisness and you see it crash and burn, they may not be willing to hear this or tell you you suck because they don't want to believe that they might fail. Again, this is really touchy about relationships. This is where your sensitivity and support can really help them for when they do come back validate your reading. anyway's i'm rambeling now,lol. but when giving messages from spirit, you have to willing to be flexable, to go into deeper territory of the soul and have the sole desire and focus of delivering that message in order for the reading to unfold the way it was intended. This may require you, often require you to travel past your own comfort level and discover the darker area's of your own soul . You will hit area's that are uncomfortable, see things that may make the average person's skin crawl, but this is the soul. By opening up your own soul to spirit, this will allow you to reach the souls of other's, and this is the core of having this ability and where real healing comes from. I hope this helps, but if i didn't answer your question, please feel free to ask
Blessed Be,
Angel

I Don't Get It

It usually happens like this, in fact it never fails. People say that when you think negative about a certain thing, that either it will happen that way and it's no suprise because you already knew it would happen or you become pleasantly surprised. I've given up on thinking positive because every time I do shit just falls apart. I don't understand why life has to be so difficult. I've worked to so hard to keep the armour off, but it makes it nearly impossible for me to function emotionally. The walls kept me safe, now I have no refuge from the pain. I don't understand why things have to always get this way. I guesse I should get into what I'm rambeling about.
 My husband and I had a talk on Thursday Night. He continue a conversation we had two nights before his surgery about how close we are and how we continue to get closer. He's never opened his heart this much  and how he wants to open it more, to be even closer and stronger as a couple. He usually has a hard time expressing his feelings and this has been a sore spot in our relationship for the last 6 years, so when he told me that, I was very greatful and excited to see where our relationship would evolve to next.
Saturday comes and his mom and dad come over to celebrate his mother's birthday. He ignores me, which is weird because usually he will include me in the conversation, but he didn't even talk to me, it was like I was invisible. I talked him later about it and he said he didn't notice. Ok, whatever, so I got over it.
Sunday is Mother's Day. He get's up and hand's me a vase with two roses in it and a card the kids drew me the night before and say's "these are from the kids". The kids are still in bed. I told him thank you and asked him when he got them. He said he got it the day before, but their not from him, their from the kids. Yeah, I got it. So my daughter get's up around noon and crawls up on the bed and watched tv. About an hour later she asks if we were going out to eat. My husband say's that there was no reason to go out and we were eating at home. Nice, huh? So my daughter say's that it's Mother's Day. oh, yeah, i guesse that could be a reason. A little later my daughter get's mad at me for something and my husband say's "don't argue with your mother, it's Mother's Day." But it was the tone he used, like he was enforcing something he really didn't want to do. They day goes on and my youngest wakes up and dous his morning rituals. We finally leave for the day to go shopping. My husband reminds my son to wish me a Happy Mother's Day, and my son starts crying because he forgot. Again, the tone in his voice seemed almost resentful . My husband starts having some pain so we take him home. I go out and get a movie at blockbuster and some McDonalds for everyone. I bring the food home and make him his plate, serve him in bed because I know he's in pain and he starts yelling at me because he wanted hot mustard not honey mustard. REALLY???  All day I felt unvalidated as a mother, a wife or even a human being. It's been awhile since I have felt that low. I know that there are things going on and all I wanted was a heartfelt hug and kiss from my kids, but I guesse that was to much to ask from anyone. I never even got a :Happy Mother's Day from any of my kids, it was like noone cared and so I stopped caring to. So much so I vowed never to celebrate this stupid ass holiday again. And the most I got from my husband was , "It didn't feel like Mother's Day" , it's like saying " I know it's your birthday but it dousn't feel like your birthday so we're not going to celebrate it this year. You know, I know is probebly sounds like I'm whining and crying over nothing, but I guesse the hurt came because there was no heart behind anything done yesterday. So I went to bed waiting for the day to be over.
Today seemed to start off ok, in fact everything seemed to go back to normal until bedtime. I put the kids to bed and I was using my husband's laptop while mine was charging. I have a faulty cord and can't be moved around. Anyway's, his was plugged in but apparently the plug didn't work and his battery began to die. He had already turned out all of the lights so I went fishing for the cord but thought it was plugged in the outlet, i didn't know he put it on an extension cord. So I'm fumbling around trying to find the right cord and he's getting pissed off at me because I couldn't find it. The problem was that I couldn't see anything. But it's not that he got frustrated, but he said some pretty hurtful things that made me feel stupid and again, unvalidated.
What happend to all shit he was spuwing last week? I know he is on pain medications and I am sure this has alot to do with it, but it still hurts because I have never known him to be so callous or to yell at me and say such harsh things. I'm so hurt and I can feel the walls going back up. This isn't going to draw us closer if I do this, but I never thought that I would have to. I'm starting to become numb inside because it hurts so bad.
But the point to this whole long drawn out post is to simply realize that this is nothing new, this is the pattern of my life. Once I make a decision to  open my heart , whether it be goals, dreams or to a person , soon after all hell breaks loose. It's like some strange force say's "ok, now I know what you want and I'm going to sabotage everything for you". I can't seem to get a break, it's a vicious cycle that never ends. It just keeps pushing and pushing and keep pushing back, but I am beginning to seriously doubt everything I have known. Pushing dousn't seem to help any, but if I allow the water's to flow, I will drown in despair.
IDK, I DON'T KNOW WHY THINGS ALWAYS CHANGE AND HEAVEN SEEMS TO TURN TO HELL OVERNIGHT. Maybe it's just me, maybe I'm cursed, maybe I  just need to see if my husband is asleep yet so I can go to bed myself.

Exposed

I was standing outside tonight enjoying the solitude of the dark moon. . yeah, i know it's in it's beginning stages of waxing, but it was dark when i stepped outside. Though I enjoyed the evening with the kids at the skate park, when we got home the blanket of depression began to cover me once again. I don't know how it has the power to rob me of my happiness, but without warning or even reason, it shows no mercy.
 As I stood outside I began to wonder what it was that my heart must forever grieve. The darkness began to surround me once again, but oddly enough, I felt comfort from the dark, I always have. I never looked forword to daytime, it was the night that called to me. Gazing at the stars i began to realize how mysterious they are. And then i soon realized the source of my own sadness, mystery, the mystery and magic that lives within each and everyone of us.
As children the imagination is free to roam wherever the heart leads, all things are possibly and fairies dance amoung the glades. Children dance the spiral circle with all of creation, but as we began to grow older, somehow our magic is replaced by the illusion of adulthood. We soon realize that the world is no longer the mystical enchanted place we once played in, but a cruel land full of hardship and pain. We drown in the reality that the world bestows upon us and we begin to loose our sence of self, our own reality and soon the magic begins to die. Over time the raging fire of desire is snuffed out by impossibilities and death of the soul.
So why dous my heart grieve? because the mystery of life has vanished and the magic has run bare.

I began to think about when I broke down the wall . Among the vast amount of emotions that flooded out like a tsumami , to this day I am still cleaning up the wreckage. But it dawned on me that all those thing i held inside is what made my own mystery, the hidden things that worked behind the scenes that were secret and sacred. Amoung all of the wreckage, all those things i held secret were now exposed to the world, and i handed  all of it over  willingly. Was there nothing left? Standing into the darkness of the night,, i dove back into the depths of my soul. Among the dark, a little light shone brightly in the corner. As walked silently across the deserted ruins, i gathered up my little treasure and held it closely to my heart. Not all was lost, in fact the most cherished was spared...the beautiful gift of magick.

To Be Free

I have come to the conclusion that I spend more time learning and researching every topic that comes to mind, but yet I practice none of it. I have a vision of who I want to be yet when it comes to actually placing physical energy into it, for some reason all I want to do is lay down and cry. The overwhelming feeling of failure and self defeat seems to have become an unwelcome pattern in my life. I want to do so much, yet i feel myself pulling away when I begin to start the first steps.
      While i was sitting outside today, I began to question the things that I want to achieve and what it is exactly that it holding me down. What is this blanket that covers me everytime i began to take a step forward. What is this sinking feeling in my soul that everything is impossible. I came to the conclusion that I feel trapped. I feel like my soul wants to be free, yet it can't be. someone is always around. Don't get me wrong, but it's almost like I have no time to just think, meditate, to manifest the hifdden things within, because it's like always someone is always there watching, questioning me or making me feel like the freak I already know I am. Then I get angry because I have also come to realize that everyone is a freak one way or another , so why can't I be allowed to be a freak without question?  I can't relax, i can't be myself, i just want to be able to be free.