The Bigger Picture

As I continue down the path of self-discovery, I'm becoming more aware that the harder I search for answers in life, the less I find. If there is one thing I have learned is that I am a walking contridiction, I always have been. My heart seems to be on it's own frequency, as my mind and my soul, and when I say it's own frequency, i mean literally, each aspect having it's own agenda. Whichever screams the loudest is where I usually focus my attention on. The inner conflict feels to be never-ending. It's funny because I see so many people preaching about inner peace, balance and something about the cosmo's, yet when I read the books and do the meditations, though some questions are answered, it still dousn't leave me any closer to what my life purpose is. I've come to the conclusion a long time again that maybe our life pupose isn't something destined from someone greater than ourselves, well maybe partly, but we are never handed an instruction book telling us, "you are destined to be the worst first rodeo clown priest, you will not only make people laugh but you will also offer up confession before they ride the bull just in case you can't get the bull away from the rider". Life dousn't work like that. I am beginning to understand that we are with some natural born talents and gifts, along with a whole array of interests and passions, which serves as our guidebook for we also have a natural desire to follow the things that fulfill us.
We are driven down our destined path through our own needs, wants and desires. Sometimes it's more of an instant gratification and other times, it's things that are deeply seeded in our souls, which usually the instant gratification is merely a symptom of this. For me my soul always seems to cry out in pain for reasons that never seem to really make sence to me. Often i feel like I'm walking in circles and accomplishing nothing, yet when i look back, I realize that no matter how many times I walk the circle, the circle is never the same. The people are different. Some are still there when I come back around and other's have moved on to their own circles. The siuations always change, yet i always seem to grieve the loss, yet, I feel driven to continue waking and exploring new things.
The chapters in my life are many, and though some of those chapters make me physically sick, there is always something worth holding on to or to at least look back and see the worth in it all. The worst relationships I have ever been in produced the greatest gifts I will ever have, my children. I was also blessed with 2 father's who can't seem to get past themselves enough to even care for these children, and when I actually look at the situation, again I was provided with people that would allow me to move forward and not get stuck having to handle an undesirable situation. Though there is a huge part of me that focuses on merely the injustice of it all, deep down inside, i know their irrisponsibility is my gain. It's unleashed a stregnth in myself  that I never knew exsisted and has given me the freedom to make the choices I feel are best for them. It has allowed me to teach my children who to keep in their lives and who is poison and needs to be gone. I'm beginning to see a greater picture in the whole incident and that maybe their irresponsibility may have caused some harm but in turn has allowed me full reign to protect them from those people. Again, the contridiction.
Maybe I have underestimated my ability to see all sides of things which has given me a deeper understanding of compassion towards those I may not have otherwise spent my time with.
If there is one thing I hope to accomplish while I am on this planet, is to help make a change. The reason why I began this path to begin with  is because I wanted to be one of the one's who have come here to help heal the people on this earth, not hurt or hinder.   It's taken many years of heartache and pain to help me realize what my soul already knew. I am here for a greater purpose, we all are and that purpose usually runs alot deeper than a million dollar home in Pacific Grove . That purpose runs deeper than anyone can imagine and it's stored within the depths of our soul.Profound yet so simple, but once we discover our true purpose, it is lifechanging. So how do we discover it? Through alot of soul searching, our willingness to dive deep into the shadows of the soul and ability to let go and see the truth as it was meant to be seen. This often requires setting our fears and ego's aside and being able to discover the blessings within the storm. By accepting the possibility that if things would have turned out the way you  imagined, you may have missed everything. We can't look at our purpose from the outside, because it's not there, it's within us. We are given a million paths to choose from, and the greater picture is merely the knoweldge of knowing that no matter which path you choose, it is your purpose and all the path's will eventually lead you to the same place.

Temple of the Soul - Part 1

A friend gave me a wish today, as many as I wanted. All the stars in the world to make my wish upon. I began to wish for many things, well, not really wishes , mostly asking questions about different things. My questions soon moved into more sacred areas of my heart and I began to wonder why I can't move on. I thought back to a conversation my husband and I had last weekend,mostlyabout basing my importance on inner things and not outer things, for it's the other things that do not matter. I often suffer from "failure syndrome". It began in my teens where I just figured I would do something with my life, and as the doors began to close on different careers, so did my self-worth. In the end, I just kind of assumed that my life really wasn't worth anything. If I died tomorrow, my husband would move on and find someone else, the kids would have someone else to take care of them, and eventually move on. If the show ended, there would be other show's, other angel reader's, ect. So the question is, how important is my life really? Long story short, he said that this was true, but someone else would not replace how he felt about me in his heart, no one else would be the kids' mother, ect. If I went to school and got some fancy job making the mega bucks, if I left , they would find someone else, probably within a few days. A job is a job, but my family, my show, the people I help, that means something. Everyone has their own unique gifts, no one person can replace that, do it the same. So I been thinking about that, how I place importance on other people's lives, but I place no importance on my own. So he told me that I needed to put some stock into me, stop looking at what I didn't accomplish, and see what I have. Today, I took a trip into the past. I entered the gates of one of the most sacred places in my heart.My curse, yet blessed place. I began to ponder why I always came back to this. why can't i move on. I began to contemplate about my research on the soul.All the many different aspects of it. I often envisioned a path with many forks, our choices. But yet, even though each path has it's hurdles, it all leads to the same place. Yet, I'm not really headed to one place. In fact I feel that I am constantly wandering around, searching for something, though not sure of what. I have had several theories, but yet, i still had a difficult time understanding it all. Then, must have been my angels,lol, out of the blue, I thought of Indiana Jones and the temple of doom. It all made sense. Hang on, I'll get to the point :) I have a passion for not pain, but for intense emotions, because intense emotions are always filled with passion. So I have a passion for passion. Now throw in the temple of doom and the constant state of mystery and what do you have? The soul. Our soul is like the temple of doom. The temple is full of mystery and surprise around every corner and behind every door. Thousands of little crevasses that lead us to new worlds or dead ends.Booby trapped rooms guarding the treasure rooms. As we begin to travel into the temple there are so many ways we can travel. Take your pick of rooms and tunnels. Through our thoughts, emotions and spirit we begin to create more rooms. We are constantly searching through these different rooms. Each aspect, (the heart, spirit, mind and body) has been creating these rooms since we first began to exists and continues to be built through our experiences. This is why some rooms are beautiful and maintained and other's are dark and cold. Because we are energy beings, meaning that every single thought, every single emotions, every action energy is sent out and over time begins to grow. So when every time we go into a room, we leave and energy imprint, per sey in that room. We plant seeds. Each room also has a treasure in it. Some rooms are filled with booby traps, so we must either find the treasure and move on, or we leave the room with a constant desire to keep going back and try to look for it again. We are never satisfied until we find it. Some rooms lead us to other places, and so we feel the need to stay and build upon it. Some people will spend most of the lives in that room, building, sowing seeds and reaping the treasures of that room. Most of us keep wandering, searching room to room and when we find what we seek or simply move on, we are never completely satisfied and have to keep searching for more. Ok, now that we know these rooms are constantly being built and changing, and some are like the broom closet lying dormant for a time, let's go back to the energy beings part. Every time we step into a room, it will change because when we contemplate, or heal, or build upon, our thought and emotions have also changed, therefore we send that energy into that room. These seeds or energy we fill in that room will eventually sprout and grow. These seeds are the seeds of the future, When we spend a little time sowing these seeds, they will have a better chance of thriving and will begin to manifest in the future. We can also do this in our past, by going back to the rooms that hold our past. When we begin to work through the issues, spend alittlevesa, which also has an impact on our souls. When we clean out the closet of skeletons, we bring life back into that room. We discharge all of the booby traps to find the hidden treasure within. And the process continues over and over again. This is at least my understanding on how time duos not really exists, except to our bodies. When people talk about co-creating and being able to create your own life and realities, i think this is what they are talking about. I hope this makes sense,lol. It's pretty complicated to put into words. This is how we heal from the past, this is how we manifest our future, bu the seeds we sow in our present, because our present will be past tomorrow as well as future. Anyways thought this was cool. Hoe you like it :)

Temple of the Soul- Part 2

I wanted to take this post a little further and try to clarify a little better, What's it about ? energy. How profound and how powerful human beings truely are. People often ponder the ability to time travel. We often say, If I could redo the past, I would have done that, ect. When Jesus said that all things are possible, it is true. We were made of Divine energy. That energy resides within us. Like haveing children, when we have children, we pass our genes down to them, our fingerprints, per sey, and they are made from us, so they have a part of us within them always, whether we or they like it or not. Our energy also leaves a finger print upon this earth, on other people and on life. This has been proven through paranormal investigators who have found certain hauntings where the energy plays over and over again even though the spirit itself is gone. So every thought, and emotions are like spreading these little particuls of energy around. When we are in our present, those thoughts and emotions will set the presedence for the future whether possitive or negative. When thoughts, emotions, spiritual energy and physical energy all work together, then more energy is used to create, whether positive or negative. When we take a look at our present, we are actually paveing the way of our future whether consciously or unconsciously. Most people already know this though. But if this is true, then we can actually go into our past and change our past in the future. People usually go into their past, these rooms with lots of skeltons and cob webs. Sometimes we clean them out and other times we leave it alone. But we often are forced to go back because of the energy that we carry with us even when we are not in the room. When we go into the rooms of our past, the energy we leave changes it, but we also recieve energy, so some of that energy comes back out with us. We are ususally unsatisfied with those rooms until it has been at least cleaned up a bit and some things are resolved. Now takeing this a step further, because most of our more painful past memories or happiest memories are shared with other people, then we are no longer alone in this room, in this memory. The people we shared that memory with also revist that room, so their energy will often linger in their to. Now we can't make people go in there to clean up their own mess, it just won't happen. But if we begin to clear out the cob-webs and plant the seeds of understanding, forgiveness, ect, then when they enter the room, that energy also goes with them when they leave the room. I'm actually talking on a more literal scale. Now most of these people are part of our "soul families" and they often travel with us from life to life. So with some of these joining rooms "memories" as we begin to work through our issues and instill healing and renewal in that room, we are literally changeing the past, which in turn, will also change our future because these people travel with us.We will join together in another time. Everytime they enter into their own memory that they share with you, your energy leaves more and more imprints on that memory. So in a few lifetimes, that memory no longer exsists because you have changed and renewed it.This energy , this new energy is now planted within the other person as well, for they take it with them, and the seeds are sown in their soul, which over time, manifests in their own thoughts, emotions , spiritual and physical realms. So it is possible for us to change our past. We may not see the immediate results, but by changeing the past, we are renewing our future in other lives. This kinda takes away the theory of karma, because we are not paying back what we owe, we are makeing a choice to "remodel" the room. So everytime that you go in the room or they go in the room, each of you takes a piece of that energy with you, and if it's done with love and healing, this is how we begin to heal the future with this person. This can't be done in one lifetime, for growth can be slow, but over time, it is possible for all people involved to heal and rebuild to something greater. In the spirit realm, time means nothing, for the past present and future are all intertwined, this is the best way I can come up with to understand the concept of time. However, just as energy healer's can send out energy to a specific person and create a physical healing over a period of time, the same can be done for ourselves and the people involved. By renewing that memory and comeing to a place of understanding, we not only create healing for us so we can move on, we are also createing healing for the other people everytime that walk back into that memory. Each time they sit around and think about it, the memory will be changed. Therefore creating healing of the past in the present time, and changing that past in the future. The bottom line is that we can literally go back in time and "undo" or change our past. It's a slower route, but those seeds are planted in the future with the people involved and allowing us to "do it all over again". And since everything will be different again, then when we do it all over again, the situation will also be different. You will have changed and so will that person. And this is why it is so important to walk in the light. When we walk in the light, whether we do it intentionally or unintentionally, we spead that light to everyone involved in our lives, not only for our present and future but for the past as well. We will never be able to walk the same path from the past, because that past is an imprint of energy and that renewed energy is also a part of our future and will dictate how our future will be set. The people involved are also a part of our future. Anyway's witht his understanding, at least for myself, and I swear I'm not crazy, answers an important question for me, why do i keep going back to this room? Why can't i get passed this person. It's because this past room, this person is my future and I have done very little or nothing to it. I left is mostly dormant and have done little or nothing to change it. And everytime he goes into that room, he to has done little or nothing to the room, so things remain the same. So when we join up again in the future, things will be the same. And since this romm is a part of the temple, a part of our soul, we carry it with us from life to life. Jesus said that the kingdom of Heaven is within. So it also makes me wonder if we are called to rebuild the temple to it's highest form, each room, each aspect. And if the kingdom of heaven is within, then the kingdom of heaven is us. We make the kingdom, and when each temple is fully built, then we can join with the castle, per sey, up in the cosmos or heaven or whatever. Then we can join with our creator. I know this sounds completely insane, but it makes so much sence to me now, and i now the the importance of needing to make those changes, the need to continue forward and how unique an important each person is, includeing myself. It's not just me, it will never be just me, but because I share so many of those rooms with so many other people, I have an obligation to them and myself to create and build that room to it's highest potential. If I am to heal other's, I heal them by healing that room, because their soul is connected to my own, literally. Just as I connect with a person while doing a reading. Many people will go but some will stay. But their energy will always stay, as mine will always stay with them, so do I plant roses or weeds? There is no guarentee how the weeds will grow, nor is there a guarentee that they will pull the weeds. and if this is the case, then I have to be more conscious to plant the roses to help them grow, as to not help plant weeds that may assist in destroying them There is alot more responsibilty in this understanding. Yet, because our spirit is the energy or essance of the Divine, we are all called to do this and the spirit has a way of reminding us of this. This is why my life is important, this is why your life is important. We are building what we all invision, one soul at a time.

The Power Of Courage

Since we've been back life has been like a roller coaster. Many up's and down's, the love and enjoying the beauty, to real life and trying to find a job. Last week I was finally offered a job and I will begin Monday. I was so high (emotionally, no drugs,lol) that nothing could bring me down. I dropped my husband off a couple of days ago and that's when it began. Within a matter of seconds, I looked at the road and I realized how real the road was. I know it sounds stupid, but, by mind went blank and all I could focus on was how long the road was and I became afraid. It got worse over the next few days and my I started having really bad panic attacks again. I made a promise a long time ago that I would never let it get that far again and yesterday I was at that point. The worst part about it was I was so disappointed in myself for being so weak. It paralysed me. I couldn't even drive home, so I went back to my husband's work and waited for him to go to lunch so could take me home. I cried alot, I felt so weak weak and embarrassed of my weakness. I started calming down when everyone got home. and finally completely calmed down right before bed and prayed that they would take this away. When I woke up, I felt a little better. But then my mind started up all over thinking, analysing, trying to figure things out and in turn making feel panicky all over again. I had my husband take the car this morning and I walked the kids to school. It was nice but I was still panicky and afraid that I would have yet another day of hell. If anyone has had panic attacks you know well of the hell you go through of feeling overstimulated and feel like impending doom is waiting around every corner. I dropped the kids off and wanting nothing more than for this feeling to go away. I heard a little voice that told me to stop talking to myself and talk to them. It was my guardian angel. I told her the frustration and how badly I just wanted to live again. I want to be happy, but the wall always protected me from this and I want that back, but I don;t want to be detached again.Then I heard one single gentle word "courage". This was the answer.Not facing my fears, not analysing to death about my fears, but to simply have the courage to keep walking. The courage to embrace whatever it is my heart desires. I realized that this was the thing I was missing. I have been asking for my inner strength back and this is what inner strength is, at least the strength I was looking for. The battle with the wall is that I felt strong, I could handle anything. But when the wall came down, i have been searching for that strength again. I realized that the strength i seek is simply courage. Courage is the missing piece I needed , it is the foundation of what I want my life built upon.

Understanding The Purpose of Life

Last night, I was again searching the internet. I was looking into more
information and classes on mediumship. Again, I was left a little
disheartened and confused about it all. The whole picture,, what my life
purpose is, ect. Before I went to sleep, they told me that I was going
to teach. Ironically, earlier that day, I had the same realization. I
was picking my kids up from school and I saw a young girl outside with
her teacher. The girl had downs syndrome and was kind just sitting
there off in her own little world. The teacher sees dad car pull up
and reaches her hand, 'let's go"! she said to the girl. It took a
minute for the girl to see the teacher's hand. She finally grabbed her
hand and the teacher pulled her and walked her to the car. Though her
actions said very little her tone of voice and lack on interest
screamed at me. The father get's the child in the car, and the teacher
hands him the child backpack, walks away, " I'll see you tomorrow"
like.. whatever, thank God your leaving. There was no connection
between the child and teacher at all. Anyways before I get on a
tangine about how the teacher seemed so insensitive,lol, the thought
came to me to teach. I've thought about before, not through regular
achool, I have tried that route and the doors closed each time, but
like spiritually speaking. Spiritual classes, ect. Which later led me
to look for mediumship classes and become frustrated because there is
so much to learn before you can teach, and it all cost's money.
Anyways, I decided to stop off at one of the beaches after I dropped
my husband off at work. The beach I went to actually sets on top of
huge sand dunes and on top it was the most beautiful view. It also has
the largest and strongest waves in the bay. So I sat in the car taking
in all of the beauty, and connecting to the ocean. One of my favorite
activies,lol. So i asked my Angels what my purpose in life was. I know
that out "big purpose" is to connect with God and each other, but what
about my individual purpose. So I noticed the close connection I had
with the water, each wave that pounded down, each bird that flew across
in front of me, I felt it, I knew it, I was ONE with it. The Angels
began to explain that our purpose in love is to achieve 'ONENESS'. I've
heard that term before but it seemed so vast, it could mean a million
things. So i kept having for clarification. I must be one exhausting
human to work with,lol. But in their loving patience, they explained.
(For this post I'm going to use the word God because that is what I
usually call him, but if you are of different belief, you can use any
word you like).So what is true oneness? Connection. Our purpose, to
connect with each aspect of life, the universe, and God and to work
towards bringing those aspects to it's highest l potential through
love. Because we were all created by the same creator and we are
created with his love, his energy, his essence, that makes us all
connected. But everything usually starts out raw, the most basic form.
Our purpose is to connect with it, work with it and help evolve it to
it's greatest purpose.By doing this, they in turn help us to evolve and
grow to our highest potential. They used an analogy of a farmer and his
field. A farmer looks at that field and sees the potential for many
crops. The farmer goes out there day after day, working the land,
planting the seeds. Soon his energy connects with the land. They are
now working together for a common goal. Soon the crops mature and gives
back to him, If he breaks the connection with the land, the crops will
suffer and will not reach their highest potential, which is to feed him
and his family, and in turn his family goes hungry. There are so many
different aspects of life. And our sole purpose is to connect with each
aspect and work towards evolving it from raw land to a prosperous
field. Still alittle confused on the aspect as a whole, they showed my
the garden of Eden. The garden is the most simple yet detailed account
of what oneness truly is. This is truly the most evolved form of
oneness and was probably shown to us so we can work and evolve to that
point. So I asked, if that is the case, and we already had it then why
did God add the tree of knowledge and why do we have to go through all
of this? Because the tree of knowledge was not evil, it represents all
knowledge. Knowledge is the starting point for growth. Knowledge is not
biased against light and dark. In fact, more often than not, most
people find the true light in the midst of darkness. Eve made a choice
because she was not complete, nor was Adam. If they were a complete
soul, they to would have this knowledge and would have felt no reason
to eat from the tree. Ok, what about the snake who tempted her? The
temptation was already within her, the need to learn and experience

that needed to learn and to grow to reach mankind's most highest and
purest essence. As we help other's evolve, they help us to evolve as
well. This is why it is so important to seek oneness in ALL aspects and
in ALL people, no matter how hateful or hurtful they are. For when we
learn to how oneness truly works, only then can man can work towards
the Divine goal. In a nutshell, our purpose is to connect, to embrace,
to love and to evolve all aspects of life to it's highest potential. So
if you are not connecting, embracing, loving and working towards
evolving those aspects in your life, you are will not fulfilling your
life purpose.. And how we achieve that on an individual level comes
from our dreams, our hopes and our imagination. We have guides and
helpers to point out areas that need alittle more attention, show us
how to work that area if we don't know how to. I also asked about ' You
can't receive love if you don't love yourself" ( my train of thought
was more around, how do i help other people if I can't even help
myself) Many of our growth comes from experience, and most of that
experience comes from other people or working other aspects of life.
Because we are all inter connected in one form or another, so often by
giving our energy into another aspect, it often gives us their energy
in return, giving us more options and aspects to consider to help us.
So for me, by walking this path alone for so many years, was actually
going AGAINST oneness , against my life purpose,Anyways I thought I
would share this :) let me know your thought :)

Life Lessons

The past few days have been kind of rough being back. Though I'm really glad and my husband is thrilled, so much happier, I have been a bit dishearten as far as job prospects go. The store I was supposed to transfer to to, the store manager has yet to contact me. I leave messages, she's busy in a meeting, she's on vacation, she's out of town, ect. So i have been searching elsewhere with little to no luck. So my self-esteem has been low. I felt that maybe I could find something on-line, do readings or something. My desire is to teach, kinda like coaching, possibly like a spiritual coach. So I went searching for training classes, ect. Every site i went to charges ridiculous amounts of money, with no, or ridiculous "payment plans". So I became dis hearted again. Ok, well spiritual coaches really don't require "certification" per se but everyone seems to want it. I even ran into a web-site that will train you to become a "Ordained Angel Minister". I looked at it and I'm like "are you kidding me!??" So I read through it anyways. The program seemed interesting enough until i got the price. A couple of THOUSAND dollars. For what channeling Angels, to give readings and to marry someone in the name of Archangel Micheal? And knowing that a lot of people are actually paying this price in search for spiritual enlightenment, for hope that there is something more, to transform their lives and to be an "expert" and how to make your life happy? It's almost repulsive how they market spirituality. (No offence to anyone who has spent money on alot of these classes). Anyways, by the time I shut off the computer, i was so depressed. Wondering what my purpose is, how to become "something" in life and knowing that we would never have the money to do it until I'm older. I felt stuck and hopeless. But the depression was so heavy . It was like a wet blanket draped across me. I forced myself to channel the negative energy out. As I did, it felt as if ALL of my energy was leaving, because the negative energy was so strong that it pretty much snuffed out the good. So I began to channel in the light while channeling out the negative (a practice I'm done often). By the time I was done, i felt more peace, still lost, but had some peace. I took my husband to work this morning. On the drive back I put on a meditation song and began talking to my Angels. I told them that I could not afford any of this stuff and if I needed to learn they would have to teach me. I thought about alot of stuff, I realized that my spiritual growth seemed to stop ans stagnate after I put my show on hold. I just went down hill spiritually from then. I also realized that I live alot of my life experiences through other people. Because of my unique abilites working together, I learn, experience and teach all at once, helping other's to do the same. When I focus on service, i am fulfilling my life purpose. As the Angels help them to heal, I heal myself. When I go inward, in my own self, i stop growing. because I am not fulfilling my life path and purpose. I also realized what our life purpose is..Our life path is to learn, our life purpose is to teach what we have learned in order to gain a greater connection to the Divine and one another. So , we came up with a plan that will fulfill my life purpose and the manifest what i have seen before. Since most of my learning comes from life experiences and I usually teach from life experience. So I plan on making a lesson plan on "life lessons" , spiritually speaking. First, I will post some of them on my web-site and if people want to donate, then great, but at least it will be accessible if people can't afford them. Then I can write a book and sell it, with the lessons and more, which will fulfill our financial needs, while still doing the show. No spending thousands of dollars, I'm still learning, teaching other's and fulfilling my purpose of learning and teaching and helping other's. This blog really duos no justice compared to the way it was experienced this morning, but that's ok. I have a direction now, all I have to do is continue down this path,with a possibility to actually to fulfill it. It will take some months, but that's ok. Things will fall into place as they should. It's nice to have some clarity though, a direction, a plausible direction that I feel is attainable and fulfilling. Today I will take the kids and my dad down to the coast before he has to leave. It will be a great day after all :)

A Light Into The Soul

Here is my reading:

Ahahah your a kid at heart I feel that you are young and a coming into that which has been granted
unto you is beginning. You were jumping around a lot when trying to
connect the one thing you need to do is meditate and slow your
thoughts....slow your soul and reconnect back to where your roots are.
Breath deep and long feel the breath connect to your every being and
allow the feeling of youthful imagination guide your meditations.


I finally realized what I am being told by my Angels and here was my response:

At first, I thought it was the move, since my husband and I have trying to move back home, I realized this morning, that it is something
greater, A quest of the soul , if you will, an answer that i feel will
be the starting point for a whole new life. Because of this new found
knowledge, I understand why I bounce around so much, and feeling like
I'm constantly being pulled in all these different directions. My soul
is the foundation, and by instilling peace and order , it will make it
easier to slow down the chaos in my heart and spirit and mind, ect.
Figuring out what each aspect needs and coming up with a plan to
fulfill each area. I know this may sound strange, but one day, i will
be able to get everything in order and share. This is only one aspect
of a vast ocean of a soul,lol. A soul journey into knowledge. The
reading you have given goes much deeper than you know and now i can
gain some insight into the true roots of my being, which is the soul.
The childlike self that you sense, because I'm defietly no spring
chicken anymore,lol, is yet a strong desire to be young again. Many
parts of me feels young, but other aspects of myself don't file suite,
so maybe to my getting to the root , which in this case is the soul, i
can create some balance, organize the needs of all aspects of myself to
create more balance and "teamwork" to fulfill all areas needs and
finally stop the war within.


I've
been on a quest since November that has taken me down the path of the
soul. A deeper understanding of the many complicated aspects of it. I
realized that where the dreams, desires, emotions, and everything else
comes from. The soul seems to be a delicate system that holds all
aspects of ourselves, the heart, the mind, the body, and the spirit.The
reason for this quest is i can actually make positive changes without
the constant crash and burn, to find fulfillment in my life, and to
live the life that everyone seems to promise in these "self help"
books. The best way I can describe my findings is like this. Say the
heart, mind, body and spirit are all children. Each child needs certain
things to be fulfilled. They are all yelling screaming "I want this, I
want that!" and the parent, the soul, is rushing around trying fulfill
each child's requests. But the children are never completely satisfied
because the parent can't focus all of their energy on one particular
child. When the parent duos, then shortly after, the other children
start screaming. So the parents call a babysitter and take a "time
out". This is usually when they know that the basic needs are met and
this is their time to regroup. This is why meditation is so important.
It's like when the children are older and start school, this is usually
a peaceful quiet time to take a break. Often we can calm down and see
things more clearly. It's our daily dose of "time out", seeing and
contemplating on what each child is truly seeking, whether it be
knowledge, or to feel certain types of love, or to feel more powerful,
or to seek a closer connection with people or the Divine. We are
usually not clear on what each aspect truly needs, and more often then
not, though each aspect has different needs, it can be fulfilled by
teamwork. By getting each child to work together, each child will also
work towards fulfilling their needs. For example. My Spirit has a
desire to be able to fully connect with energy and I find my connection
to water to be the strongest, (maybe because I'm a crab,lol) so by being
near running water fulfills the soul. But my heart longs to feel free
and the ocean brings forth that youthfulness while keeping the body
happy of not having to over extend itself. But the mind logically
protests that by doing this to fulfill this area, we will be setting
ourselves up for other things that might take away from the initial
fulfillment. Because your not going to feel free if you are bogged down
with bills. And this is where the war usually begins. The mind starts
throwing fire balls of logic and then the heart retaliates with anger,
and then the spirit withdraws and feels even further away from any type
of connection to anything and things begin to spiral. But by coming up
with a plan to fulfill each aspect and having all aspects work
together to fulfill each one, should bring in more stamina and
production towards specific goals. This doesn't mean that all will be
perfect, there is no perfect way, for if we fulfilled everything, we

account the needs of each child and developing a working system to
fulfill those needs, even if it means to explore new concepts or
compromise then there will be a fulfillment of the soul for peace and
harmony, as well as being able to manifest many dreams.
This is simply a concept. I will be working with this for awhile. And will have to figure out where to start,lol.