A Message from the Faries

Posted by Mystic Angel January 16 - # 

I had no idea how hard my heart has become. Ever since I broke down the wall, I guess I made a choice to rebuild it once again and never even realizing it. I felt led to spend a little time working with Fairy Oracle. The First card I pulled was the crone. I had no idea where this meditation was going to lead to, but it sure hit home when I got to the end. I wanted to share this with you. It never ceases to amaze me how Spirit communicates with us, always revealing the most profound yet simply things. If you want to know what it means to be "enlightened" it's nothing more then the gift of realization.

These are the 4 cards from heart of the Fairy I pulled.
The Crone- the fairy if wisdom.
The Question- The waterfall and pull acts as a wishing well to reveal the answers of which the seeker requests.
The Tempatation- the opposition force that holds one back from following the destined path.
The Farie of Youth- the inner child within that longs to be free again.

As i look into the sacred pool, I see my reflection, that of myself as a child. She is fearful, fearful of what? Everything. She fears the shadows, she fears life, she fears change, and she fears the end. It is difficult for her to understand that in order to have a new beginning, some things must first end and receive closure. At this moment, she does not want to leave. She does not want to get older or to leave the magickal place behind. It is safe. It is full of endless possibilities. I see her looking around as if she is searching for something. She appears to be lost and afraid, yet there is a familiarity to this that she can't deny. She feels alone, though she wishes for companionship, she finds comfort in the solitude. There is a sense of peace within the loneliness.
   She see's something shining in the distance. She walks towards this treasure. As she draws near, a creature, a snake hangs down from the tree. She recognizes this as the temptation. She really wants this object, this light that shines so brightly. It brings peace and beauty. She see's tall buildings, people walking up and down the sidewalk, life. A very busy life with normal people in a normal world.  But there is fear, for she knows that if she takes it, then all that she knows will fade and her life will completely change. She begins to walk away, looking behind her shoulder. She wonders if she is ready. She finds a rock and perches upon it. In front of her is a beautiful field with large mountains off in the distance. Fireflies dance in the dusk lighting a path through the grass. She glances over one last time towards the shiny object. For some reason, this time it doesn't seem to call her anymore.
She walks through the golden grass down the path set before her. She does not know where she is heading, but she knows that where she is going is where she should be. The sun sets and the stars began to twinkle in the sky. She see's the man up in the sky with a bow and arrow pointing the way. She begins to realize how vast the universe is and how small she is. She layes in the grass just gazing up in the sky in awe and wonder. As she begins to fall asleep a covering made out of soft green grasses cover her and keep her warm for the night. Feeling safe, she falls asleep.
    The sun begins to rise as a new day begins. She continues down her her path and again she's the shiny object. Again, she passes it by, choosing to walk alone, in this wondrous place. Sure the nights seem darker here, but the stars shine so bright. Te shiny object could never compare. Day after day, year after year, the child grows into womanhood. Still continuing down the same path. Through deep valleys and high peaks, through great sorrow and grief to profound joy and simplicity. Still she has no destination in mind, no place to call home, but she is content. Many years have passed since she saw the shiny object that seemed to promise normalcy and humanity. Then one day, it appears before her once again. She holds it tightly within her hands. She see's someone in it. The face of an angel. Her heart wells up. She longs to be there with him. But serpant comes back and tells her she can have this if she so chooses, but she would have to leave this world behind. Her heart begins to break and she slowly begins to walk away. He moves in front of her holding the object again. Again she looks within and see's great houses and fancy cars. Beautiful things. She isn't highly impressed ans walks away again. The third time he gets in front of her and again ask's her to look. She tell's him "no" but he put's it in front of her again. "Look". This time she saw horrendous things. She saw hurricanes and destruction. She saw people hurting one another. She saw loneliness and pain. Her heart broke.  Then she saw the angel again and in the midst of all the pain, she saw love. She asked herself. "What purpose do I serve other then myself by wandering around here?" I am alone, but I am content. I am afraid, yet I am strong. I have traveled to the bottom of many canyons, across the greatest rivers and have seen to tops of many mountains. But what purpose does this truly serve? The serapant transformed into an old woman and a veil appeared next to her. With her old hands she lifted the veil and the young woman walked through.
     Busy streets and careless people.She received strange stares from some as others walked passed her as if she were invisible. Never had she felt more alone then among the crowd. A world made up of concrete and steel replaced the lush green grass and open fields. She quickly regretted her decision and wanted to turn back, but the veil was gone. She was blinded by sorrow and pain, grieving the loss of all that she had and not understanding the point of all of this. No longer seeing the beauty or the magick of this place.
      She often wondered if she made the wrong choice. Feelings as if life had no purpose.
One day the old woman returns . The young woman appears worn and weary, filled with sadness and grief. The woman asks her why she was deceived? Where was the angel she was promised. Where was the love she saw. The old woman pulls out the shiny object and ask's the young woman to look at it. Again, she saw looks and see's the world dark and bleak, filled with sadness and loneliness. She tell's the woman" I see nothing different then my life now". The old woman tells her that the shiny thing is nothing more then a mirror reflecting  what there is inside. If you could dream about the life that you would choose for yourself what would it be?" The young woman looked again and saw three shining beautiful faces. The faces of her children. Next to them was the angel. The faces of her husband. The old woman pointed and the young woman saw them coming towards her. The buildings began to disappear and was soon transformed into the beautiful field with the mountains in the background. The old woman looked her and asked why she choose to go into a world filled with pain and sorrow?Filled with emptiness and grief. The young woman answered" for love."
But I still do not understand. The old woman smiled. "Life without love held no purpose to you, so you left the place of safety and comfort and risked everything for that love. The building of concrete reflected the confines of your heart. As you can see off in the distance some of the stones still exsist, but your world is no longer covered in concrete and stone. It is now lush and green, with a little bit of stone that was built to house you and your family. Now that you have love, you have a purpose, you have a reason for living. And that love speads. The old woman cast her arms towards the field as other people began to walk toward her. Some bore the scars of their own jounrneys. But each filled with joy and peace.
   Through your grief and pain, your desire for love still burned. That love spread through one person, who then found love and spread to another, and another. That love saved your angel, your husband and now your children. This world, this beauty around you, this is a reflection of the love within. Do not be afraid to share it, to give it nor to accept it. You have been wondering what your purpose is, isn't it obvious? You entire purpose is to love and that love will manifest in many different ways. You fought the shadows for love, you traveled between time and space for love, and you helped those in need because of love.
     You have grown hard. You've surrounded your heart in concrete once again. The wall you worked so hard to destroy you have slowly been building up once again. This isn't the life you had envisioned and the reason why is because your shadows keep blinding you from the love within. It's not light, for light only comes from one source, love. Without love, there would be no light. The stars were made to give you light within the darkness, but without love, noone would care if you could see or not. Love is the root of everything. Once you learn this lesson, then will your life began to change. Then your life will have purpose and meaning once again. It doesn't matter what you do, for whatever is done without love holds no meaning to anyone.See your world through the eyes of love, my dear Angel and you will find what you seek.

Dark Moon Candle Divination Posted by Mystic Angel January 20 - #

I have been feeling kind of low this evening. I don't feel that I am living up to my potential. I went in search on what it means to be a Mystic. Ironically, I find myself looking up the typical stuff, mysticism, psychic and all that other wonderful stuff. But that is not what makes me a Mystic, what makes me a mystic is my continued search of self-discovery. I seem to make a common mistake, looking for outside souces to fill that which is within. I will never find what I seek there, so I must go inward. But the path of self discover, I have learned today isn't always going to magickal, sometimes it's mundane and it is up to me to put the magic in it. So I did a candle divination this evening. I will put the symbols here.
The first thing I noticed was an Angel up in the sky and it appeared to have a cord attached below. This is a reminder of who I am but that I am not just connected to the higher realm, I am connected also to the earth. I am always afraid that if I get to involved in the spiritual, I will loose my humanity, but I think that I have forgotten who I am. I am a creator of the Divine and I will never loose my attachment to this earth because I am connected to this earth and those within it, always. There is no ascending and descending, it's merely going from one road to another, but all roads lead to the same destinations. High, low, within, without, it's all connected, there is no separation. My higher self, the angel within travels with me down below, here on earth, but when I rise again, I am still grounded. I feel the message is that I do not have to be afraid, for they both are a part of me. When I turned the angel over, I saw a strange looking man with only one eye. The man represents pain and the ability to not see clearly. I am often blinded by so much pain, that I cannot see who I really am, I caanot fully see for I am blinded by one eye, yet the other eye still does see and allows me to see what I must this evening.
The second symbol I received is that of what appears to be a boat floating in water. It was attached to the angel. The boat represents safty , for it keeps you safe in the water and allows you travel to places you would not otherwise be able to travel to. The fact that it was attached is another safty net, which represents a fear for traveling down the path of the unknown. I prefer to stay where it is safe. Over time the boat broke off and traveled alone, free to roam where it chose to go. The message here is freedom from fear. When I turned the boat over, I saw the face of a wolf which represents power, courage and strength, also a totem animal of mine.
The third symbol I saw was an apple which represents wisdom. The boat floated towards the apple at one point, and feel that by letting go of fear of the unknown and traveling down my path, I will find much wisdom through my travels. My safety net holds me back from moving foward. I am in constant search of wisdom yet I need to allow myself the freedom to explore, for this is when and how I learn. I do not learn through books, I learn through life experiences. When I flipped it over, I saw a witches hat, for this is one area that I have been studying for several years and this is a major part of my path. This is where my spirituality is established and where faith grows quickly and freely. I am reminded not to abandon this path for it is a part of my just like everything else. These are tools that help me along my spiritual path and this is the connection point of my spiritual path.
The last symbol I received was the letter "E". When I turned it around it looked like a tiny fetus, which represents eternal life and new beginnings.
This all that I have from this reading but it has been quite beneficial. I know I must let go of fears and in time, this will come to pass.
When we ask, we will always be given the answers we seek. I am not lost as it feels, for now it has been revealed my deepest fears, giving me the stregnth to continue down my path.And for this I am blessed.

Living Life To The Fullest

Posted by Mystic Angel Tue at 8:52 PM - # 

   I often sit and think about life, the beauty, the pain, the smiles, and  the tears. I used to seek happiness for the pain in my heart was so great, but now that I have some measure of happiness, I have discovered that true happiness is not get rid of the pain, but to embrace it. To embrace everything, to embrace it all. I have spent a lifetime running from pain, yet have drowned in it and somewhere along the line, I learned that pain is not the opposite of happiness, it's part of what creates it.
    I have climbed the steps of heaven just to dive off of it into the depths of hell. I have found heaven in that hell. I have found life among the dead. I have found the greatest of love through anger and fear. I never knew how fragile the soul until I saw how hard my heart had truly become. You don't ever realize how warm and bright the sun is until you have been without it.
   Sometimes I wonder if people realize how precious life truly is. Has anyone every seen a beautiful tear? Has anyone truly let go of their heart enough to find out how deep love can truly go? We often look to those who have alot of money to inspire us to and show us how to live life to fullest, but the man who has the greatest understanding of how to live life is the man and woman who have nothing. They truly understand the worth of a dollar. They understand the simple things in life for it is all they have.I have never been closer to my husband and kids until I lived in a motel with them for 14 months. I never knew Christmas until that year and we had hardly anything, yet it was the best christmas ever because we shared it looking for starfish and hermit crabs in the tidepools on Montery Bay. We had no money for 5 star dining, but we had something better, Panda Express and ocean front dining, for free.
   If you truly want the love of Romeo and Juliet, allow yourself the risk of getting your heart stomped to the ground.  If you want to live life to the fullest wipe the tears from a dying child. If you want to  find your life purpose, spend a year loosing yourself. If you want to find happiness, embrace the pain you have endured.

A Message from the Faries

These are the 4 cards from heart of the Fairy I pulled.
The Crone- the fairy if wisdom.
The Question- The waterfall and pull acts as a wishing well to reveal the answers of which the seeker requests.
The Tempatation- the opposition force that holds one back from following the destined path.
The Farie of Youth- the inner child within that longs to be free again.

As i look into the sacred pool, I see my reflection, that of myself as a child. She is fearful, fearful of what? Everything. She fears the shadows, she fears life, she fears change, and she fears the end. It is difficult for her to understand that in order to have a new beginning, some things must first end and receive closure. At this moment, she does not want to leave. She does not want to get older or to leave the magickal place behind. It is safe. It is full of endless possibilities. I see her looking around as if she is searching for something. She appears to be lost and afraid, yet there is a familiarity to this that she can't deny. She feels alone, though she wishes for companionship, she finds comfort in the solitude. There is a sense of peace within the loneliness.
   She see's something shining in the distance. She walks towards this treasure. As she draws near, a creature, a snake hangs down from the tree. She recognizes this as the temptation. She really wants this object, this light that shines so brightly. It brings peace and beauty. She see's tall buildings, people walking up and down the sidewalk, life. A very busy life with normal people in a normal world.  But there is fear, for she knows that if she takes it, then all that she knows will fade and her life will completely change. She begins to walk away, looking behind her shoulder. She wonders if she is ready. She finds a rock and perches upon it. In front of her is a beautiful field with large mountains off in the distance. Fireflies dance in the dusk lighting a path through the grass. She glances over one last time towards the shiny object. For some reason, this time it doesn't seem to call her anymore.
She walks through the golden grass down the path set before her. She does not know where she is heading, but she knows that where she is going is where she should be. The sun sets and the stars began to twinkle in the sky. She see's the man up in the sky with a bow and arrow pointing the way. She begins to realize how vast the universe is and how small she is. She layes in the grass just gazing up in the sky in awe and wonder. As she begins to fall asleep a covering made out of soft green grasses cover her and keep her warm for the night. Feeling safe, she falls asleep.
    The sun begins to rise as a new day begins. She continues down her her path and again she's the shiny object. Again, she passes it by, choosing to walk alone, in this wondrous place. Sure the nights seem darker here, but the stars shine so bright. Te shiny object could never compare. Day after day, year after year, the child grows into womanhood. Still continuing down the same path. Through deep valleys and high peaks, through great sorrow and grief to profound joy and simplicity. Still she has no destination in mind, no place to call home, but she is content. Many years have passed since she saw the shiny object that seemed to promise normalcy and humanity. Then one day, it appears before her once again. She holds it tightly within her hands. She see's someone in it. The face of an angel. Her heart wells up. She longs to be there with him. But serpant comes back and tells her she can have this if she so chooses, but she would have to leave this world behind. Her heart begins to break and she slowly begins to walk away. He moves in front of her holding the object again. Again she looks within and see's great houses and fancy cars. Beautiful things. She isn't highly impressed ans walks away again. The third time he gets in front of her and again ask's her to look. She tell's him "no" but he put's it in front of her again. "Look". This time she saw horrendous things. She saw hurricanes and destruction. She saw people hurting one another. She saw loneliness and pain. Her heart broke.  Then she saw the angel again and in the midst of all the pain, she saw love. She asked herself. "What purpose do I serve other then myself by wandering around here?" I am alone, but I am content. I am afraid, yet I am strong. I have traveled to the bottom of many canyons, across the greatest rivers and have seen to tops of many mountains. But what purpose does this truly serve? The serapant transformed into an old woman and a veil appeared next to her. With her old hands she lifted the veil and the young woman walked through.
     Busy streets and careless people.She received strange stares from some as others walked passed her as if she were invisible. Never had she felt more alone then among the crowd. A world made up of concrete and steel replaced the lush green grass and open fields. She quickly regretted her decision and wanted to turn back, but the veil was gone. She was blinded by sorrow and pain, grieving the loss of all that she had and not understanding the point of all of this. No longer seeing the beauty or the magick of this place.
      She often wondered if she made the wrong choice. Feelings as if life had no purpose.
One day the old woman returns . The young woman appears worn and weary, filled with sadness and grief. The woman asks her why she was deceived? Where was the angel she was promised. Where was the love she saw. The old woman pulls out the shiny object and ask's the young woman to look at it. Again, she saw looks and see's the world dark and bleak, filled with sadness and loneliness. She tell's the woman" I see nothing different then my life now". The old woman tells her that the shiny thing is nothing more then a mirror reflecting  what there is inside. If you could dream about the life that you would choose for yourself what would it be?" The young woman looked again and saw three shining beautiful faces. The faces of her children. Next to them was the angel. The faces of her husband. The old woman pointed and the young woman saw them coming towards her. The buildings began to disappear and was soon transformed into the beautiful field with the mountains in the background. The old woman looked her and asked why she choose to go into a world filled with pain and sorrow?Filled with emptiness and grief. The young woman answered" for love."
But I still do not understand. The old woman smiled. "Life without love held no purpose to you, so you left the place of safety and comfort and risked everything for that love. The building of concrete reflected the confines of your heart. As you can see off in the distance some of the stones still exsist, but your world is no longer covered in concrete and stone. It is now lush and green, with a little bit of stone that was built to house you and your family. Now that you have love, you have a purpose, you have a reason for living. And that love speads. The old woman cast her arms towards the field as other people began to walk toward her. Some bore the scars of their own jounrneys. But each filled with joy and peace.
   Through your grief and pain, your desire for love still burned. That love spread through one person, who then found love and spread to another, and another. That love saved your angel, your husband and now your children. This world, this beauty around you, this is a reflection of the love within. Do not be afraid to share it, to give it nor to accept it. You have been wondering what your purpose is, isn't it obvious? You entire purpose is to love and that love will manifest in many different ways. You fought the shadows for love, you traveled between time and space for love, and you helped those in need because of love.
     You have grown hard. You've surrounded your heart in concrete once again. The wall you worked so hard to destroy you have slowly been building up once again. This isn't the life you had envisioned and the reason why is because your shadows keep blinding you from the love within. It's not light, for light only comes from one source, love. Without love, there would be no light. The stars were made to give you light within the darkness, but without love, noone would care if you could see or not. Love is the root of everything. Once you learn this lesson, then will your life began to change. Then your life will have purpose and meaning once again. It doesn't matter what you do, for whatever is done without love holds no meaning to anyone. See your world through the eyes of love, my dear Angel and you will find what you seek.
    

The Pools of Avalon

The Pools of Avalon

    I've never done things the traditional way. I have experienced things that would land most people in a mental hospital, and often keep my experiences to myself for the very reason that most people would not understand and think I was completely nuts.
     I have walked in between the veils since childhood. As a child is was just natural. It wasn't something I thought about or could even explain, it simply.. was. Now that I am older I have an ever greater understanding of this, but that knowledge has come at a great price, belief. Now that the logical mind is aware of the spiritual nature of things, it often creates chaos and disbelief. It causes doubt as I try to logically comprehend something that isn't meant to be understood. I have been trying to swim upstream instead of simply allowing the waters of life to flow naturally. When I wasn't aware, the energy just flowed. Now that I try to make things logical in my head, none of it makes sense, and then I no longer seek knowledge, I seek affirmation for the things I once knew to be true and now disbelief, or at least walk skeptically upon it.
     I found this picture that I have on my desktop background. I will try to post it at the end of this blog. But the rushing waters in this sacred place, I can't help but to feel the energy flowing through this place. Logically, I would be nuts to think that such a place would even exists, it's just a picture after all, the results of another person's creation. But I was so drawn to it. I could hear my Angels speak to me, telling me to close my eyes and to place myself as if I was standing in front of it. So I did. The water was so blue, so peaceful and so calm. I could feel the gentle breeze across my face and the air so pure. I envisioned my husband next to me. He wasn't in physical form, but in spirit, like a ball of light that moved into my arms. So I let go of all of the logical and followed the flow of Spirit. We step waist high into the water. We dipped into the water, intentionally realizing the things that burdened him. I didn't second guess, I didn't doubt, I just knew. I continued to dip him in 7 times. In my arms I raised him to the heavens and a beam of light came down and surrounded him. When we were done, we walked back up the stairs. Again he stood next to me, but this time in physical form. Again, we went into the water, repeating everything from before. This time the intention was set for more physical healing or at least a decrease in pain. When we were done, he stood up high next to me and he walked up the stairs once again. We walked through the veil and back to here.
     When I came back from my meditative state, he got out of bed and had no pain. His thoughts were cleared and his emotional state was so much better. He had hope again. I had no illusions that this would last forever, but it was meant to help him out while we are going through all of this, a temporary relief. After that, it's up to the Divine. So a few days ago, my oldest child was feeling low. I can always tell, the remarks, the looks and especially, "leave me alone" and isolation that usually lasts a couple of days. I often worry as she has a history of attempted suicides. So once again I opened the vel and entered into the healing pools. This time taking her with me. We went into the waters and I invisioned the waters cleansing her from the energy that brought her down. I asked that whatever she needed would be restored. We spent quite a bit of time there. When the light shone all around I knew her healing was complete. We ascended to stairs and again through the veil. The next morning, she was her again. She was happy and peaceful, she seemed to enjoy life again and that light still shone around her.
      I revisited this place again last night, this time bringing all of my family, including the pets. There has been a little tension between the animals lately as well as between my kids. Again, I opened the veil, and again we descended into the healing waters. The peace that overcomes in completely indescribable. Today, there was hardly any bickering between the kids, they have gotten along all day long. The animals, at least two of them , out kitten skittles and our dog buddy snuggled up together on the floor. My husband felt better physically and mentally. I did an extra hand's on healing and it instantly brought his pain down from a 9 to a 5.
     I call this place the pools of Avalon.The holy place of Divine light and essence. I'm beginning to understand the difference between the mind and the spirit and , how when used together as a whole, can create miracles. I have always seen this, but somehow I have lost my belief in it. I see it now though. I see it all so clearly. The way's of Spirit isn't the way's of man, or at least isn't the ways of logic, at least not for me. For some this may be so, but I am meant to learn and discover My path. It's kind of funny how many times I have come full circle just to find out that what I was seeking, i already knew,lol. What I am also beginning to realize is that each time I walk full circle and start out at the beginning all over again, I am stronger for I have learned. I've learned not just how, but now I know why and to me, knowing why is power. It gives me more strength because now I see the purpose in these things. I see the results of what I am called to do and that it is not in vain.
      It's funny because I always thought I was to much in the spirit and not grounded enough on the earth. I always knew somehow that I needed to find balance between the two. What i have found out is actually the opposite. I am to grounded to this earth and that which I can see that I have somehow left behind the spirit, therefore leaving faith behind. I now know why.  I only knew a darker spiritual realm. It wasn't by choice, it was part of my purpose. I understand why I had to go so deep and so dark, because in the depths of hell, lies the key to heaven, the pools of Avalon.

Christmas Sucks

Christmas Sucks

I have always hated christmas. How everything just builds and builds and then after the presents are opened, the magick of the holiday seems to disappear after the last present is opened. Now that I am a mother and wife, I am basically in charge of everyone's happiness and satisfaction during this season. I do all of the shopping for gifts, the shopping for the christmas dinners, yes, dinners since our families don't get along, I have to cook for both, making sure everything is set up, the presents are wrapped.. everything. Ok fine, I can accept this responsibility, but tonight was yet another blow to my ego.
It's not that I expect anything, being broke, I would much rather the money be spent on the kids. In the past when we do have money, they depend on me to buy my own gifts anyway's because they don't seem to have any idea what to get me anyway's. Ok, fine I can deal with this to, better to get something I might actually enjoy then some (lame) present that actually had some thought behind it, right? I'm being sarcastic. I don't think they understand that I could give a shit less about the gift, it's the heart and the thought behind it that matters to me.
So why am I whining again now? Well, we were watching charmed, and my husband looks over and say's he's going to have to kick me out of the room so him and my kids can wrap their christmas present to me. 15 minutes later, the show ends and I get ready to leave. My daughter doesn't want to do it and my son get's upset because he is really excited. Come to find out my daughter wanted to watch a movie that was coming on and was willing to go in our room if she could watch the movie while wrapping it. (Jee, thanks) but she's a kid so what do you expect? But my husband decides that he doesn't want to watch it, he wants to watch a different show so my daughter backs out and leaves. Then my husband say's that he's not feeling well anyways and they can do it tomarrow. Talk about making me feel like shit once again. I hate to admit it but it is quite heartbreaking knowing that I spend so much time and energy trying to give them the best christmas we can afford and wrapping one simple present for me is just to much work. They would rather rather watch tv instead of taking 15 minutes out of their busy schedule. Lord knows that with all we have to do tomorrow, noone will get to it or will be rushed since tomorrow is Christmas Eve and done out of obligation anyway's.
I told my husband just to give it to my son since he is the only one who actually want's to do it anyway's. No, really, I don't want to put anyone out.
They did this on Mother's Day to. The lack of emotion behind it was so painful I decided not have them celebrate Mother's Day for me anymore. Wish your grandmother's a happy mother's day, but leave me out of it. I mean seriously, I don't ask for anything in return , but everyone seems obligated, not because they want to but because they have to attitude, it just invalidates me even more. I keep telling them not to do anything when their heart's aren't into it anyways, yet they do and once again, making a person feel special obviously isn't a strong point in this family.
Except for my son, unselfishly, lol, he just gets so excited. A very good kid with a very big heart. I'll keep his his, the other two can go back to the store, I don't want it.
I was hoping that getting this out of my system would make me feel better, but it didn't. So I'm just going to quite whining. 

The Path

I opened my circle this evening. Up until this evening, I have spent most of my evening circles simply involved in healing rituals, spirit crossing and energy cleansing and clearing. I have spent little time lately mediating on actual goals or getting a clear picture on what I am supposed to do. This evening I decided I would seek clarity.
    It's been on my heart lately that I often get swayed into useless and meaningless things. Though they seem important at the time, at the end of the day, they are meaningless and have done nothing to fulfill the soul. I feel like I am drifting through life day by day without and direction or destination. Tonight, in my circle seemed no different.
     I opened my circle as usual, called upon my God and started the connection process. Usually I could spend up to twenty minutes in connecting alone, but tonight, it was only five minutes until I opened my eyes and just watched the flame of the candle. I was guided to close my eyes once again, and so I did. I was guided down a dark path. The moon could not be seen, only the stars above and the lamp within my hand would render the light that I needed. I could not see very far up ahead, but I continued to follow the path anyway's knowing that it was were I needed to go. As I continued down the path, the open field to my left began to disappear and the trees around me became more dense. At the entrance of the forest there was an Angel standing at a fork in the path. I was given the choice to continue forward or to follow the path he was pointing down. I choose the Angels path. As I walked passed him, the door closed behind me.
      As I continued to walk further, another clearing appeared to my right. Thousands of tiny white lights lit up the field and I knew that they were fireflies. I noticed that as I was moving, they were also moving slightly ahead of me as if guiding me down the road. Soon, another fork appeared and Jesus was standing there. He asked me which road I would like to take. The road before me appeared to winde back into the forest, yet the new path led towards the field. It felt so open and free and so I left the old path behind and followed this new path. Shortly up ahead I saw a large fireplace and a bench. I was asked to join him at the king's table, where I was offered, food and drink. I accepted the offer, though feeling a bit hesitant of where I would be going next.
     Suddenly, in the darkness, a voice asked " where would you like to go?" I sat there for several minutes unable to answer for I had no idea. I was told that I had no destination in mind. The destination may only be half the journey, yet it is just as important as the journey itself, for knowing where we are going while on the journey gives us meaning and purpose for that journey. I realized that I had been spending many years merely walking on the path and simply following it. I had no destination in mind. I figured that the path alone would simply take me where I needed to go and if opportunities came along, then it was simply destined. I am a traveler with no map or compass. A traveler with no destination or purpose other then to learn the lesson of the path alone. I could see the field before me as several paths became etched into the field,  several spirals that led to nowhere and realized that I have been taking all of the side paths here and there and getting nowhere. I had no destination, no purpose.
       On top of a mountain, in the distance I saw a beautiful city over looking a valley. This city represented the goals that I wanted to accomplish, my destination. I was asked once again, if I wanted to continue down this path or if i would like to go back to the old path. I chose the new path and as I began to walk towards my destination, a small path reared to the left. I was encouraged not to take the tiny path, but to continue down the path that led me to my destination, the goals I wanted to achieve and so I continued to walk down the main path.
         This is where my meditation ends and my new life begins. To stay upon our destined path takes discipline and control, but now that I have a clearer picture of the importance of destinations, I now have clarity to achieve many of these goals