The Pools of Avalon

The Pools of Avalon

    I've never done things the traditional way. I have experienced things that would land most people in a mental hospital, and often keep my experiences to myself for the very reason that most people would not understand and think I was completely nuts.
     I have walked in between the veils since childhood. As a child is was just natural. It wasn't something I thought about or could even explain, it simply.. was. Now that I am older I have an ever greater understanding of this, but that knowledge has come at a great price, belief. Now that the logical mind is aware of the spiritual nature of things, it often creates chaos and disbelief. It causes doubt as I try to logically comprehend something that isn't meant to be understood. I have been trying to swim upstream instead of simply allowing the waters of life to flow naturally. When I wasn't aware, the energy just flowed. Now that I try to make things logical in my head, none of it makes sense, and then I no longer seek knowledge, I seek affirmation for the things I once knew to be true and now disbelief, or at least walk skeptically upon it.
     I found this picture that I have on my desktop background. I will try to post it at the end of this blog. But the rushing waters in this sacred place, I can't help but to feel the energy flowing through this place. Logically, I would be nuts to think that such a place would even exists, it's just a picture after all, the results of another person's creation. But I was so drawn to it. I could hear my Angels speak to me, telling me to close my eyes and to place myself as if I was standing in front of it. So I did. The water was so blue, so peaceful and so calm. I could feel the gentle breeze across my face and the air so pure. I envisioned my husband next to me. He wasn't in physical form, but in spirit, like a ball of light that moved into my arms. So I let go of all of the logical and followed the flow of Spirit. We step waist high into the water. We dipped into the water, intentionally realizing the things that burdened him. I didn't second guess, I didn't doubt, I just knew. I continued to dip him in 7 times. In my arms I raised him to the heavens and a beam of light came down and surrounded him. When we were done, we walked back up the stairs. Again he stood next to me, but this time in physical form. Again, we went into the water, repeating everything from before. This time the intention was set for more physical healing or at least a decrease in pain. When we were done, he stood up high next to me and he walked up the stairs once again. We walked through the veil and back to here.
     When I came back from my meditative state, he got out of bed and had no pain. His thoughts were cleared and his emotional state was so much better. He had hope again. I had no illusions that this would last forever, but it was meant to help him out while we are going through all of this, a temporary relief. After that, it's up to the Divine. So a few days ago, my oldest child was feeling low. I can always tell, the remarks, the looks and especially, "leave me alone" and isolation that usually lasts a couple of days. I often worry as she has a history of attempted suicides. So once again I opened the vel and entered into the healing pools. This time taking her with me. We went into the waters and I invisioned the waters cleansing her from the energy that brought her down. I asked that whatever she needed would be restored. We spent quite a bit of time there. When the light shone all around I knew her healing was complete. We ascended to stairs and again through the veil. The next morning, she was her again. She was happy and peaceful, she seemed to enjoy life again and that light still shone around her.
      I revisited this place again last night, this time bringing all of my family, including the pets. There has been a little tension between the animals lately as well as between my kids. Again, I opened the veil, and again we descended into the healing waters. The peace that overcomes in completely indescribable. Today, there was hardly any bickering between the kids, they have gotten along all day long. The animals, at least two of them , out kitten skittles and our dog buddy snuggled up together on the floor. My husband felt better physically and mentally. I did an extra hand's on healing and it instantly brought his pain down from a 9 to a 5.
     I call this place the pools of Avalon.The holy place of Divine light and essence. I'm beginning to understand the difference between the mind and the spirit and , how when used together as a whole, can create miracles. I have always seen this, but somehow I have lost my belief in it. I see it now though. I see it all so clearly. The way's of Spirit isn't the way's of man, or at least isn't the ways of logic, at least not for me. For some this may be so, but I am meant to learn and discover My path. It's kind of funny how many times I have come full circle just to find out that what I was seeking, i already knew,lol. What I am also beginning to realize is that each time I walk full circle and start out at the beginning all over again, I am stronger for I have learned. I've learned not just how, but now I know why and to me, knowing why is power. It gives me more strength because now I see the purpose in these things. I see the results of what I am called to do and that it is not in vain.
      It's funny because I always thought I was to much in the spirit and not grounded enough on the earth. I always knew somehow that I needed to find balance between the two. What i have found out is actually the opposite. I am to grounded to this earth and that which I can see that I have somehow left behind the spirit, therefore leaving faith behind. I now know why.  I only knew a darker spiritual realm. It wasn't by choice, it was part of my purpose. I understand why I had to go so deep and so dark, because in the depths of hell, lies the key to heaven, the pools of Avalon.

Christmas Sucks

Christmas Sucks

I have always hated christmas. How everything just builds and builds and then after the presents are opened, the magick of the holiday seems to disappear after the last present is opened. Now that I am a mother and wife, I am basically in charge of everyone's happiness and satisfaction during this season. I do all of the shopping for gifts, the shopping for the christmas dinners, yes, dinners since our families don't get along, I have to cook for both, making sure everything is set up, the presents are wrapped.. everything. Ok fine, I can accept this responsibility, but tonight was yet another blow to my ego.
It's not that I expect anything, being broke, I would much rather the money be spent on the kids. In the past when we do have money, they depend on me to buy my own gifts anyway's because they don't seem to have any idea what to get me anyway's. Ok, fine I can deal with this to, better to get something I might actually enjoy then some (lame) present that actually had some thought behind it, right? I'm being sarcastic. I don't think they understand that I could give a shit less about the gift, it's the heart and the thought behind it that matters to me.
So why am I whining again now? Well, we were watching charmed, and my husband looks over and say's he's going to have to kick me out of the room so him and my kids can wrap their christmas present to me. 15 minutes later, the show ends and I get ready to leave. My daughter doesn't want to do it and my son get's upset because he is really excited. Come to find out my daughter wanted to watch a movie that was coming on and was willing to go in our room if she could watch the movie while wrapping it. (Jee, thanks) but she's a kid so what do you expect? But my husband decides that he doesn't want to watch it, he wants to watch a different show so my daughter backs out and leaves. Then my husband say's that he's not feeling well anyways and they can do it tomarrow. Talk about making me feel like shit once again. I hate to admit it but it is quite heartbreaking knowing that I spend so much time and energy trying to give them the best christmas we can afford and wrapping one simple present for me is just to much work. They would rather rather watch tv instead of taking 15 minutes out of their busy schedule. Lord knows that with all we have to do tomorrow, noone will get to it or will be rushed since tomorrow is Christmas Eve and done out of obligation anyway's.
I told my husband just to give it to my son since he is the only one who actually want's to do it anyway's. No, really, I don't want to put anyone out.
They did this on Mother's Day to. The lack of emotion behind it was so painful I decided not have them celebrate Mother's Day for me anymore. Wish your grandmother's a happy mother's day, but leave me out of it. I mean seriously, I don't ask for anything in return , but everyone seems obligated, not because they want to but because they have to attitude, it just invalidates me even more. I keep telling them not to do anything when their heart's aren't into it anyways, yet they do and once again, making a person feel special obviously isn't a strong point in this family.
Except for my son, unselfishly, lol, he just gets so excited. A very good kid with a very big heart. I'll keep his his, the other two can go back to the store, I don't want it.
I was hoping that getting this out of my system would make me feel better, but it didn't. So I'm just going to quite whining. 

The Path

I opened my circle this evening. Up until this evening, I have spent most of my evening circles simply involved in healing rituals, spirit crossing and energy cleansing and clearing. I have spent little time lately mediating on actual goals or getting a clear picture on what I am supposed to do. This evening I decided I would seek clarity.
    It's been on my heart lately that I often get swayed into useless and meaningless things. Though they seem important at the time, at the end of the day, they are meaningless and have done nothing to fulfill the soul. I feel like I am drifting through life day by day without and direction or destination. Tonight, in my circle seemed no different.
     I opened my circle as usual, called upon my God and started the connection process. Usually I could spend up to twenty minutes in connecting alone, but tonight, it was only five minutes until I opened my eyes and just watched the flame of the candle. I was guided to close my eyes once again, and so I did. I was guided down a dark path. The moon could not be seen, only the stars above and the lamp within my hand would render the light that I needed. I could not see very far up ahead, but I continued to follow the path anyway's knowing that it was were I needed to go. As I continued down the path, the open field to my left began to disappear and the trees around me became more dense. At the entrance of the forest there was an Angel standing at a fork in the path. I was given the choice to continue forward or to follow the path he was pointing down. I choose the Angels path. As I walked passed him, the door closed behind me.
      As I continued to walk further, another clearing appeared to my right. Thousands of tiny white lights lit up the field and I knew that they were fireflies. I noticed that as I was moving, they were also moving slightly ahead of me as if guiding me down the road. Soon, another fork appeared and Jesus was standing there. He asked me which road I would like to take. The road before me appeared to winde back into the forest, yet the new path led towards the field. It felt so open and free and so I left the old path behind and followed this new path. Shortly up ahead I saw a large fireplace and a bench. I was asked to join him at the king's table, where I was offered, food and drink. I accepted the offer, though feeling a bit hesitant of where I would be going next.
     Suddenly, in the darkness, a voice asked " where would you like to go?" I sat there for several minutes unable to answer for I had no idea. I was told that I had no destination in mind. The destination may only be half the journey, yet it is just as important as the journey itself, for knowing where we are going while on the journey gives us meaning and purpose for that journey. I realized that I had been spending many years merely walking on the path and simply following it. I had no destination in mind. I figured that the path alone would simply take me where I needed to go and if opportunities came along, then it was simply destined. I am a traveler with no map or compass. A traveler with no destination or purpose other then to learn the lesson of the path alone. I could see the field before me as several paths became etched into the field,  several spirals that led to nowhere and realized that I have been taking all of the side paths here and there and getting nowhere. I had no destination, no purpose.
       On top of a mountain, in the distance I saw a beautiful city over looking a valley. This city represented the goals that I wanted to accomplish, my destination. I was asked once again, if I wanted to continue down this path or if i would like to go back to the old path. I chose the new path and as I began to walk towards my destination, a small path reared to the left. I was encouraged not to take the tiny path, but to continue down the path that led me to my destination, the goals I wanted to achieve and so I continued to walk down the main path.
         This is where my meditation ends and my new life begins. To stay upon our destined path takes discipline and control, but now that I have a clearer picture of the importance of destinations, I now have clarity to achieve many of these goals
       

Another Step Out Of The Rabbit Hole

I have realized that some of most deepest and profound moments come in our darkest hour. This dark moment began last night. At the time I didn't know the origin. I should have been in 7th heaven but after a moment of peace and joy, everything began to fall apart once again. I started feeling off. Soon after I became overwhelmed, and then depressed. The depression stayed with me thoughout the day and I couldn't understand why.
  My goal was to open my circle this night and bawl my eyes out. So much sadness and pain within needing to be released. So I opened my circle. I tried connecting with the Divine. It took some time but I finally was able to open my spirit enough to let some of the light in. The Divine must have known my struggles for I was asked to face the candle of the east after connecting to the candle before me. I turned to the right and associated that candle with the earth and all of it's inhabitants. I was asked to connect to all of the energies of the earth, to include the elements, the plants and creatures and human. This came quite easily and flowed so easily. I stayed there for several minutes connecting the energy of the divine, my spirit or higher self and the energies of the earth.
   When I was finished there was a gold cord that connected from the divine to the earth. All the energies became one. I was asked to move to the candle of the self. This candle represented myself. The human, the soul, the physical body and all that is within me. I sat there quietly for some time, afraid to connect. There was a part of me that was reluntant to do so, but finally it was like my spirit took over me and as I connected and healed the energy of the earth, I connected and began to heal myself. I looked up and saw myself in spirit. So beautiful, filled with love and compassion, beauty, stregnth and power. We begin to merge as one. I realized then that the block was not the energy without, but within. The need I sought was healing within. I didn't realize how much healing I needed. So my spirit began to heal my soul. The energy connected and I began to feel whole and complete. My biggest area of healing is fear. I will be needing to spend more time healing myself. The Divine then asked me if I noticed which order I placed the candles. Their candle first, then the candle of the earth, and then the candle of me, which I was reluctant to even face. I have spent so much time and energy healing so many people, that I often seek a quick fix for myself. Yet I have never took the time to heal myself. So I was asked to switch the candles. It was time to place myself next for if I am whole and complete, if I am healed, then I will have the strength the heal the earth, the people that I am called to heal and the world around me.
   The cord then began to connect to the last candle, the candle of the west. The last candle forms a perfect circle. The circle represents a full circle and connection. I was shown the energy of that connection of all things. The energy began to mesh as one and I finally began to understand how it is supposed to be. The cord circled around the last candle and merged with the first candle, creating a perfect circle.
    It's difficult to understand the depth of this knowledge, but for someone like me, I have to feel it, experience it. I look forward to this path of healing. I will be doing this ritual for the next few nights with the hopes that the healing with continue to help me see my true self.

The View of the Hanged Man

If you have ever played with a tarot deck, one of the most well known is the hanged man. This card is interesting and when I pull this card, I always have the urge to turn him around because he is upside-down. So I turned him rightside-up and for me that seemed like this is how the picture should be. But when looking at him, noone put him in the upside-down position but himself. Meaning he chooses to be the wrong way. But the wrong way is not the wrong way for the hanged man, ,for him, this is how he views the world because to him, upside=down is right side-up and rightside-up is upside-down.
  This simple knowledge has helped me to understand that just because the world says that I should be like them, rightside-up, doesn't mean that mean that rightside-up is right for me. This is a big lesson because I am constantly trying to find inner truth from outside sources. But this often leads me feeling more confused and defeated because their ways often don't work for me. So I find my own way of doing it and it fits so perfectly. We must each find our own paths, even if it means you are upside-down or sideways with the rest of the world. For you, when you follow the path of the soul, the path within, you will always be rightside-up.

Today has been an interesting day. One filled with so much spiritual knowledge and so much.. words can't even describe this so I will do the best that I can.
   I guess it started off as a typical day. We went thrift store shopping, being that I have been a real stickler for paying full price for anything,lol. Most of this has to do with having 3 children, well two smaller children, being that my oldest is grown now and doesn't ruin anything anymore, plus a dog and 2 cats. I learned the hard way that it;s just not worth it. Being broke most of my life and having juice stains and paw prints on even the old stuff, makes me feel blessed that I have saved the extra money. So we spent the day shopping through different stores. I was in the fitting room and heard a male voice behind me. This is nothing new to me since paranormal activity has become normal to al of us now. So I politely , ok maybe not that politely, asked him for some privacy and he left. Sheesh, just because they can float through doors and walls doesn't mean they should! They need to make up some rules and morals for these spirits,lol.
    So they continued on and I logged into my work site. I felt drawn to a particular psychic who was new. Immedietly I picked up on and older male and sure enough, the girl she was reading, her father passed away.
I went into another room, and before the lady said anything about what happend to her child, I picked up on a child spirit and knew that he had passed away. This was confirmed about 5 minutes later. This is only the most recent of the activity that has been going on here.
    I know that I have been pushing back my responsibilites as a medium, but after years of running away from this gift you would think that the spirits would quite coming, but they don't. I can feel their desperation for help, yet I have been pushing them away. Not helping them. I'm still trying to figure out why I do this. For they to are human, just because they no longer have a body, the spirit still remains, and when they haven't crossed over yet, then they are still bound here by the things that keep them here, sadness, revenge, lack of closure, fear. All that they have left this realm with, they continue to carry this cross in the afterlife. It's sad really, for the darkness can get pretty damn dark.
    Mediums are a beacon of light to them and when they see this light, they are drawn to it. The come not because they have to, but because the desire to heal is there, yet they are unable to do it themselves. Many mediums have their bag of tricks and their gifts that they have spent a lifetime developing in order to help them to cross over. I've watched many of them, read the books and have done the traditional ways except for the ouigia board. I know this to be dangerous and a portal, anything can come through really. I even took notes and tried to mimic the way of Jennifer Love Huitte, but nothing seemed to fit. I accepted my gift in this area a few months ago, so that couldn't be the block.
     My husband and I went to dinner tonight and on the way I saw the most spectacular scene, lightning around the full moon. I felt so strong, so connected and so grounded. I have never felt so charged yet so grounded all in the same moment. So when we went to dinner, the romantic evening we had planned on having kind of went to the wayside when Red Lobster decided to charge me a whole lot of money for a tiny bit of food, the loud chaotic noises of the busy restraunt and the pounding on the wall next to our booth. I was a bit dishearted and tried to get over it in order to not ruin the whole evening. After dinner we finally left, and I gotta say, I couldn't wait. It felt so good being in the quiet car and enjoying a peaceful ride home.
      We started talking about my mediumship and how I have been avoiding the spirit realm alot lately. Intentionally putting up the blinders or simply sending them away. I started talking about the same thing as mentioned above, using Ghost Whisperer as a training ground and how all of the other pyschics do it. How I feel so inexperienced in this are and so inferior. Not that I am trying to be prideful or that I really care how others look at me in this area, it goes way beyond pride. It's more of having the desire to help but not really knowing how. Then it dawned on. And how I haven't figured this out before, that I never do what other people do, why should this be any different? But I thought back to the last couple of spirits that came to me, the ones I DID help. There was no convincing them to cross over because of all the horrible things that would happen if they don't, no internet research or trying to give messages to other people. No blowing them off and trying to bend them to my will. No, my experience was quite different. The came to me and I simply listened.
      The female remember quite clearly. She came to me very upset and afraid, like in a panic. There was so much confusion and chaos around her. I listened to her patiently for a short time and suddenly the energy changed. I asked if she saw the light. She said yes. And everything that she was feeling a few moments before was completely gone. There was so much peace at that very moment and somehow I knew she was ready.  She asked if it was safe and what lye beyond. I told her that I wasn't sure what lye beyond for her but I knew that that was where she was supposed to go and that she would be ok there. And just like that she walked right through. This happened a few times, and I had to stop and think about it, step by step. I still can't explain what exactly what happened to either one of them. All I know is that there seemed to be some weird energy transformation that happened quite quickly and then they were gone. I don't know how they healed so quickly, but they did. It's weird, especially after seeing how all of the other psychics did it. The only think I can think of is maybe the light within me that they are attracted to, maybe this light is projected onto them and they are finally able to feel peace.
     This brought me to second "aha moment" ...connection and the depth of it. The light comes from heaven or from , for me , God. Because I follow God, Christ and the Holy Spirit, their light lives within me. And when that light is projected then they can see this light, feel it's peace and at that moment, all of the old fades away and they are able to feel the light, love and peace of God.
      For all of those who choose to walk in the light and to have that connection with the Divine, the light resides within them. And that light spreads to others, in my case, the spirit realm. So God's light through me, healed them without any real words spoken. It's so simple, yet so profound to see the miracles of the Divine even in the spirit realm. I am now looking at this is a different light and am beginning to understand who profound our connections truly are.
      Tonight I connected to the storm and the full moon and it fulfilled me. In the past, I connected with the Divine and be filled with his light, which in turn was shared with another of his creations and it saved them, al through connection. Our connections to the higher source and to one another is what it is all about. As a medium, this is the greatest tool in our toolboxes. Sure there will be those who come to snuff out the light, but because we have an unlimited and constant connection with the Divine, that light can never fade unless we break the connection. To live life to the fullest, learn to connect to all things around you .Soul to soul to soul. The eternal circle of energy. This is what it's all about. Wholeness through connection.  I wish I could describe how deep this is, but the only way to understand is to experience it yourself.
     It's funny how the universe works. The next time you need healing, ask the Divine for his perfect white light. When it is given to you, allow this light to fill the soul. You will begin to notice a change not only in yourself, but take note of the people around you it effects. This is connection It's quite remarkable what you will see.
      

Have We Missed The Point?

    It's kind of funny, being raised in the christian faith and having my mother and all the church people talk about heaven as if it were some Utopia in the sky somewhere. A reward for all of our hard work on this planet and having to endure all of lives troubles and heartache.
I have never really felt all that connected to heaven or what will lye ahead when I die. In fact, maybe some of my fears revolving around death have alot to do with this lack of connection to something greater then here.
    I have spent a lifetime trying to capture this feeling, a few precious moments of pure connection. Though there is much pain on this planet, there is also so much beauty. Moments of love with another person, moments of solitude and spiritual bliss, the connection that pains brings us in order to bring forth our greatest qualities, stregnth, endurance, and peace.
    I notice so many people talking about leaving this planet for good. Almost like they will be able to leave all this pain behind and live in some heavenly bliss up in the clouds where everything is "perfect". A place where we will be handed grand mansions and every delicious fruit ever exsisted. Where we will live for all eternity in loves embrace and never will a tear be shed again.
    Sure, it sounds great on the surface. But I notice how quickly people are ready to leave this world behind. Look at where this world was 5 thousand years ago, then look at us now. We were handed a beautiful paradise that provided for all that we need, on all levels of our exsistance. Now that mankind has destroyed it, we want to leave and start over? Why would the creator of the universe give us a new paradise, if we can't take care of what he has already given us? What if the point is not to whisp us away to some new paradise? What if that new paradise has already been given to us and it is here?
    Jesus said that the kingdom of God is within, which means it is already here. What if we are wrong and it is not some place up in the sky a million lightyears away? What if this is our heaven and hell and we are not given another place to rest?
    Or what if the prophets are correct and we are given a new heaven, a new place? The theory is that we will be changed, transformed, however, we were already given domain of this earth. Will we be stripped of our free? Because this is what would have to happen in prder to create this sacred Utopia. If it wasn't done before , why would it be done later?
    My point is not to strip people of their hopes of a better world, but maybe the better world that is to come is the world we presently live in. If we are running from one of the greateast paradises that the Divine could give , if we are always searching for something greater and never stop to see what we do have, how on this earth or in heaven are we going to appreciate "heaven"? We won't.
     I'm beginning to realize that heaven and hell both co-exsist within us. One is connection to the divine and all the things that represent that. Hell is the opposite, seperation from the divine all that represent it. If the kingdom of heaven is within, that means the kingdom of heaven is not up in the cosmos, it is here, the place we exsist in the here and now. With this theory, we may not get another paradise, we may have to go on what we already do have. And if there is going to be change, we are the ones who will have to step up to the plate and make those changes, not just for us, but the future generations.
    Maybe we lost the whole point of our exsistance. Maybe we have lost site of the treasures that have already been given to us because we are constantly searching for more. Reading this in a blog post may sound absurd, but look at the people who you love the most, your pets, your friends. What about the beauty within the sound of the waves, the cool breeze on a hot summer day,, the beauty of the moon as it turns huge and orange. When we will ever stop looking for the golden cup and realize how sacred the tin cup in front of us really is? When will we realize that when we are crying out for courage, that the pain within is the gift of courage?
    This is just food for thought, things running around in my own head and needed to be released.