Storm Clouds

My darkest moments are those that you are so far away.
Hell is the coldness I feel when you are only a few feet from me.
I have lived so much, yet the lessons I never seem to learn. The darkness seems to consume my light. At this moment I feel dead inside. I'm coming to the realization that this darkness will always be here. I'm not sure if it comes from within or without, not even sure it matters anymore. I just know that is always here. The root of my soul is pain, it's something I have fought my entire life, something I can't seem to accept, yet it is the source of my power.
Love is pain, I'm beginning to understand that now. It's the rawest emotion we will ever feel. You can't hide from it, you can't run. It forces you to look at the truth of the matter, no matter how bad we try to bury it. It 's rooted in love, because if we didn't love, it wouldn't hurt so bad. Our minds will tell us it doesn't exsist, but the void within reminds us that it is still there.
God I just want to hold you right now, but your rejection would kill me. So I will just sit here and pray the storm ends quickly. 

Changes

My sister left yesterday morning to go back to Germany, my brother left Wednsday, things have been so quiet since. I find myself missing them already. I knew change was on the horizon. I knew the end of another chapter of my life would end, and them coming would make the era of a new beginning. The last three weeks came and went so fast. I didn't think our wedding would happen, but it did, on Tuesday. So much, so quick and then they are gone.
I don't really know how I feel. I'm sad because they are gone, but I know more change is coming. I know that a new beginning is here, but at the moment, I'm on this new path, kind of just standing here wondering where it will take us. I don't want to say this is a crossroads, because there is only one path before me. I feel confident, and something within me knows something great is about to happen. I feel peace for the first time in a long time, and I feel more complete. I know within my heart what I must do, what I will be doing. I see it before me.
I've always wanted to be an author. I have decided this morning to go back to writing. I have also decided to go back to doing readings. For the longest time I have felt numb, but the last two days the spiritual energy has been so strong. I can't ignore it. I know I must write again. I know I must do readings again. I know where I left off at the end of last month, isn't the path I am supposed to be on. I wish I had more time before going back to work. I'm afraid things will go back to where they were. They are not meant to,though, I know this.
Yesterday morning, when my sister and her family left, I felt a void within. It felt empty. I still feel it today, but it made things clearer for me. For many years I have been afraid. I'm not afraid anymore. That is what changed. That knowing within. I know what I must do and I know that I will succeed. These things within, I couldn't see it before, but somehow I have gained clarity when they left. To focus on the important things in life. To remember the soul. Yesterday I cried when she left. I didn't want to feel it, but I felt it and when I did, a wall came down. I know now they were meant to come. I still don't know the reason, not all of it, but I knew it would be life changing. It is already starting with my brother and I. Making us see things we could not really see before.
Today I am switching my alter out. I want to create a sacred space that is actually sacred. I haven't felt connected to my alter since we moved to Arizona. I knew it was a loaner until I got my old one back, so today I am going to set it back up again. We have had so much thrown at us the last few months, but something changed within me this last week on a really huge scale. That is why I know the path before me is already set. There is no going back now because within my soul I already made the choice.

Just need guidance:

Take back your power- things feel out of control, it's time to ground yourself and take back that power. There is something more hidden that you do not see, ask to see the truth of the matter. Focus some energy on seeing through the veil.

 I did a min-meditation. The voice showed me two things. On thing I don't want and who I am not and another of who I am and what I desire. And then I heard her say that I already chose and somehow I managed to choose wrong. I chose what I don't want but will likely become because I am to afraid to choose what I desire. I'm banking on my husband going back to work and it looks like it will take more time, so my dreams slip away. I need that comfort zone, that safety net, yet the passion card demands that I follow it. but because I am choosing to depend on him, nothing will change until he get's where he needs to go.

I hear the voice that say's "your gifts"
spiritual understanding and claicognizance or clear knowing. I may not know what to do but I do know that this isn't right. The way our lives are now. This is not what I'm destined for, it's not what I am supposed to do. The universe is giving me a little extra time, but I'm being warned that time is running out. I will loose my job soon because I am not meant to be there. I know this, I can feel it. I must prepare now before it is to late. I wait, but soon my time of waiting will be over and he will not be where he is supposed to be because he needs me to transition before he does. I know his job will not be to close by. he will need the car. I feel the time will be after christmas. christmas will be fine.
It makes you feel good that they need you right now, but those who do not know this will not see this. This will be the end. (work wise) You do not find fulfillment, not real fulfillment. Focus that energy where it is needed.

I feel you calling me. My soul longs to be near you. When will I ever realize that I am not alone? The winds whisper to me, calling me to come back. I feel you. My soul longing only to be free, to fly. I dance in your essence, becoming one with your energy. The magick surrounds me, healing my soul. Why have I turned my back on you, by doing so I have forsaken myself. I am in you and you in me. We are one. We are mystical. We are magickal. We are powerful. We are ancient, sacred.

Message of the Phoenix

I just had a reading today. It was kind of a reality check for me and chucking my responsibility aside. This has been an on-going struggle for me. I asked the psychic if there any spirits around me. He is used to dealing with crossed over spirits, so I know this one was uncomfortable. He picked up on the angelic energy, which he also doesn't work alot with. Michael is a protective angel I work alot with and was encouraged to work with him more. This makes sense because of the layers of protection i use. I have been feeling to get more connected to Angels. I have been wanting to get more connected to the spiritual realm, but I just haven't. I can make u every excuse in the book, but the reality is there is a art of me that stopped caring but I don't know why. I feel defeated, I question whether this is all real or some made up fantasy in my head. It's so real yet seems so unreal. I KNEW she was here. I could feel her. I knew she was young and I KNEW she was wondering why I wouldn't help her. The psychic validated it all. It was funny because I asked him what she wanted and I already knew what he would say. I had to chuckle, but it really hit home because I knew, I knew I knew and yet there is still a small art f me that this is crazy.

When did I stop caring? Why did I stop caring? I wear so many damn hats, and things are just so damn complicated. It's not that I lost site of my physical priorities, I just laced them on the front burner, and put everything else aside. My family has to eat. We need a roof over our heads. And I know this is a HUGE source of my apathy. Going to work everyday while someone else stays home and takes care of my kids. We've switched roles and there is a huge part of me that is pissed. I know it sounds stupid, but I can't hel the way I feel. I have this huge responsibility of financially,emotionally,mentally and spiritually, for a family of 5, not including the dog and cats, and I'm failing miserably. Then I am also given this huge spiritual responsibility to send these souls to the light to cross over. I don't even have the time and energy to actually help them. I'm burnt out. But that's not even the biggest problem, the biggest problem is that I'm depressed because I know I'm failing miserably and most of all I am so angry at myself for not being strong enough to deal with it. And that is the core of the issue. Getting out of my own self and gathering enough strength to take care of it all.

I've lost all faith in myself. I have no idea how I got here and I have no idea how to get out of it. I constantly feel like I am treading water, and then I allow myself to sink, and then I rise again. Kind of like the phoenix. Which has been a symbol I have been seeing lately as well. I really should pay more attention. I'm beginning to see the symbolism now. The birds flying right in front of my windshield, we live in phoenix, death and rebirth,setting fire to the rain. The phoenix represents death and rebirth. Fire overcoming water. Resurrection. Immortal.

The message of the Phoenix for me is to rise again and starting now, so I shall!

The Mystic Within

Posted by Mystic Angel January 14 - # 

Before reading this, please understand that this is not a tell-all for everyone. This is merely my own journey and realizations for my own path and may hold no significance to the rest of the world. Another chapter in my own journey, if you will.

I've been taking a little time to examine what a Mystic really means to me. Realization often comes in layers. I often see it, feel it, yet understanding is a journey in of itself. Yesterday I was driving to work and again thinking about my life purpose. I understood that I came back to this planet for love, to find the other half of my soul. I also came back, so I thought for a specific reason, to help people. Yet I have no vision, so what does that really mean? Then I thought, was is a Mystic? I came up with the term " one who walks their own path". I always assumed it meant finding one's way to getting closer to their Divine. Not even "enlightenment" which I also determined that all that means is a state of realization, and even that runs in layers. I like to call it the "aha moments" for though I hear it or even know it, I often don't understand the profound meaning of it.
I've been on this spiritual journey my entire life. I have gone through hills and valleys searching for understanding of it all. It's not to often that I often reflect upon it all, the greater picture. Most of the time I cannot see that far. I've accepted that fact that I will not ever see all or even know all. But for this stage in my life, at this moment it feels important for me to understand who they Mystic within me really is. Am I some spiritual guru who's been called to be the next modern day prophet? Highly doubtful:) In fact, though I have some pretty out there views on things, and definitely not the part of the popular belief system, it makes perfect sense. It's like the puzzle is finally coming together and I think I'm finally starting to get it.
I've been trained sense childhood that the spirit is a completely separate component of our human selves, in fact, though it is a part of us, it's almost like it's ow person. It's the thing that makes us connected to our "higher self" . Somewhere along the way everything seems disconnected, though somewhere inside I know they all work together. I've been wanting to re-connect with the fire I once had in my spirituality, yet I don't feel so spiritual. I feel spiritually lost, in a sense, even though I feel more "enlightened" then ever :) Again, the paradox. So I've been looking at spiritual things, forums, magick, prayers, healing meditation and understanding that life doesn't give me nearly enough time to take care of everything. So lately I have planing some of that to the side and I have been spending more time with my family. I have been more involved and dedicated to work in order to get a promotion I don't really want so we can afford to live and simply pay bills, and move closer to my mother in-law sense she now has cancer. At this time in my life, this is my purpose which leaves little time for spiritual endeavors and is quite depressing. It goes completely against the vision I saw.What kind of Mystic lives a life without mysticism? How can a Mystic be a Mystic is they have no time to connect spiritually? No time to meditate? No time to clear the mind long enough to accomplish anything?
So back to yesterday. As all this crap piles up in my head, I was thinking about my family. LIt was a good day and I even left early so we could spend time together. It turned into a nightmare and the entire night was shot. Today I saw the topic and as I was writing I realized that I have had phases in my life that focused on finding spirit, I've had phases that focused on finding my soulmate, I've had times where there was compassion, times of plenty and times of feminine. Times where I could clearly see magick and life walk hand in hand for some seriously miraculous things manifest. The veil between spirit and the world soon vegan to lift and I vegan to see the spirituality in all things. And then it dawned on me this morning, my journey is not to find God, for God is always with me, my journey is to understand this life, this world around me, on every level possible. I am already to connected to spirit, it was a birthright, but understanding it and still seeing it in this world. Understanding that spirit doesn't go away, it is always with me, it is who I am regardless of what happens around me. I've always looked for God in spirit, yet rarely seen him in this world. I'm beginning to understand that this world is the physical manifestation of him. It's not about religion or even beliefs, for these things change, but when we see through the eyes of the soul, we see everything. I'm not meant to escape my humanity, I'm meant embrace it. We all are. I know understand why the phrase I often use, "To know God, you must know thyself".
I was always taught that embracing humanity, embracing my human self was wrong, sinful, something God didn't like. I'm beginning to understand that God created this humanity within us. To truly walk the path of a Mystic, one must truly decide to walk the path of self. I had to see God in all things before I could see God.
When I was a kid, I was afraid of God, yet I wanted to feel him, and I felt the pain and anguish of a lost soul, one no longer alive. I felt the comfort of an angel. I felt what it was like to be alive and I felt what it was like to be dead.  When I got older, I wanted to know his love. I went through a few really bad relationships and still desired to find real love. Through the people who I would learn hate from, I was given the most sacred gift, a family.
I wanted to see God. I saw the spray of the ocean and felt it's power. I saw death and destruction and people coming together to help pick up the pieces. I saw a murdered child and still saw love and forgiveness in his eyes before he departed.
I see it now. I finally get it. God is everything and everywhere. The ability to see the Divine in all things, mental, emotional, physically, within myself and within everything around me. I don't have to connect and disconnect if I can see the Divine in all things. Sermons, crosses, pent's, churches, all of it, these are merely tools to help us on our journey. Tools made for those who need it, but not meant for all. Everything I have seen, everything I have learned, everything i have ever felt came from this world around me. This planet , this physical world is merely one realm of many yet it's all centered around it. I've been walking through the veils to get to different places, yet they are all right here, together, working as one.
There is so much life within death and so much death within life, but in order to live in the light we must first be able to see it, in both life and death. I always knew that not much changed as the body passes, but the journey of this life is the point.
So again I say, If you really want to know God, you must first know yourself. The closer you get to who you are, the closer you get to the Divine.

Another Step

  Looks like Friday is the day I go back on Oranum. On one hand I'm kind of excited, but on the other hand I also suffer from a serious case of stagefright. It's important that I go back for my family and for those I can help online. It's hard to separate help from business. It's hard not to look at it as a job when I charge people. Unlike many of the other psychic's there, I refuse to charge a ridiculous amount. I've set limits to this. I won't beg people to go into private chat. I help however I can within the parameters I am giving. There are so many people out there that need help, they can't afford $3.00 a minute. I wish I could afford to do it for free.
  So much has changed though. We all struggle to find peace in the midst of this chaos, myself included. I struggle everyday. I struggle with fear. I struggle with financial stress. I struggle with the unknown and that which is known. I struggle alot with my faith.

We had an assignment a few days ago with the FIND ME group. (For the record, we do NOT charge) It was a case that involved a missing girl. She had been missing for over thirty years. No trace of her. One moment she was right there and the next, just gone. The missing children's cases are always the hardest, yet the most rewarding. Usually if I feel them in spirit, they rarely understand what has happened to them. They are usually filled with so much forgiveness or just in their own little beautiful worlds. And that is what makes this gift a gift, to be able to share that with them. But then I tap into the families who are left behind to wonder what happened to them. Most of them will never be able to move forward in life. They always are lost inside of their own grief, struggling each day to hold on to just one little spark of hope yet afraid for the answers to finally come, if they ever do.

These moments often put me back into perspective and remind me what I do have. It's not much but I have three beautiful, healthy children who are safe at home. Each night I get to kiss them good-night, each day I can tell them I love them. And though it's a struggle to take care of them, trying to balance all of their needs, I would rather have that struggle then to never have that struggle again.

Sometimes I think back to my younger years and what I put my parents through. l ran away from home....alot. Sometimes weeks at a time. My parents were angry, but they were also petrified. Having to come home and your child never coming home that night. Not knowing where they are at and wondering if you will ever see them again. As a parent now, I couldn't imagine being in that position. As an Empath, I know because I feel it everytime I do these readings.

God will take care of us, just as he will take care of the children who don't make it home. Sometimes I wonder if I believe this, but in the core of my being I know this. He will never give up on us and I can't give up either. They depend on me to be strong, emotional, spiritually and physically strong. For my family, they need me. As a collective, they need all of us to never give up hope on finding them and bringing them home.

I just have to remember this. I'm a pretty slow learner. I just have to take it one day at a time. One step at a time. Some steps will be a sprint across an open field other steps will be like treading through quick sand. But no matter easy or how difficult each step is, the point is that we took just one more step and we are one step closer to wherever life takes us.

Breathe of Life

    Lately I have been doing alot of soul searching, trying to find that missing piece in my soul. My journey for spirituality has been long and cold. So many battles, so many wounds, so many questions and so many dead-ends. My journey for answers have recently left me stripped of all belief. I had to loose to myself in order to find myself .I had to break free from what I was trained to believe and to follow my own heart to God. For most of my life I searched for spiritual truth and have lost the greatest gift of all...belief.
    I was driving to work this morning and the sun was rising above the mountains ahead and I felt something. I'm not sure I can describe it, but I remembered that feeling when I was 8. It was the day my parents and I moved to Louisiana. It was early morning and they had come to my school. The sun was rising above the mountains and I felt this powerful light, mystical energy and I knew that there was more out there then this planet. Something greater, stronger. I connected to an energy that was so powerful and beautiful that there there was no doubt in my mind about anything. I didn't know what exactly I knew, I just knew that at that moment I was....there. I was no longer in this world of stone, I was wrapped in the energy of pure light. It was so beautiful, so peaceful, and magickal, it felt as if anything and everything was possible, and I knew that it was.
     On my way to work, I felt it and I remembered. When I was young I believed and I believed because I felt it with every part of my being. It's ironic how I have come full circle and I had more knowledge and wisdom as a child. I didn't need answers, I just felt it, embraced it and I knew everything I ever needed to know. I didn't need to consciously know, I just needed to feel it. Angels were looking down on me that day and God smiled upon me. For a brief moment I truly experienced heaven. And I felt it again today, but more important I remembered. And I felt that same energy surge through my entire being. I didn't need to think about it, I just needed to embrace it and so I did, for that brief moment.
       I've spent so much time walking the veils of the dead, I truly forgot what it was like to walk among the living. I knew I needed to walk alone in the dark, to learn and to grow, and to understand where I came from. I was born the in the realm of Angels, I think we all are and when we come down here we forget where we came from. The veil is so thin and the connection is right at our finger tips all we have to do is reach for it. I used to think I was cursed as if God had turned his back on me, but remembering that memory and experiencing it yet again, I was watched over, protected, ....loved. I don't know why I stopped believing, all I know is that I did and finding out why really doesn't seem to matter anymore because now I know that his Divine light is always there and it's real.
      Mysticism isn't about finding answers to the unexplained, it's experiencing it, embracing it and walking with it no matter where it leads. I can't explain and after searching for logical answers, I don't want to explain it because it takes the mystery and magick out of it until not even belief exists. When we loose that belief , we loose ourselves and the soul begins to die. And I think that is why I came back. I don't want to tell people how to live their lives, I want to help guide them through the veil into Divine light and to remind them where we come from, and to embrace the power we possess inside. Life, not life of the body, life of the soul.
      

Back to Avalon

So I've asked for help. On this post I will share my journey. I call this a writing meditation.

She whispers to me " Come, come and take my hand, travel with me through this sacred land
The land lied beyond the soul "
  We cross through the vail and there is a large green valley before me surrounded by tall mountains. I often come here as it brings forth so much peace. The sun is rising from behind the top as shimmering lights surround me.
    " A new dawn is upon us. Upon you, What will it bring? "
    " I don't know" I say. " Likely the same thing that it always brings just another day."
    "what would you like it to bring?"
    " I'm not sure. To much thinking  makes my brain hurt."
    " That is because you are following the mind. Follow the soul." She say's to me.
    " At this moment all I want to do is to keep walking towards that light. It calls to me. I do not know what it brings, I just know that it is meant for me. To heal me."
    " Then that is what you must do."
    " I'm afraid of it. I'm afraid that if I walk to that light, that I will not awaken. I'm afraid it will take my soul to the summerlands."
    " That is a different type of light. However, the fear is the same. Are you afraid to heal? "
    " I'm afraid of being afraid. I'm afraid of loosing myself. Yet there is a part of me that wants to be lost and to stay lost."
    " Then you are not ready? "
    " I just heard a sound right next to me. We're not alone. It does not feel of the light, but I can't see it"
    " Is this what is stopping you?"
    " It is what makes me afraid."
    " Are you afraid of your gift?"
    " yes".
    " what are you afraid of?"
    " I'm afraid of it consuming me. I'm afraid of not being able to control it. If I loose myself in it, what is I stay lost?"
    " Isn't that what you wanted, to stay lost?"
    " Only part of me. "
    " And why do you desire this?"
    " because the beauty is that solitude is peaceful. but the nightmares are worse."
    " There is both?"
    " yes, I see both, I live both. If my dreams become reality, so do my nightmares. I am not given one side but must experience both."
     " So what do you think you will experience with the light?"
     " peace that comes through death"
     " So you are afraid of death?"
     " Are you ready to live?"
     " yes, but I am not ready to die. And one always comes with the other. It's not always a physical death, it could also be a spiritual death."
     " But aren't you there now? Isn't that why you are here?"
     " Yes. "
     " So now that you have already experienced spiritual death wouldn't this light bring spiritual life? "
     " yes, that would make sense."
  The dawn has arrived as the light envelopes me. Washes me clean. I am surrounded by Divine peace and love. I do not feel worthy. There is still a part of me that is afraid. She tells me to let go, to let go of the fear. I rise above the ground, I am being carried. There is such a freedom up here. At this moment I an not afraid of falling. I should be but I am not. There is trust. I begin to grow wings and she sets me free. This freedom is so empowering. I feel like I can do anything.
    " when you rise above the things that chain you, all you will feel is freedom. Do you know why you feel so free?"
    "because my trust in my Divine was stronger then my fears. I trusted and was lifted up and carried until I could fly again on my own."
     "Now when you return will you be able to take that with you?"
     " I need to. I will. I don't really want go back just yet. When I do I feel so alone."
     " You are never alone. Come, take my hand as we travel to healing waters. Step under the waterfall and allow the blessed water to wash you clean."
     I can feel the water run down over me. It is cool.
     "let go" she tells me. And so I do. I can feel everything fall away. It's cleansing. I needed this. When it is finished, I stand back in the light and allow it to fill my soul. In this moment, in this sacred place anything is possible. I can feel it. I am empowered, I am powerful, I am clean and pure, I am strong. In this place I believe because I can feel the endless possibilities.
      " This place isn't very far. You carry it with you everywhere you go. All you have to do is keep the door open. Allow if to flow from behind the door. It's is mystical and it will always be mystical. Allowing it to flow into the physical world does not take the mystery away, it makes it more mystical, it makes it magickal. You are a Mystic, this will never change. Embrace this power from within for it is your power. It is both given and created. You are one. There is no separation. You are in the Divine and the Divine is within you always. It is the nature of all things. Hidden yet open. Hidden for only you can see it. Open for it envelopes every aspect of your life if you allow it to. Are you ready to return? "
       " Yes, for now I know where to find it. Everywhere."
       " Take this blessing with you." She blows shimmering powder on me. It is filled with love, peace and so many other things. Imagination, passion, healing, life.
   Thank you for your help. Thank you for your hope. Thank you for everything. I didn't get your name, I say to her. She smiles and disappears. No name is uttered. Truly my Guardian Angel. 
      

Last night was another rough night. I had another nightmare. I dreamt that my husband were going to bed and my son walks in. Next thing I know all the neighborhood kids were in our room. I started seeing shadows on the wall, orbs flying around and things moving. Suddenly the lights went out and I gathered all the kids together and instinctively I placed a protective shield around us. Inside the shield, the kids were in like a type of trance and i told them to place another shield around themselves individually. It was strange because I have never done that in a dream before. It almost felt like a conscious act. The spirit activity was getting insanely active as more obs shot across the room, shadows were everywhere, moving around, but they couldn't get to me or the kids. Another daughter walked in and said that one her friend's parents were in the living room. I went out to talk to them and they were dropping off both their daughter and son for a sleepover. I didn't want to take them. I already felt overwhelmed by all the kids already there and having to protect them. Next thing I know, there are several more kids there and I remember thinking that there was no way I would be able to protect them all. The shadows and obs were now chaotic in the living room and kitchen, yet the parents never even noticed. Some parents dumped their kids off at my house and left. The first set I saw sat in our living room and watched tv oblivious to everything going on. More and more kids kept coming. It was so out of control. I told my daughter to start sending this kids home. It was after 11:52 pm and the kids had school the next day. But more kept coming until the house was filled with neighbor kids. The more kids that that came, the worse the spiritual activity. finally I hear sirens outside and it is the fire department putting a fire out in my bedroom through the window. They told me that noone was hurt but none could leave because it was a criminal investigation. I woke up scared, searching for the shadows on my wall.
I have had spirit dreams in the past, this is nothing new, but they often leave me waking up terrified of the supernaural. I am proud that I was able to put the shield up in my dream. Spirit dreams for me often are about spirits trying to communicate. In this case, these were a combination of uncrossed spirits and lower realm entities. The activity has been building, and I have been meaning to cleanse, I guess this is my warning to do so soon!
I used to have lucid dreams when  was a kid. I wasn't able to control what I dreamt but I was able o control the dream itself, make conscious statements and action in a sub-conscous world. I thought i had lost that ability but I guess not.
I am wondering what the dream means. The only thing I can think of was earlier yesterday evening, I found out about the eclipse for today. I wanted to magickally embrace the energy to make some positive changes in my life. I also wanted to gain more psychic power being that I feel I have been in a rut. I was thinking about creating the ritual but figured I would simply ask. Ask and you shall receive. I think my desire opened that door for me, because in my dream, I could see them, all of them. Some it was through their actions, some orbs and some shadows. I never saw faces, but I could pin-point each one ,making it easier for me to get a sense of how many. I know there are some here, it's harder to pin-point them. I know I am not taking the proper time to read the energies. My conscious mind seems so cluttred with work and day to day stuff that anything lately seems almost impossible to tap into.
It's like i go to work and there are people around me all day. Everything is always so loud. Background noise, alot of activity, people talking, yelling, and everything else under the sun. I channel this energy into doing my job in front of me trying to block the rest of the stuff going on around me. But i still lack stillness. When I get home, my husband wants to talk, the kids want to hang out, tv's going, internet going and no matter what I do i just can't seem to get any quiet time alone. I don't blame anyone for this, but I know it strongly contributes to my block. I guess I depend on these dreams more then I realize.
My day's off are always the hardest. I usually have to much time to think about my life and how it's not where I feel it should be. I hate Arizona, I always have. I hate only having two seasons. I hate never having any money to go out and do things that I want to do. I feel trapped. We all do. I don't have any real direction in my life. I feel that there is a purpose with the gifts I have, but it doesn't bring us any financial gain. Not that I expect payment from the supernatural world, but it's hard to put the time and energy into my calling when I don't have hardly any left at the end of the day. The days seems to run in together and I feel that we are never moving forward. I know my husband feels the same. With his back, we just need him healed. It's that simple. It's so hard to balance everything.
So,back to the dream, what does it mean? Well, there are a whole lot of children and parents who don't seem to give a crap in our neighborhood. Their kids are always coming to our house to play with our kids. I bring them in when they are locked out of their house so they can call their parents. If they are not home, I let them hang out until their parents gets home. It bother's me though. I was kind of latch key kid myself, but I was always able to get in the house. And I was older, middle school. Some of these kids are like 8. So I understand the kids part and needing them to protect them. i also understand that the shadows and stuff could represent apathetic parents. So the theme, I got. But the energy I don't. It was fear. Fear of the spirits.

Time

In just one tiny moment your entire life change. I used to hate those tiny precious moments because I wanted to hold on to them forever. The pain of simply loosing that moment, my soul grieves. No matter how long I could hold on to that moment, the moment would just naturally pass, gone. Even though we carry that moment in our heats, it's just not the same when it's gone. Waiting so hard for that one tiny precious moment in time, spending years on blood,sweat and tears, just for moment to come and then pass so quickly. I used to think that all that work simply wasn't worth it, that the grief was to much to handle when it was gone, but it's those tiny little moments that we hold so close to our hearts, that move us deep inside. That one tiny moment when we realize how precious time really is.

We travel the path of time the moment we are born, yet I have also traveled the path where time ceases to exist.  It's in this place where I am all and all is me. This is the place where power is at it's highest for this is the place I am most connected.  This is the place where I reach your soul and I am whole, yet even the absence of time also ends therefore is also slave to time, for though those moments last as long as I like, they still end. But one critical thing is missing, the ability to touch and feel, the ability taste, the ability to make love, though it can be felt in spirit, it can never replace the caress of gentle hand across your face, the wetness of tears on your fingertips, the softness of a newborn. I know there is something within this I am meant to to learn. I know that all of these are connected, yet I haven't realized yet what or even how. So much power in spirit, yet it lacks the glue that binds life. It's not meant to be done independently, it's meant to be worked together, it's meant to be experienced together. Both good and bad, pain and ecstasty. It's a gift that the spirit world is void of, yet understands better then we ever will. I think I have always known this. I often live for a moment, moments I would spend a lifetime waiting to experience.

I've grieved death since childhood, because I somehow knew that to die, I would loose this gift. I would loose my ability to not only feel the depths of love, but to express it. I've listened to many spirits tell their stories, yet their message is always the same, appreciation for the physical world.

This where things get blurred for me. It's hard to experience life to it's fullest potential when we are bound by our physical needs and the inability to sustain that. I guess this is the price we must pay. We become numb, shut-off from one another, and maybe that is the point, learning to connect regardless of the situation we are in. To appreciate those things that we  hold so close to our hearts, helping us figure out what matters most. Finding our own reason for life. I know I came back for love, to find love. The kind of love that reaches to the core yet I found alot of pain. I am learning that pain is indeed a part of love, and for me, this pain is essential in order to not only find what it is I am seeking, but to keep it. Love is my purpose. Not just romantic love, but pure love, love that last beyond time and space. Love is the core of life. Love is the key. Happy love, sad love.
 I have to remember what I am fighting for. It doesn't end here. I'm not done. It's what pushes me. So when did I stop opening my heart? More important..why? Because I felt like noone saw me. I started feeling like the world's dumping ground, like noone cared about me and a part of me stopped caring about myself.

But the look in their eyes, that instant trust, knowing that I would not hurt them, that one moment, and knowing that it was me they choose. It's like handing over your most precious thing, the one thing that noone else knows and yet, you, this total stranger , they hand it over to you without a second thought. It's these moments that I live for. That moment in time. And at that moment, nothing else matters. I've become selfish. I wanted someone to wipe my tears, to feel my pain, but noone did and I became angry. I didn't understand why everyone else was important but I wasn't. I didn't understand why God would send them to me but would send me noone. But he did, he sent me himself, the only one who could handle it.

Betrayal... When self is more important that someone else.
I don't get it, I just don't, I'm pissed, I'm hurt, I should have known. What I don't get is how some lame ass doctor get's what you don't.  Everything I do is for you, but I won't let any one treat me like that without coming back at them,  by throwing it back in their face, because for people like, that's the only way they will get it and he did, but you didn't and that's what hurts the most. I could have gotten over him being a dick, what I can't get over is you letting him. He pulls this shit on me and I'm supposed sit there and take it but God forbid I do the same exact thing and I'm the one looking like the asshole. It's not right. Once I told him that he did the same exact thing to me and he disrespected me first, he got it.  Then when I told him that I was there for you, then he really got it, because he realized that we were both there for one reason and one reason only....you! But you, you don't get that, the only thing you get is me being a bitch and he's the nice guy that got bullied by me.
He doesn't see your pain, you want him to see your pain, all he has to do it look at me. This anger is your pain, I'm merely a reflection of that.  I'm the one that this there when you are in pain, I'm the one doing healing on you or trying to comfort you when your down, everything you ask I do, but I won't allow anyone to treat me like shit , not even for you.
I would never allow someone to talk to you like, never. If I had to see a doctor, I would never let them blow your opinion off.
I don't know, I gotta go to work so I'll deal with this later,......

Where Are You?

Dear God,
Where are you? I can't see you , I can't feel you, I feel like I'm stuck in this dungeon all over again, falling further down the rabbit hole. How many times are we going to have to loose it all? I used to think it was because of my ex and his insanity, but it's been my entire life. It never stops, it never ends.

I can't do this. I'm in a situation where I have to financially support my family and I work my ass off, yet it's not enough. It's not enough so much that we are loosing our home! It's not actually our home, it's a rental, but you get the point. None of this makes any sense to me. I do healing, yet, for others it works like a charm, but for my husband...nothing! So now we have to depend on these quack doctors and everything they do just makes it worse! They have completely disabled him yet they tell him to get a job and blow us off, we're not their problem!  The whole plan to come down here was so we could work and afford to simply survive, and we would have been fine, but no, that would be to easy. 

I'm loosing faith in alot of things, and I'm beginning to think I truly am cursed. It's not the people in my life, it's me. And when our physical lives get thrown up-side down, so does the paranormal increase. I don't know what to do, I don't know what I can do. How can I help other people if I can't even help us? I'm called to be a minister, but at this moment, I can't even minister to the dead!

For some reason,while on a short break, it was like a veil lifted and I'm seeing things more clearly now. If I can I will explain more later, but it's starting to make sense, on a deeper level. Again, with the greater good. I can't take this personally, by doing so I'm defeating my purpose and we will fail. I see this now, and I won't allow my family to fail.

Premonitions

Sometimes having psychic abilities can really suck,especially when the prediction that is coming true is your own. I did a year forecast last October on Samhiem for this year. I predicted a move in August which is now coming to pass.I was hoping it would be a move up but deep down I knew it would because our financial ituation would be worse, which was also predicted. The cards showed a negative change in income
and hardship for a few months and then a move and sure as shit, everything has come to pass, just as I saw it.
The good news is that change will help us financially but will take a few months for us to see,so in this sense,I should be happy, but I feel like I'm being forced to walk through the fire once again. Nothing is ever balanced. It's like either our finances are ok, and something else is lacking, or our finances suck and have to leave a job I really like.The older I get, the harder it becomes. It almost feels like a life theme for a lesson I never seem to get.It's always the same thing, the same story, yet it  feels like I have no control, like I have no say in any of this. It's like in life your merely dealt a certain hand and the lesson is merely learning to deal with what you get. Just like the song say's, ,it's not getting what you want but wanting what you got.

I used to look at my premonitions as a curse, then when I started developing my abilities, I started seeing them as an opportunity, like a universal head's up to make changed before they happen, but no matter what I do, the scene always play's  out exactly as I see it and no amount of magic or praying or even pleading ever changes it. People say premonitions and predictions are subjective and change, but not once has that been the case for me. I'm beginning to feel that they are not subjective and do not change, but merely giving me  a little time to brace myself for the inevitable.

I guess the lesson here is to be careful what you ask for. You ask to see the future and you will  be shown. The Universe doesn't care if you like it or not, it is what it is.  Life is like the ocean, some days are beautiful and calm, some foggy and cold, sometimes the storms are merely clouds passing through and sometimes it's tsunami's ripping through, destroying everything in it's path. But we're survivors and this to shall pass. I'm not going to cry or even get angry, I'm going to stand here with my head held high knowing that this merely another storm and we will make it just like we did every other storm and all of the others to come.

The Light

I know that we often go through hard times and often it is because there is a lesson to be learned, but somehow that excuse just doesn't cut it. True understanding must come from within, but the path of spiritual knowledge doesn't pay the bills. The balance between the physical and spiritual are often blurred. Mankind had evolved so much, I often wonder why we left simplicity behind. People used to take care of one another, now it's a free for all.
The greatest gifts are always free, but society has a way of robbing us from even that. Even mother nature has a price tag now a days. God always seems to provide one way or the other,it will be interesting to see how it will e done this month. The ship is sinking quickly and I have no idea how I'm going to keep it afloat. All I know is that today I was presented with a choice, do I finally put away my boxing gloves and conform to the rest of the world, or do I hold on to what is left of my soul and do what I feel is right and just, even if it means my family will sink? I can't...no, I won't compromise my integrity, I won't bow down and submit to the things I despise, I will not sell my soul for easy money. I do not judge those who can do this, but for me, my soul dies even considering it. But we can't loose everything either, for the first time in many years, I am once again  relying solely on faith.
Emotionally, I'm a wreck. I'm always so tired. This whole situation has taken a toll on me and I am not recovering as quickly as I did in the past. I normally allow myself the release to merely sink into the abyss and then climb back out again but that is a pleasure I can't afford to indulge in this time. Everyone needs me to e strong once again. It's hard when you feel so weak. I'm thinking my " away with the blues" spell may work.
It's funny because my husband keeps saying the reason why we are so poor all the time is because we are so pure. We always do what we feel is right inside and never compromise that, but after solidifying my decision right now, there is a light within my soul and I  know that I am on the right path for me,for us. The path less taken is always a difficult road to walk, but the riches that come with it, not even money can buy. The only way to e true to our God,gods, is to be true to ourselves.
Even though the road is dark, there is a light within that will always shine because I am the keeper of this light and I know the importance of not allowing it to go out. This light I keep close to my heart always. It is what guides my path and those who choose to follow. It is for all who choose to accept. It breathes life, it is life, it is the soul, the core of who we are.
I'm being called into a circle now. Take this with you are leave it be. May the blessings of the Divine e upon you.

The Eye of the Storm

Life has cast me inside yet another whirlwind. Tossing and turning , spinning us all around. Things have happened so quickly the last couple of months we never really had a chance to recover. We are still within the midst of the storm, we see no end to it any time soon.
We have been provided for and to be perfectly honest I do not know how we made it without loosing everything, and for this I am greatful. I have asked for this storm to pass, but instead I was taken into the middle of it, the eye,last night.
The day started out very unstable. I have felt the pull of energy the last few days and then Friday night found about the super moon, which made sense with the amount I was picking up on. The day started taking a turn for the worse as one thing piled on after another. I was frustrated and angry. I knew with the energy so strong this could be channeled, but I also knew I was not grounded enough to channel it into something positive. My husband came up with an idea to have a campfire in the backyard. This completely lifted everyone's mood. He began to gather some firewood and the kids some stones to create a ring. At 9 we started the fire under the moon. It was so beautiful.
     We did a little fire divination and my daughter saw her spirit animal which was the butterfly. My son's was the fish. I found another one of mine, which is the red dragon, right in the fire. The log had it's body and face, including the eyes and the smoke was coming from his nose. I was told that I actually have 4 and each one represents each element. I knew of the Raven, snow olw,  and the wolf, but now the dragon and then it dawned on me that each DID represent a different element. Raven and owl, for me represents air because it is a bird and flies. The Wolf always represented earth because it walks upon the earth and is grounded to it. The Dragon always represented fire to me. And a couple of weeks ago, I was drawn to a white Orca. I felt he was also leading me.
I started talking about energy a little bit to my chldren and so we raised some of the energy in order to make the fire bigger. We each took turns and my kids got to invision different things and watch it happen.My daughter invisioned other small fires and more tiny flames appeared and then disappeared after she broke the connection. My son wanted it to spiral on top of a log and the fire began to wrap around the tip.  We tried it as a group. Didn't work so well because our energy together wasn't in sinc. But it was fun to try. This really set a positive tone to the evening and helped me ground my energy a bit.
    I wish I had a bit more time. I could stay there for hours alone if I could.
But in the midst of the storm I was shown the eye and the eye is that of peace, direction and intention. It is a place in time where time stands still and all things are possible. Within this place nothing else exsist then the energy around you. It is yours to choose on how to use it. Last night, I intended it to be used for other things but instead it was used to help my children see the greatness within themselves.  To see how powerful they truy are.
   Each gift that is given to us is eternal. Once we receive it, it becomes a part of us. Now the eye is with me always. It is my refuge inside of every storm that will ever come. Had I been taken out of the storm, it would have only protected me once. But by taking me to the center and giving me the eye, I am protected from every storm forever.
If you are ever offered this gift, it would be wise to accept it. There is no greater peace then the peace that is found in the midst of total chaos. There is no greater moment then a moment where time stands still. And when you pray, do not pray for escape from the storm pray for the center, the eye, for it is the eye where your power tries lyes.

Morning Prayer

Posted by Mystic Angel PR. Thu at 10:39 AM - # 

As I dip into the sacred pools, I wash away all that alienates me from feeling the love of the Divine. I wash away sadness and despair, you no longer have a home in my heart. I release the one's that bind my soul. You no longer have power over me. From this moment forth, I am free of the chains that bind me. The love and light of the Divine envelopes me with peace of mind and joy within my soul.
I walk the path of the Mystic's before me. Divine love is the light that guides me, surrounds me and shelter's me.  I walk the path of the sacred which leads me to the sacred pools of healing. I am comforted by the mighty wings of the Archangels, those which carry me to the loving arms of the Divine. I fear not for I am a child of the light, therefore I am light. I am a child of the Divine, therefore I am Divine.  No matter the shadows of night come before me, I will continue my path in light, in love and in stregnth. None shall stop me from seeking the Great Mystery of Old, the sacred path of the Divine, for it is blessed and I am blessed.
With the power of Divine love and light I now surround myself and family with the power and energy of the highest light. I banish all darkness from our site. I banish all that is not Divinely sent, those who wish to cause harm upon us. I banish all sickness and alignments that prevent us from Divine Healing. I banish fear, for fear is not of the Divine and has no place here.
In this circle full and round
Divine light now abound.
With your love and with your peace
all that is undivine now release
Ocean waves, Burning Fire
Bring forth now Thy hearts desire
Sacred pools wash us clean
Through the sacred power of the Holy Three
We are now free!
As Thy will so shall it be!!

Morning Journal Entry 2/29/2012

• Posted by Mystic Angel PR. Wed at 9:49 AM - # 
    I am a little tired. We woke up and then fell back asleep.I had kind of a weird dream but I normally do when I fall asleep after it is light outside. The last part of my dream was about moving to Oregon. I was alone again, just the kids and I. My dad was with me. Then I was trying to call my mom and ended up calling Sharon instead. She was really rude to me and said "no, I'm am not in need of a psychic medium" and hung up on me. Obviously there are some worries about rejections from friends who are extremely religious. We all must walk our own path. Sometimes path's are not got a good fit for another and one must break the ties. So if she ever feels like she needs to with me because of who I am then I will let her leave in love and peace. A part of me has already left though, when she lumped psychics with being creatures "evil". Maybe there is a small part of me wondering if I am on the right path but Jesus never followed the masses either.He taught the love of God. When I meditate and feel the energy that I felt last night, I know within the core of my being that this is truth and this is what we are supposed to evolve to. Jesus understood God's love, and the depth of it. If I am experiencing this I can only imagine what he knew. But he never back down. He died trying to show us God's love. He was brought down for that specific reason. Whoa! I was just focusing on Jesus and his picture on the candle on the night stand and a black orb just got out from the top of the dresser. The energy feels so much lighter now. Thank you Jesus!
  It makes me wonder how many of us who are sent down here for that reason. So many Angels, humans, fairies to keep the balance. Religion has always been such a strong belief that people go to war over it, which seems to defeat the entire purpose,lol. Bu, it not my battle. My job is to continue down this path and to embrace the love of God and to spread it. I had an awesome meditation last night. Hmmm, I am picking up another spirit. This one feels human, female, sad. I was told right now by Jesus that more will be coming. There is so much peace and love in this room right now.
     I've been learning the balance. It's one lesson that must be experienced, but aren't they all. I wondered how a fierce love could bring both strength and peace and last night I saw that it could. I can't explain how it is done, but it is. But the key is that the fierceness of that love, the catalyst is not fear, it's power brought on by that love. Just like when I left Pennsylvania with my kids. The driving force for that was not anger for my ex, that happened later, it was love for my children and doing everything in my power to make sure we would survive. There was power and strength brought on by my love for them. Last night I was able to experience that on a greater scale. It's an amazing feeling. There was no feelings like I was merely a tool, I was simply one with that energy. I received it and sent it out, like one unit. There was no separation. There was no doubt, there was no second guess. The Divine spoke, the Divine showed me and I merely followed the guidance within and without. I also understand the other side a little bit better now, looking hindsight. The power of the Divine, or should I say the power of the light is dependent upon the combined energy of all and working together as one powerful supernatural unit, unity is essential . The power of the lower realm is selfish and depends on the power of oneself.
      Jesus wasn't kidding when he was telling us about the power we have access to. I write copy and paste what happened last night, though it will do no justice compared to the actual experience. It's all beginning to make sense. The whole and how to use all the abilities as a whole. There was no thought or even wondering which ability to tap into first. All I did was let go. Immediately, I astral projected to certain places where he spoke to me and I could hear him, showed me people and I knew what energy needed to be sent and them moved on to the next, it just flowed and my spirit flowed with it, free, without restraint, without conscious thought, without doubt, just pure Divine energy in form. I hope one day I can put into words the experience or be able to help someone be able to experience this as well.
      However, with knowledge comes responsibility, all that I describe is done through Divine presence. I guess that it why it is hidden within until we are ready to understand it, for the only access to it is through Divine love. This is probably why Jesus said that the dark has no control over us. It's not a conscious choice, it's pure Divine presence. The same energy that spirits feel when they cross over I am sure. Everyday I learn more.
    Anyway's, here is my journal entry from last night. In no way does this do any justice, and may not even make any sense, but I will post it anyway's.
  
  My Lord, what shall I do today? He gently smiles and shows me the earth and all of the people. "Take your pick. There is so much to be done." I see visions of pain, despair, hopelessness and sickness. As a Priestess, it is my duty to serve. I have been called and I am willing to respond. My service is to God. Tonight I send peace and love to the land of Syria and then to the earth.
  As I travel, I become one with the energy of love and peace. I am one with Divine light and energy. I am one with night sky as my wings take me to where I need to go. I travel to the land of Syria and the to Germany. Such beauty and peace. People's faces come to me, those who are brought forth in order to bring healing and comfort throughout the night. The energy flows around them and surrounds them with that which is needed at the moment. The human needs are often like the ocean tides, they come and then leave again, to come back with yet another need. I know who I am now and what I am capable of achieving for the good of all. We are all given powerful gifts and which, if used divinely create miracles for others near and far. I thank thee oh Lord for your precious gift that is shared. Thank you for allowing me to experience the depths of both humanity and that of your precious love and light. In this realm I feel both your power and strength fueled by only love. Your love is fierce, yet so gentle. In your eyes, none are unworthy of that love. Your love transcends all understanding. There is nothing you would not do to make sure that love is given and shown and you have chosen us to carry that love within and to give that love to others. I am slowly beginning to understand and in this moment I can see it, feel it. None are denied your presence nor are they denied your love.
  

Failure Club

Posted by Mystic Angel PR. Tue at 2:45 PM - # 

I responded to someone's post this morning about being an "expert" in failure. Something happened just a few moments ago that is forcing me to rethink this. The last few years I have learned to accept failure as a part of my life. I chalked it up as part of the "family curse". Amongst others that seem to be passed down. i have been learning to walk in the shadows and to accept that this is part of who I am, including failure.
  My dad has failed in every business venture he has ever tried. I knew the real reason fo this was because of his desire not to be a successful business man but to simply escape from his current reality. I have also led the life of a gypsy and have felt the sting of failure on many occasions. Failure as a wife, failure as a daughter, failure as a friend, failure of being the rock. But my biggest failure was being a mother.
   I was 17 when i had my oldest daughter. i was emancipated and on my own. I was in an abusive relationship which ended when my oldest was 6 months. I was determined to make something of myself so I could take care of her and I. i went back to school and graduated from Nursing School, but unable to find work afterward in California. I went from one bad relationship to another. Nine years and two more children later, the marriage ended and my children and I had to make it on our own once again. At that point in my life, failure wasn't an option. We packed what little we could in the car and traveled from one side of the country to the other with nothing more then a hope and a determination of a better life. It was a rough journey, but we made it. I often felt guilty because I never had the means to provide all of the material items they needed. Even now, I can't even afford the basics. But if there was one thing I always wanted for my children was to learn to never give up on themselves. To know that they are important and to never give up, EVER and i would never give up on them!
    My theme has been to accept this, but I was one to never give up. I wouldn't accept failure. I didn't care what it took, but if I failed, then they would fail and I wasn't about to let that happen. But the guilt has always eaten at me and this is the root of the failure.
     My oldest daughter is now in collage and I couldn't be more proud. She asked me for my help on another assignment. The assignment was to write a paragraph of someone who has been a major role model in your life, aside from a celebrity. So she wrote about me. She wrote how my determination and equality had inspired her. The ability to keep pushing and never giving up and to never allow herself or anyone else to look down on her. This essay was very humbling for me to read.
     I realized that I never failed as a mother, in fact, I succeeded because i gave her the most essential tools that she will ever need to survive in this life. I taught her how to endure. I taught her how to be strong. I taught her how to never take no for an answer. I taught her to love herself even when she felt noone else did. I taught her to never give up.
    I never failed  because she learned exactly what I wanted to teach her.

Spirit Crossing 2/13/2012

• Posted by Mystic Angel PR. February 14 - # 
  Tonight I was asked to cross over spirits. I often do it once or twice a month and in my meditation this morning was asked to make it tonight. We have a pretty fool-proof and awsome system going on.
  Looking hindsight, at the first spirit I encountered as a 5 year old, I was already trying to cross over spirits. I remember looking at him and then looking towards heaven, encouraging him to go. That's when he showed me his version of what heaven would be like and all hell broke loose, literally. But that's another story. But I was thinking about that the other night. This is one of my purposes and all of the lessons I have learned from the past has brought me to this point now. My method is very different then most because I did learn from an early age on how dangerous the spirit realm can actually be. After years of panic attacks and physical attacks, I learned some of the most common sense things, and it all boils down to energy. In order to call upon the light, I had to know the light, I had to merge with this light, become one with it. I had to learn what it truly means to be of the light. Even if I am not always that connected, at that very moment, it's essential.
  Through trial and error and watching others do the same thing, I realized that confrontation, with good intentions or not are pure energy. Often when we confront the dark, our fears often turn into anger, domination, a pissing contest if you will. Many people use the authority of the Divine, but love is the key. In order for me to learn to love, I had to first learn to accept what I fear and to shed light upon it, not fight it or suppress it. This is often done with the spiritual realm and the veils between light and dark become clouded, confusing and dangerous. Often it is our emotions that are fed upon. When we give this energy to the darker entity, the feed off of it like candy. But when we are so engulfed in the light and our focus is soley on love and help for that person, we shine that light into the dark and the shadows move away. No confrontation, no harrassment and the goal is achieved.
  The method that was actually shown to me by the Divine is actually a very controlled setting because the biggest problem I had was the darker and more malisious entities not wanting to loose those souls. It's like a mixed drink, a little bit of lost, a little bit of more malious eneties, shadows, all of it. And this is when attacks happen most often. I didn't realize my sensativity until I went to that one church where the field was filled with all of them and it felt like a mess, like people asking to be attacked. Now I'm saying this is the only way or the best way, it's just best for me and may help someone else who may have the same problem I did. But basically, the first thing I do is open and secure my circle. I do a cleansing of myself and then I do it for everyone in my house including the animals after securing the home with a very strong protective shield. Once everything is cleansed and secured, I envision a lit path. There are two veils, one to the light and the one they enter through. I keep the veils closed and then cleanse the path and add a strong protective shield around it. I ask the Archangels to come and protect the enterance from anyone who is not ready to cross over or who wasn't guided by the Divine. Then I have more angels protecting the entire path. Some are there to protect, some to help welcome and guide them down the path or to simply minister to them. Once this is set and secured, I open the veil to the light and ask Jesus to stand at the entrance. The path now become flooded with love and light as I continue to balance the flow of energy as well. At this point my energy has merged with the light energy or God's love and light that we are like a gigantic beacon. It is so peaceful that my animals don't even freak out anymore. Once this is set, I tell them that the only one's allowed down this path are the one's ready to cross over. They must stay on the path and are not allowed to veer from it or to bother anyone here. There are some that will say a few word to me, which is great, but these controls are set to protect everyone. So I open the veil on that end and then they come through. At this point most have already released their baggage and are simply ready. There are usually a few who are ready but fearthey may not be worthy or feel that Jesus would not forgive them. This happend to me twice tonoght. I told them if they have forgiven themselves, then Jesus will also forgive them. Some were even pets. I tell them that this path is protected and they are welcome to come through to go to the light. I have had a couple who have changed their minds and went back. But I know that when they are ready, they will go at their own time. The Angels always tell me when to close the veil on the other side and so I do.I place a lock and the door is sealed shut. Then they will continue through until they cross over.
       Tonight was purely amazing. There were so many of them. I watched as loved one's already crossed over met them on the path and guided them through. One was a homeless man and his dog came and met him on the path. That was it, he had to have been the happiest man on the planet. Sisters and brother, loved one's who died in combat, widows, children, orphans. There was one little boy looking for his mother. I told him his mother wasn't here yet. He said that his mother told him to go to Jesus, so I pointed to where Jesus was standing and the kid took off and ran right up to him. He stood by him the entire time. There were many orphans that came through. They appeared to be from an orphanage. Angels took their hands and guided them to Jesus as well and they all stood next to him at the entrance, hand in hand. And then I saw the most beautiful thing, many of the families that came to meet their loved and walked to the light, started taking the children as if they were adopted parents and families. One here, two, three there, until the children were gone. Those who had noone were now taken in my other people who would love and care for them, bringing them into their soul family. It was so amazing.
       Grampa's message:
  My grandfather arrived. It was actually quite interesting to see him since I wasn't sure he would be ready to cross over. He wanted me to give a message to my family. He wanted to say he was sorry for all the things he did. He grew up in Germany during a time where strict house rules were in force and abuse was a common thing. As he got older and took a wife, started having children, he passed on what he learned. He also became an alcoholic and abused his wife and his kids. Because of the type of man he was, most of the family hated him. His wife also left him after the kids were grown. When he came to me he was so ashamed of what he did. He wasn't sure if he would be forgiven. He was the one I told, "if you can forgive yourself, Jesus will forgive you to". He was so determined to come back and do it right the next time. He wanted to make it up to the family and vowed to come back as a new man. There was so much love in his heart at that moment. I never realized how much he really loved my grandmother until that moment. He said that she was his life and he died inside when she left. I felt that, but there such a determination about his energy and the conviction in his words. A family member of mine will have a baby boy soon. He plans to reincarnate into this child and make up for every thing he did wrong in his life. He wants to be able to show them how much he truly loved each and every one of us. I put a blessing around, one that will be carried for his next incarnation. He told me that the family "curse" was fear. Fear was his demon and that of the family. He told me I was very brave to do this and to free myself of the fear.  He told me he loved me very much and then went up to Jesus. Jesus took him in his arms and my grandfather cried so hard. Jesus pointed towards the light and said "Welcome" and my grandfather walked in a new man.There was a bright glow around him. He was finally free.
  
  Ester's Message:
    Ester is someone I met many years ago at church. Everyone practically worshiped the ground she walked on. She seemed to be so close to Jesus it was like she had her own phone line to God. Practically every woman in my singles group wanted to be just like her. I knew something was off, but I could never pin-point it. At that point, I didn't pay much attention to my intuition. But I saw a pattern in her that I should have picked up but never did. On her 21st birthday, she committed suicide. I felt so guilty, I should have seen it sooner. I later found out that all of the family suffered with severe depression and abuse while growing up. She had come to me a few months ago. She started walking down the path and then disappeared. I didn't think she crossed over. I knew how tortured she was and it saddened me that she was so close but changed her mind. She came again tonight. She also asked if there was room for forgiveness, to me, to her family, to Jesus. She knew the people she hurt but explained that she was trapped in her own self misery that she couldn't love anyone, least of all herself. All she wanted was to be free and this is why she did it. However, it took her 16 years to work through the guilt and the pain. Mostly the guilt of what she had done. God had given her life and yet she took it away. She didn't want the life that was given. Now Jesus was standing before her and she wasn't sure if he would accept her apology. I told her that we all forgive her and to forgive me as well. Her message is now that she had found love, she is able to love all of those she left behind in a way that she couldn't before. She wanted everyone to know that she is now happy, the happiest she had ever been and has vowed to come and guide everyone, including myself. I told her I could use all the advice I could get. She kissed me on the left cheek and went towards Jesus. He had his arms open and like a small child she literally jumped right into the. Tears of joy ran down her face. She took his hand and looked at me one last time. Her smile was so radiant.
     She was the last.
  
  I closed the veil and decided to talk to the Divine myself. Thanked them for their help and for allowing me to be a part of such a wonderful thing. I bowed before them and told them that I was happy and willing to serve however I can. At that moment, I saw the shackles on my arms fall off. And then the shackles on my legs also fell off and disappeared. I was told that this is why my job was so important. This is what it means to be a medium. We are the middle ground of both light and dark, the are the medium, the bridge between light and dark.
  I re-cleansed the path as well as my house and the family and pets, and drew in more Divine light and energy into the home. Our house is so peaceful right now. Filled with so much love and peace.
  
  Anyway's this was such an amazing experience I thought I would share it. Thank you for reading. Blessed Be.